Dear Human Female’s Mother,
You are leaving today. I think you are a nice lady. In fact, I think I like you better than the mortals who live here. Can’t we send them someplace far away and keep you? Don’t tell anyone I admitted it, but I will be sorry to see you go.
But not sorry enough not to mess with your luggage.
You are missing a sock, I have tucked in a bottle of vitamins that aren’t yours, and I think you’ll find that the lid on your instant coffee is loose.