Found Them! The Perfect Posies

I think I have the right idea with a potted plant rather than cut flowers, something that Sigyn can enjoy for a long time.  The hibiscus I looked at was a step in the right direction, but lavender is not her favorite color.

Ah, orchids!  Lovely, and quite exotic!  The blooms last for months.  Sigyn would love an orchid plant!

This one is in a very pretty pot.

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The tag says “Dendrobium.”  It’s very nice, but I’m not sure orange is any better than lavender.

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Now this has promise!

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Yellow is Sigyn’s second-favorite color.  And this one also has the pretty china pot.

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It also has some buds, so it will stay in flower for a long time.

The label says Cattleya.

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Idunn’s apples!  It is very heavy!

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Okay, orchid, you are coming with me, but I am not carrying you all the way home.  I think magic is called for!  Luckily, levitation is child’s play for one of my skill.

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What can I say?  If you’re levitating one plant, you might as well magic them all…

Happy Eater Bunny Day, sweetie!

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In Search of the Perfect Posies

In the end, we left the international market yesterday with nothing more than the human male’s ginger bears.  Sigyn really is looking forward to the Eater Bunny festival, though, so I thought I would get her a little present.

Flowers seem to be associated with the Eater Bunny, and Sigyn likes flowers, so I’m off to the floral area of the local farmer’s market.  I just hope they have something worthy of her.

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Ah, I see Mistress Mus is here today.  She usually has a nice selection.

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Good morning, Mistress Mus.  I’m in search of something special for my Sigyn today.

“How about a dozen princess-pink roses?  You can never go wrong with roses.”

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No, thank you.  Roses are so prosaic .  Anyone can give roses.  I need something a bit more unusual.

“Well, have a look around, dear.  Just give a shout if you need help.”

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Hmm.  A dried arrangement is a little unusual–and definitely low-maintenance!  But do I really want to convey the message that DEAD STUFF would send?

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Not to mention that this arrangement seems a little top-heavy.

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Perhaps something in a potted plant?

This geranium isn’t bad…

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It has the bonus that the human female is allergic to the smell of geranium leaves.  But geraniums are still more than a little pedestrian.  I shall keep looking.

This hibiscus might do.  They make good container plants and will live for years if you’re willing to bring them in when it freezes.

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But pale purple is such a blah color.  And this is a very boring pot.  Surely there’s something here that will be perfect for my sweetie?

What are those over there?

(to be continued…)

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Shopping and Seasonal Silliness, Part II: The Seasonal Part

Well, they have not thrown us out of the establishment yet, Sigyn, so let us meander through the seasonal offerings.

It would appear that Midgardians are gearing up once again for the annual festival of the Eater Bunny.  Once more, children will seek to appease the ravenous lagomorph with gifts of colored eggs and other frivolities.

Ah.  Votary images of the foul beast.

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Those are properly terrifying.  Step back, Sigyn–the tall one looks poised to crush unwary supplicants!

Oh, but this one appears considerably more benign.

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Have a care, my love!  The creature may seem “wooby” and soft, but there are no doubt formidable incisors hidden behind that tiny smirk.

Usually at this time of year, one can find effigies constructed of inferior confectionery.

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And here they are!  Although these shiny bunnies may be less duplicitous than the larger statues, which always seem to offer days of solid, cocoa-induced euphoria, but which are usually waxy, hollow shams which taste of disappointment and false promises.

Moving on.  My beloved is enchanted with these miniature, egg-shaped snow globes.  

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In find them completely baffling and unscientific.  In what reality do they make sense?!  Not only would baby ducks, chickens, and rabbits both drown AND suffocate if sealed in containers of water, but the vigorous shaking one is expected to do would scramble their brains permanently!  Not to mention that if caught in sudden spring blizzard, such as is represented by these baubles, baby animals would likely freeze to death!  Hmmm.  Maybe that is the whole point.  Perhaps these are meant as symbolic offerings to the Eater Bunny—stand-ins for actual animals sacrificed to its capricious, insatiable hunger?

Sigyn has found something which reeks less of death.

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You are mighty cute up there, precious!

And very conspicuous.  Pray dismount, my love–the sales clerk is headed in our direction, and she seems less than pleased.

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Ah, very clever!  Blending in is always a good strategy.

With any luck, we shall remain undetected while the humans are ejected for loitering.

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Shopping and Seasonal Silliness, Part I: They Probably Shouldn’t Let Us In Here

The humans are visiting the local international-type-emporium because the male has learned that they have his super-uber-favorite candy, ginger-flavored gummy bears, for sale.  They are very hard to come by, so he is excited.  The fool has yet to figure out that I routinely divert 99.2% of the supply destined for the U.S. to my own private warehouse.  I’ve a stash large enough now that I could make him dance to my tune for the rest of his life, just by dangling the odd bag under his nose from time to time.

