Help Wanted, Part II: The First Interview

I hardly slept last night, I was so eager to begin the process of amassing a coterie of skilled associates. The first interviewee will arrive shortly. Here is her resume. Some problems with formatting, but over-all, it’s impressive, don’t you think?


Ah. She has arrived and is quite animatedly talking with Sigyn.


(I am recording the interviews so that I don’t forget anything.)


Sigyn: Hello, Roberta, and welcome!

Roberta: I hate “Roberta.” Too girly. Call me Bob, please.

Sigyn: Um. Okay. Well, thank you for coming.

Bob: Nice place you have here, though it’s a bit smaller than what I’m used to, of course

Sigyn: Rutgers, right? Loki has some questions about that—

Bob: Who’s Loki?

Sigyn: He’s actually the one who’s looking for colleagues—

Bob: The guy with the horns over there? You mean you’re not the head of this operation?

Sigyn: No–

Bob: Too bad. I work best with women. So, Lokes, What can I do for you?

Loki: Good morning. I’m particularly interested in your chemistry work. I do occasionally have need of someone capable of handling dangerous toxins. When do you think your Ph.D. will be complete?

Bob: Yeah. About that…

Loki: Oh?

Bob: The doctorate is on hold. My um… major professor has had to step away.

Loki: Because?

Bob: Because he, uh, disappeared. No one has seen him since before Christmas.

Sigyn: Oh, no!

Bob: Yeah, it’s all very mysterious. He was very brilliant. Really good with poisons and such. I learned so much from him. But a real jerk. He was always calling me “Honey” and “Babe” and trying to pinch me. Used to make me furious.

Loki: I … see. So, um, what’s in the Erlenmeyer flasks?


Bob: I brought samples of my work. This yellow one is a hemotoxin approximately fifty times more potent than rattlesnake venom. It’ll rot you from the inside out, slowly. No cure. And it’s untasteable in lemonade.

Loki: Impressive. What’s in the blue one?


Bob: Looks like window cleaner, doesn’t it? It’ll clean windows all right, but spray it on and after an hour it out-gasses a substance that will knock out anyone within a forty-foot radius.

Loki: Most impressive. Tell me, Bob, what do you think you can offer my organization?

Bob: Well, I enjoy a challenge, and solving problems with chemistry. If anything–or anyone–is bugging you, I can make it– or them– go away.

Loki: Sounds good. Do you have any questions for me?

Bob: Yeah. Would I be reporting to you directly, or working with Sigyn here? She seems pretty smart. You should let her run things.

Loki: I am in charge.

Bob: Pity.

Loki: Well, it’s been a ‘pleasure’ to meet you. I’ll be making some decisions very soon and I will let you know. Thanks for coming in.

Bob: Thanks for the interview. See you, Sigyn. We should do lunch sometime.

Sigyn: Um.


Aaaand she’s gone. Hmm. That was… interesting. She thinks I didn’t see that colossal eye-roll as she was leaving or hear her muttering something that sounded remarkably like “stupid horns…overcompensating…” Not since I tangled with the Black Widow have I felt so protective of my manhood. Sorry, Roberta, I don’t think you’ll be getting the job.

>|: [


  1. Hmm, I had not considered that a research assistant is remarkably similar to a minion.

    I think the she would try and overthrow you eventually. I vote to keep looking.

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