I’m trying not to be discouraged about how poorly the last interview went. They can’t all be as noxious as Bob, surely?
The next candidate didn’t send a resume, but when he phoned, he sounded pretty cool. Perhaps I am merely a sucker for an interesting foreign accent. Ah, here he is now.
What the…? Okay, now, given the consistent and sequential weirdness that is my life, which one of these am I to interview?
Or the monkey?
I think I had definitely better record this one!
Sigyn: Well, hello! Welcome. Loki, look at the monkey! Hi, there, monkey! What’s his name?
Interviewee: Guten Morgen! Das ist Remus, und I am Arnold. Doktor Arnold.
Loki: Good morning, Doktor Arnold.
Doktor Arnold: Herr Docktor Arnold, actually. Herr Doktor Arnold von Ohm. But you may call me Arnold.
Loki: Arnold, then. Thanks for coming. Now, tell me about your education.
Arnold: I attended the so prestigious Berlin-Brandenburgische Akademie der Wissenschaften where I study both electrical engineering und the construction science. First I make the buildings und then I blow them up, ha ha ha!
Loki: Wonderful! It’s always useful to know how to make something go "boom." Would I be familiar with any of your work?
Arnold: Say, this room has unusual distribution of load-bearing pillars. Ein or zwei well-placed charges und… Ja, well, I was in industry for a number of years, but recently I am more focused on my own research und projects. Mainly I work for the international clients who prefer to remain anonymous, do you see? Fame is good, ja, but the satisfaction is in the job well done. You may not have heard of me, but my work–ho! You recall a power outage that darkened Munich for ten hours so all the Oktoberfest beer went warm und flat?
Loki: I do. That was a wonderful bit of mischief.
Arnold: Me! A four-train collision in Rota, Spain? Also me! The collapse of a semi-completed overpass outside of Spokane? Ha! Me again! Und recently half of the Kyle Field here fell down, yes?
Loki: That was most assuredly NOT you.
Arnold: Nein, nein! Not I, but last year I do something similar in Brazil, except I take down the northwest corner und then the southeast corner, pfft! leaving the other two corners standing, so.
Loki: Impressive. Sigyn–do be careful. Monkeys can bite.
Arnold: Nein, nein, nein! The Fraulein is quite safe. Remus, he does not bite. He is a good monkey. You are a good monkey, are you not, Remus? Yes, und very useful for the running of cables and fuses in the small spaces! Und Remus, he works for the peanuts, ha ha ha!
Loki: Indeed. Now, have you any other skills that could be useful?
Arnold: I am very good, as they say, at persuading the stubborn people to talk.
Loki: Eliciting information…
Arnold. Ja. I like most the rubber hose, as you see, but I have also the truth serum.
Loki: Let me guess–it’s undetectable in lemonade…
Arnold: Ha ha ha ha! Just so.
Loki: Well, Herr Doktor Arnold von Ohm, I think that you could be a very useful part of my team. If you’ll make sure I have your contact information, I will be sure to contact you in the event I have projects that could use your particular expertise.
Arnold: Danke, Herr Loki. Und good day to you, Fraulein. Come Remus, it is time for lunch. You may live on the bananas but Arnold cannot! Auf wiedersehen, meine Freunde!
Loki and Sigyn: Goodbye!
I must say I am encouraged! Herr Arnold may be a loose cannon, but sometimes a bit of careening artillery is just what the Doktor ordered…