How Much Can We Cram Into One Day? Part II: In Which We Visit Some Critters as Old as the Human Female and then Sparklies

Harrumph.  I have been dragged kicking and screaming protesting decorously from the Knights exhibit and hauled off to the Paleontology wing.  Since none of the toothy beasties figured is alive to be recruited to my cause, I find this a good deal less interesting than the glaives and billhooks of the previous exhibit.

Sigyn, I think this smiley whatsit wants to follow you home.

hmns1-smile

…and possibly eat you, so let’s not adopt it.

A human gastronome, Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin , once said, “Tell me what you eat and I will tell you what you are.”  This has always intrigued me.  I wonder if he really could tell that I was handsome and talented and a genius just by knowing I like roast chicken.  Of course, anyone could infer that the human female is white, bland, lumpy, and boring from her love of rice pudding, so I guess there’s that.

Paleontologists have been using that rule of thumb to help figure out what defunct animals were like and how they made their living, based on their teeth.

I have been staring at this creature for twenty minutes now, and I still can’t work out what this thing ate:

hmns-oreodont

Duh.  Read the card, Loki.

hmns-oreodont2

Cream-filled chocolate sandwich cookies.

Moving on.

We are now looking at some of the works of the talented Mr. Faberge, who never encountered a surface he couldn’t encrust with gold, enamel, and precious stones.

Big smooth river rock?

hmns-faberge-striker

Boom!  Match striker.

The human female is quite taken with the smoky quartz shell cup thing there, the one topped with the hippocampus.  (Why DO they call it a hippocampus when it does not look at all like a hippo and has probably never been near a university in its life?)

hmns-faberge2

Sigyn and I like the little matching elephants, one red and one green.  They’re sitting on a double bell-push, a device used for summoning servants.  There!  That right there!  I need one of those for my birthday, which is coming up.  Hint, hint.

>|: [

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How Much Can We Cram Into One Day? Part I: Whirliest of Whirlwinds

What a wonderful thing it is to travel to a tropical paradise when the rest of the country is so cold!   Warm sun, swaying palm trees, blue water.  Just look at that view!

vacation

Unfortunately, that is a postcard that came in the mail.  I’ve arranged it so that the humans won’t be getting a vacation until May at the earliest.

Instead, the humans have grabbed one of their friends and are headed to the Big City to the South for a whirlier-than-whirlwind micro vacation.  Sigyn and I have tagged along because we do not care to be left alone with the Terror Twins.

We are at the big Museum of Stuff  That Happened a Good Ways Back.  This exhibit is all about knights and armor.

I love a good armor.

Here I am with a formidable castle in the background.

knights1

It’d do as my headquarters for world domination.  It’s a bit on the small side, but in a pinch….

A nice set of upper armor—

knights3-armor

If you want to look like a pinecone. 

Now we’re talking!  Come to Loki…

knights2-polearm

A fellow can never have too  many stabby things.

There is an interactive area in the exhibit where one can try out various activities.

Go away.  I am playing with the blocks now.

knights7-blocks

Another interactive thingummy lets you design your own coat of arms.  This is mine:

knights8-crest

Green, pointy at the top, and with a cunning little snake.

Sigyn is having fun looking at all the details on the armor.

Here’s a brave stalwart.

knights6-onions

Brandishing some garlic.  As one does.

Here are a couple of smiley dragonlets.

knights5-dragons

And on the stock of a crossbow, a happy little griffin-ish critter.

knights4-griffin

You folks can keep looking at armor and shields and things.  I’m going back to the stabby things.

>|: [

I Have to Hand it to Her

The  human female, as noted previously, is part magpie. She is always picking up bits of flotsam and jetsam, especially twinkly flotsam and sparkly jetsam.  Occasionally, though, she’ll pick up other stuff, even if it’s ragged and nasty.  (Hmm.  That would explain her  wardrobe…)

Hmm- –it looks like she’s been out “gathering” again.

2hands

I have no clue what they’re from, or why one has a hole in the middle.  But at least they are almost our favorite colors.  (That red’s plenty orange, if you ask me.)

I can’t imagine what she plans to do with them.  Spaghetti tongs?  Cat spankers?  Really gaggy tongue depressers?

Let’s see…. Uh, huh.  Just as I thought.  If we make them clap, we get a pretty good plasticky “slap.”

A little online searching has turned up their provenance and use.

