Month: April 2015

Found Objects, Part II: Sticks and Stones…

After taking a break to Do Science, I am back to looking for nifty things lying around. I have found another strange object. I do not know what it is.

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The human female says it is "a teeny, tiny Lego Loki Thighmaster" and that I need to lay off the in-between-meal snacks.

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This means war.

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Didn’t we do this already? Part IV: An unexpected member of the Scinscidae

Still not a lot visitors to the Plant Geek tent. I am bored with crayons and checklists and flowers. More than ready to go home, even if the human female is still yammering and playing with the art supplies.

Sigyn, perhaps we should take a little walk down the trail and see if there is anything interesting at the other exhibits. Which would you rather, mammals or insects? Very well, furry it is.

Oh, wait! It looks like the Herpetology tent has come to visit us!

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The human female says this is an Ambassador Animal, someone’s pet that visitors can touch, and that it is something called a “blue-tongued stink.” I don’t smell anything, but the tongue sounds interesting. Open wide, lizard, and let’s have a look!

Um, this beast is now a bit too close for comfort. Pet or not, I must summon Gungnir and make sure Sigyn is safe. Stop, beast! That is far enough!

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I should have known. My sweetie sure does have a way with animals!

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What?! Ehehehehehe! The naughty stink has…peed on the humans! Oh, ehehehehehehe! Well done! Not bored anymore!!

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Didn’t we do this already? Part III: Bored now.

So the Biology Nerds in the Woods Festival is now open. The Plant Team’s table is all set up. Let the crowds come!

Any moment now.

Stiiiill waiting.

Here come some— No. Sorry! Just more volunteers.

Well, well, well. It appears that the humans have done a monumental amount of work for a pitiful turnout from the public. Before you ask, no, I’m sure the fact that I helped various organizations schedule a dozen other events going on all over town today has nothing to do with it.

Now we must amuse ourselves while we wait for visitors to show up. Sigyn is playing with the hand lens.

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Ehehehehe! You look funny! My turn! Human, hold the lens and let me try.

Grrrr!

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That was fun! What else can we do? I see we have crayons. Crayons are acceptable. Last year I made a pink leaf rubbing. Green. I need green. Green is better.

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The human female, though extremely sloppy about most things, is very “sensitive to color.” She is completely unable to resist the urge to herd the box of mixed up crayons into some semblance of spectral conformity.

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It’s a sickness. Still, I must admit that the green ones do look best all grouped together.

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Sigyn, of course, prefers the other end of the lineup.

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Wow. Look how bright it is outside the tent! The sun has come out, and it is really warming up out there. Warm enough, say, to turn a rainbow of crayons into a puddle of waxy goo…

Nudge, nudge, roll, shove.

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Didn’t we do this already? Part II: Real Science

Now we are Doing Science. The human female has traipsed all over the wet woods with her little checklist, noting which plants are in evidence at the moment. I’d like to point out that no one is actually going to check what she’s marking down. She’s probably just making it all up, racking up a terrific tally of species she can boast about later. (With her, it’s all about beating the Insect Nerds and Bird People.)

Now that she is back at the plant tent, I shall help with that. Let me improve her list.

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She came back from her survey with this grass that Sigyn likes.

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Sigyn found this pretty little flower. She says it looks like little orchids.

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If I knew what an orchid looks like, I might agree.

She has also found this yellow daisyish flower.

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Eew! Sigyn, wait! Look–

Too late.

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There were aphids in that.

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Didn’t we do this already? Part I: The Prepwork

Sometimes it is brought home to me just how paltry is my progress in subjugating this planet. Can it be a year already since the last time the human female dragged herself, Sigyn, me, and literal bucketsful of supplies out to the wood for the annual Biology Nerds in the Woods Festival, or whatever it’s called?

Here we are again, some of us protesting volubly.

Apparently there is a lot of preparation necessary. For the human female and her cohorts, that means planning and working up activities for the younglings and coordinating the volunteers. The woods need to be tidied and, I don’t know, the animals combed, and the bugs polished, or something.

