Day: February 18, 2014


Most of the Midgardians are caught up in watching something called the “Olympics.” I approve–this large assemblage of warriors of both sexes competing in all manner of events is a noble thing. I am having difficulty parsing the “hockey,” though. Why do the players not simply arm themselves with axes and swords rather than those feeble sticks? The object is clearly to annihilate one’s opponent. I do hate to see things done inefficiently.

I have been pondering which sports I might compete in. As a Frost Giant, I have a natural affinity for snow and ice. Skiing looks like fun, and the ski jump like flying. Do not tell that oaf, Thor, but I have always rather envied his ability to fly. Although, it must be admitted that Thor does not so much *fly* as lob Mjolnir and hang on for dear life, squealing like a little girl. (They edit that bit out in the movies, you can be sure.)

The ice skating is intriguing. I am lithe, nimble, and powerful– I would do well. But I would never be caught dead in such complicated, ostentatious, and impractical clothing. Oh, wait…

Perhaps the summer games would be a better fit. I am a natural gymnast, jumper, and sprinter. And, despite recent evidence to the contrary, I am quite good with horses— perhaps equestrian events? I understand that the games also include several forms of unarmed combat. I must look into this “judo” and determine whether it involves knives, with which I am quite proficient.

I have excellent hearing as well, so I heard the human female just now when she said, “Aaaand in lane four, it’s Loki of Sassgard, expected to medal in the 500 meter snark.” Laugh it up, wench. You will find wasabi in your yogurt tomorrow…