I will tell Sigyn that we can use them to applaud the human female every time she does something right, like making lunch or taking out the garbage.  Positive reinforcement, if you like.   (She’s a little…. slow, but I’m hoping she can be trained to perform simple tasks.)

2hands2

In reality, I plan to take one little collection of fake phalanges in each hand and SMACK them together right under nose every time she nods off over her computer or does that staring-into-space thing that creeps me out.   A good startle never hurt anyone.

>|: [

A Late Yule Gift, Part III: The Big Reveal

Now that I have fixed all the mistakes that those two morons made, the moment has come to present Sigyn with her gift.

Close your eyes, my beloved!  No peeking!

walker11

All right!   Now you may open them!

walker12

What do you think, Sigyn?  He’s all yours!  Do you like him?  I built him all by myself.

walker13

And do you see that his front feet are facing the proper direction?

Awww!  Look at that!  She’s already taught him how to shake hands!

walker14

Who’s a good boy?

Sigyn is so good with creatures.   She already has him walking perfectly on a leash!

walker15

Sigiyn likes to ride things…

walker16

Time for walkies!

walker17

>|: [

A Late Yule Gift, Part II: Some Kinds of Help Are Not Actually Very Helpful

As much as it galls me to admit that I need help, I have fetched the two most inveterate tinkerers/ builders I know.  If the three of us together can’t put this mess together, no one can.

What do you think, guys?

walker 4

Tony Stark:  I’m a genius, so I can probably put this together without the kindergarten-level instructions.

walker 5

Rocket:  Bite me, Tin Man.

We have made a start, but all the bickering is going to make this take twice as long.

Is this the piece we need next?

walker 6

It fits, but does it actually go here?

walker 7

You two are taking forever!

walker 8

I built this bit, but I have no idea what it is…

walker9

Later…

Sleipnir’s Fetlocks!  You Bungling Yardapes!  Look at this thing!  Its front feet are on backwards!

walker10

And what are we supposed to do with all of the leftover pieces?!

It’s so hard to get good help these days.

>|: [

A Late Yule Gift, Part I: Parts is Parts

It is an unfortunate fact of the universe that I myself am not immune to chaos and misfortune.  In fact, it happened recently.  Something I ordered online for Sigyn did not come in time for Yule.  I was most seriously displeased. 

It has arrived today, though.  If I am quick, I can have it assembled for her by the time she gets home from yoga.

Not sure “quick” is going to be an option, though…

walker1

By Gungnir!  Look at all these pieces!

walker 2

Ordinarily, I will do anything to avoid admitting there’s something I don’t know.  But this is for Sigyn, so it’s important.

I think I need to fetch some help…

walker 3

…to be continued

>|: [

Let’s Play a Little Game

Mischief is my raison d’etre, my very dear hobby, and my middle name—no, really!  “Loki Mischief Laufeyson” is what it says on the tags in all my clothes.  Still, not everything can be laid at my doorstep.  Your job is to figure out which of the following are my pranks and which are someone else’s doing.

  1.  All of the human female’s rubber bands are brittle and break-y, and all of the paperclips are conjugating.

rubberbands

2.  One of the Christmas mousies is already minus a tail

mousetail

3.  Glass + tile countertop = smash

anotherbrokenglass

4.   A really Texan, really stupid way to announce,”It’s a boy/girl!”

gunreveal

5.  And if you don’t have a gun to do number 4, you could win one!

abbotgun

6.  Pretty sure the sign for the shocky-thing should not be on the floor.

defibrillator

7.  The break-room fridge makes wicked, pointy ice cubes!

weird ice

8.  This plan for a busy local intersection, which will eventually feature the  Diverging Diamond of Death and about a million opportunities for collision.

9.  A couple of fun little bugs:

spectre

10.  And finally…

Ready for the answers?  Scroll down…

 

 

Keep scrolling…

 

 

  1.  Totally me
  2. Not me.  Probably Taffy
  3. Me again
  4. The explosion part is cool, but the whole idea is so stupid, only a mortal could have thought it up
  5. This one’s on the Governor
  6. Me
  7. Also me
  8. This one scares even me.  Blame TexDOT
  9. Can’t pin this on me, but oh, the schadenfreude!
  10. Oh, sure, blame the Frost Giant!  Since the human female was not personally affected by the horrible winter weather, you can assume it wasn’t me.  Wait until the weather goes to Hel when it’s time for her to order termites and then we’ll revisit the question!