Today my camera crew and I am on the trail of an elusive giant snake that has been reported from the basement of Butler Hall. We hope to locate this monster and photograph it.
(cue dramatic music)
WARNING: Slitherous reptiles can be extremely aggressive when cornered. The snake hunters in this program are experts. Under no circumstances should you attempt an encounter with a giant snake.
For some time now, there have been sightings of this massive beast, and the locals are understandably anxious. The livestock herders daren’t let the sheep and goats out of their sight. Mothers are keeping their children indoors. After studying all of the accounts, I have determined that if I am to come face to face with this creature, it will be here. Wait! I hear rustling in the undergrowth! Is this it?
There he is! There he is! What a beauty! Look at the size of him! Simply massive! This beast is miles long! And look at those markings! Stupendous! Quick! Get a shot of the markings on this guy!
Careful, now. Careful. He could eat me if he wanted to. One snap of those mighty jaws and it’s, "Goodbye, Loki." <whispering> He’s coming right for me. Get a load of this! I can’t believe it. I don’t think this species has ever been described before. If I were naming it, I would call it Constrictor jormungandr after the mighty Midgard Serpent… Here he is!
Oh, aren’t you a beauty! Remember, if you treat an animal with respect, it will respect you. This fellow knows I don’t mean him any harm. You’re all right…you’re all right. I’m just going to touch that gorgeous head of yours…
Augh! I’m down! I’m down! He’s run me over! Are you getting this? He’s making a break for it! No, don’t help me up– just get the footage.
Damn. It got away before we could measure it and has escaped into the shrubbery. But we have the photos, proof that this monster really does exist…
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