Ehehehehe!  They have made the trip all the way over here, only to discover that there is one (1), count them:  one bag available for purchase!  The mix of simultaneous disappointment and gratitude on his face is both pathetic and hilarious.  My day is made!

But while we’re here, Sigyn, let us look around and see what else is on offer.  We’ve run into some unusual offerings before.

Um.  Wow.

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Next time I feel the urgent need for punny cocktail napkins featuring cartoonish members of the Phyllophaga, I will know where to come.

Sigyn, come look at these!

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I suddenly feel the fridge at the house is woefully under-decorated, don’t you?  And perphaps if I put the hippo and elephant butts right at eye-level, she could finally make some traction on that diet she’s always whining about.

Usually, when we are here, Sigyn manages to get herself trapped in something.  Today, though, I hopes we’ll make it out of here unsca–

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I spoke too soon.

Thankfully, she does not seem to be in any distress.  While I contemplate how to retrieve my beloved, I can ask this deeply philosophical question.  What is cuter that a smiling Sigyn face?

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Multiple smiling Sigyn faces!

Hang on, sweetie.  Loki’s coming!

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You Never Know What You’re Going to Find on a Walk

After a few days of heavy thunderstorms, the sun has finally come out.  Sigyn and I, having contracted a near-fatal case of cabin fever, are going for a walk.

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Fisi, back off a little, will you?  No one likes hot hyena-breath down the back of their neck.

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Sleipnir’s fetlocks!  Where is that brainless carnivore going now?  Fisi!  Come back here!

What have you got in your mouth, you stupid beast?

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Oh, no!  Where did you find a kitten?  Don’t look, Sigyn!

Drop it, Fisi!

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Bad hyena!  No biscuit!

(poke, poke, poke.)  I’m sorry love.  I… I think the wee little thing has joined his no-doubt valiant ancestors in Kitty Valhalla.

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Or maybe not.  I guess the furry morsel was just a little scared!  Give it a good cuddle, my love, and let it toddle off home.  There are too many felines in our house already.

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I don’t see any toddling happening.

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Only bonding.

Aw, Sigyn, for Frigga’s sake don’t feed it.

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Sigh.  I should have known that this was one battle I wasn’t going to win.

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Behold the Slide

Remember, O reader, the order of  microscope slides for which the invoice went to the University’s campus in Qatar Not once but twice?  The order that was partially back-ordered, with each part of the shipment being billed to the fine folks in the Persian Gulf?  The order for which the human female spent many hours on the phone and with email, trying to straighten out the billing so that she could pay for her thrice-damned microscope slides?

I thought you might want to see what all the fuss has been about.

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Behold Schistosoma japonicum.  Three of these slides formed the back-ordered portion of the order.  You see, it take a while to prepare them, since each features not one but two parasitic beasts–a tiny male surrounded by a more massive female.  Yes.  You read that right.  Schistosoma japonicum in flagrante delicto.

These slides arrived last year.  Last week the human female received yet another tender note from her colleagues in Qatar, a note which enclosed a note from the Vendor Who’s Responsible helpfully pointing out that the account is now 120 days in arrears. 

Cue wailing and gnashing of teeth.  The human female remonstrated yet again with the Vendor Who’s Responsible, begging them to do as the original PO says and submit the invoice to the proper email address.

All good fun comes to an end, I suppose, because the invoice was finally correctly submitted to the Bean Counters here on the main campus.

Who refused to pay it.

For you see, in my quest to make the human female’s life as frustrating as possible, I had the Vendor Who’s Responsible engulf the entity now known as the Vendor Who Was Swallowed Up By The Vendor Who’s Responsible, in much the same way that the large female schistosome surrounds and dwarfs the much smaller male.  The original order was made to the smaller company, but the invoice was sent by the Vendor Who’s Responsible.  The invoice could not be paid because the vendor names do not match.

The human female pleaded, and tried to explain the situation, outlining how the two entities were fundamentally the same, and would they pleeeeeeese pay the invoice?

What is that delightful Midgardian expression?  “No dice.”  Is that right?  The Bean-counters cancelled the invoice and demanded that the Vendor Who’s Responsible issue a new one with the name of the VWRSbVWR instead.

Which they won’t do.

So now, the Vendor Who’s Responsible, sick unto death of trying to sort this out, has given up in defeat and cancelled that line item of the original PO, saying, “Forget it, pretend you never ordered those amorous schistos, and let us never speak of this again.”

You would think that this would bring an end to the human female’s misery, and that six months is a good enough run for a bit of mischief.

But you’d be wrong.

The latest email from the Bean Counters on campus to the Customer Service Rep at the Vendor Who’s Responsible is short, sweet, and promises more fun to come:

“Per your email below, I have cancelled PO line item 4 on the PO.  What about the other PO lines?  I do not see where we have been invoiced for them.”

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