Day: February 18, 2015

Light ’em up

After yesterday’s diary post about cake and kings and sacrificial, inedible babies, the human female sat me down and gave me some long-winded lecture about being sensitive to the religious beliefs of others and how I might try to be helpful rather than scoffing. There was probably more than that, but to be honest, I stopped listening about halfway through. Blah, blah, blah.

She explained some more about what’s going on today. Turns out it’s not about me, which is probably just as well. (I didn’t want an inedible-baby-flavored cake with purple sugar anyway.)

Today’s activities involve burning palm trees so that the resultant ashes can be daubed on people.

Botanical pyromania! Sounds like fun! In the spirit of ecumenical cooperation, I’d love to help. Where could I find…? Well, well, well. Now isn’t that lucky? Look at what’s part of the set-up for some of the labs at the human female’s workplace this week! And as it happens, I am well-prepared for just such an eventuality…


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Bon voyage! (A lesson in villainy)

In villainy, as in comedy, timing is everything. It’s crucial to know when a joke has been played out, when it’s time to move on to the next thing.

I have, therefore, waved my powerful hand and allowed the return tags for the apothecary bottles to finally arrive in the human female’s in-box.


Truth be told, I shall miss them a bit. I’ve had such fun with them. I am contenting myself by thinking of the enjoyment I will have messing with the refund process once they reach their destination–which is (get this!) a town only about 100 miles away. The human female could have driven them there herself some morning and been back in time for lunch.

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