Month: December 2014

New Year. Bah.

Midgardians make a huge fuss about flipping the calendar page from the last month to the first. They indulge in a wallowing orgy of navel-gazing, bemoaning all their faults and failures and the myriad disappointments of the outgoing year. They make lists of resolutions and naively believe that a “new year” will somehow solve all their problems and they will be magically be slimmer, smarter, more energetic, and more attractive to the opposite sex.

As if.

To top it off, this is somehow to be ushered in by the quaffing of copious amounts of alcohol and the setting off of fireworks.

The human female, the male, and the female’s mother may have their regrets and resolutions, but they are very, very boring and will likely not make it until midnight.

Yawn.

Still, I have been in this realm for almost exactly one year. (Where does the time go?!) I suppose it couldn’t hurt to look back at 2014 and see how I am progressing toward my conquest of Midgard. I have made a list of my accomplishments.

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I bought a horse and I met (and maybe married) Sigyn.

Sigyn is wonderful, but that’s it. I’ve no palace, no army, no global throne. I’ve made no progress at all. I honestly thought I would be running this realm by now.

I feel like such a failure. Is there really any point in continuing this? Should I just forget Midgard and try someplace else? Or give up altogether and take up, I don’t know, beekeeping or something? Does anyone care? What should I do…?

(If there’s anyone reading this, leave a comment.)

New Year. Bah.

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Company’s coming!

The humans are expecting the female’s mother for a visit. They are engaged in a massive house-cleaning so that she won’t know what slovens they are.

Time for a big washload. I have helpfully filled the drum with sheets, towels, and an assortment of whites, jeans, sweaters, and some delicate lingerie.

Uh, oh! The machine is flashing an error message!

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Consulting the manual reveals that “UE” stands for UnEven and indicates a load that is too lopsided to spin. It will sit like this for hours until someone notices. Yes! I have managed to throw off the whole housecleaning schedule!

(If anyone dares to put the words “Loki” and “unbalanced” in the same sentence, I will smite them into next week.)

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A gift for Sigyn, Part III– Ooo! A catalog! (Sigyn speaks)

This little trip to look at all the pretty paperweights has been such fun. Loki picks the best presents!

The museum has a bookshelf one can browse. One of the books appears to be a guide to glass paperweights, showing the different kinds and makers and noting a ballpark price for each. Wow. Some of them are pretty pricey.

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I had no idea there were so many different kinds. Wait–is that a golfer?

I know that Loki doesn’t care for paperweights the way I do, but I wonder if there is a kind he would like. (flip, flip, flip)

Found one! Number 10.

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Wouldn’t you say that was just perfect for a Frost Giant?

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A gift for Sigyn, Part II–So hard to choose!

Sigyn, which one is your favorite? Do you like the round ones, or the ones that are more oddly shaped?

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(Isn’t my girl photogenic? You can’t take a bad picture of her.)

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She has narrowed it down to two: the blue one with all the tiny flowers and the one with pink hearts AND flowers. I guessed it! She’s chosen the pink one.

How long do you suppose it would take, if I rearranged the other displays and labels, for the curatorial staff to notice that one of their millefiori paperweights was missing?

(And what, exactly, do Midgardians need all the paperweights FOR, anyway? Are there frequent gravitational anomalies that cause reams and sheaves and leaves to just fly about, willy-nilly? Are there receipt vortices and note-storms? Hurricanes of household accounts and random typhoons of tax scrolls? Asgard has its flaws, but our paperwork stays put without recourse to random heavy objects or the glassblower’s art.)

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A gift for Sigyn, Part I–A Glass Garden

I very much wanted to find a special Yule gift for my lovely Sigyn. After giving it a lot of thought, I decided to follow the notion that the best presents are experiences, rather than things.

Sigyn, as has been noted before, is quite fond of glass paperweights. Thus, now that the holiday festivities have subsided, I have arranged a visit to the fine collection of glass paperweights housed in one of the University’s galleries. (The gallery is closed for the holiday, but pfft! a locked door never stopped a determined Loki.)

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Sigyn is beside herself. Look at all of them! And all of these appear to have flowers within! She is doubly happy.

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Be careful, dearest. You are leaving little nose smudges on the case…

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Best. Gift. Ever.

I will admit it: The switches from the human female hurt my feelings. I didn’t do anything nasty or sneaky to her presents at all. (Well, aside from making sure that the one her husband ordered her is on indefinite back-order. Oh, or tinkering with the labels on the ones her sister sent so that she couldn’t tell which was meant for her and which for the human male. So maybe I deserved one switch, but I didn’t do anything major or explodey or sharp, so I really don’t think a whole bundle of them was warranted.)

My present from Sigyn more than made up for any deficiencies in the present department, though.

I was half in jest and being playful. Sigyn is shy about matters like this.

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Best. Gift. Ever.

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What did we get?

On Midgard, presents show up in one’s stockings at yuletide. The human female hung up a stocking for Sigyn and me. Take off that wreath, Sigyn, and let’s see what have.

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Ah, the traditional orange. That’s a nice start.

Sigyn has a shiny gold package and some paper dolls. But what is this with my name on it?

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The human female has now explained the significance of receiving switches in one’s stocking. Fine, wench, I will remember this.

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I predict 2015 will not be a good year for you.

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