On my part, I saw to it that there would be rain. Lots and lots of rain. The sun is out now, and I expect it is going to be wickedly steamy later. The humans will be miserable! The dimples and ditches are filled, the paths are running channels, and all the plants that like it wet are, according to Sigyn, “very, very happy.”

Here. Have a picture of a wet plant.

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Don’t ask me what its name is. I don’t care.

The human female plans to lay out a self-guided plant trail, labeling the wildflowers and trees with their common and sciencey names. Sigyn has leapt to help her. It will take them hours to place hundreds of painstakingly handwritten flags.

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It will take me about thirty seconds to swap all the names around once they’re done. “Bluebonnets” will go on the red flowers, and the “Stop and smell the sweet clover” will go on the nettles. The “Come this way” flag is going to lead all the visitors through the deepest puddle I can find.

I’ve also arranged for a prodigious hatching of mosquitoes and sweat-flies. Let the good times begin!

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Found Objects, Part I: It’s a….thing.

Sigyn and I are out for a stroll, just– Oh. What is this?

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Sigyn doesn’t know, either. I think, though, that it has the look of something that would make a very nice bomb.

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Next time the human female makes gravy, this is going in the bottom of the pot.

Sigyn, what is that you’ve found?

Hmm. I believe it is some sort of paper clip, but I agree! It does look as if it is smiling!

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Oh! Oh! If you hold it that way, Sigyn, it has little buck teeth. “Doopty doopty do! Hurr de durr. Look at me–I’m so happy to be a paper clip, Hyuk, yuk, yuk!”

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(Sigyn loves it when I do funny voices.)

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Impressions of a throne

The human female does have some garden plants she hasn’t managed to kill. Take, for example, this bed of irises.

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For one week in April, it resembles a work by the Midgardian painter Monet. (I saw his work in a book and was intrigued. Frigga would adore Impressionist art, Odin would dismiss it as unrealistic, and Thor… That boor Thor would ask if were time for lunch yet.)

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Each velvety blossom lasts but a single day. What a fleeting perch for my beloved!

But royal purple is a fitting throne indeed for the rightful King of Asgard.

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Michief Update

This week is definitely more harried than last, thanks in no small part to my efforts. Mischief Level: 7

1. The human female’s teaching labs continue to vacillate between hot and cold. Right now they’re hot, the temperature set-point having been overridden somehow to allow rooms warm enough to kill starfish in the tanks. Killing marine life was *not* my intent. It’s just fun to see instructors sweat.

2. One of the Big Vendors With Whom the Female Spends Many Dollars drew up a nice little quote on some scientific equipment she’d like to buy. It was due on a tight deadline. I jiggled his hand and had it show up with someone else’s name and address in the Bill To and Ship To fields. Oopsie. Ehehehehehe.

3. I’ve arranged for the building’s only elevator to be down for repairs precisely when the human female and her staff want to bring in all the supplies for summer classes.

4. The cat’s voice lessons are really starting to bear fruit. The feline’s range, vibrato, and dynamics are all wonderfully expanded. Performances at 11:15 p.m., 2:35 a.m., and 4:45 a.m. daily. Admission free!

5. The human female had to give a talk on a botanical subject yesterday. I improved her presentation with numerous images of Sigyn and myself, then addled her notes and threw in some extra slides so that her talk went on forever and she made a right idiot out of herself. (I began by disabling the Presenter View option so she couldn’t find her notes, but she figured out a workaround, the wench.)

6. There is a big nature science day “thing” in town this coming weekend, with field trips and walks and talks and booths and activities for the younglings. I’ve ordered rain.

7. I convinced all of the local grocery stores to cease carrying the humans’ favorite flavor of fizzy water, and their favorite salsa has been discontinued by the manufacturer altogether. (It was mild. Who eats mild? Wusses.)

8. The humans are expecting a few more rounds of out of town company. That’s always good for some stress. If she’d just quit being such a sloven, the female wouldn’t have to scramble so much when someone wants to visit.

The copier’s been behaving well. Must go see to that…

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