The Secrets of the Alchemists…

…shall soon be mine! And I shall surpass them all, seizing for myself alone the ability to transmute base, lesser substances (like Thor’s brain) into purest gold. Wealth beyond measure shall be mine, along with the beauteous Sigyn, a fine black stallion, and my place as rightful ruler of the campus and of Midgard!

I have made careful preparations. The stars and planets are harmoniously aligned. I have meditated. The flowers of sulphur, the salt, the phosphorus–all have been added. I have heated, cooled, purified, and refined.

Lest anyone think my science is Medieval, take note that I am working in a well-ventilated room and am wearing proper blue nitrile gloves. Frigga didn’t raise no crazy…Oh. Right…

Just one more stir…

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