Didn’t we do this already? Part I: The Prepwork

Sometimes it is brought home to me just how paltry is my progress in subjugating this planet. Can it be a year already since the last time the human female dragged herself, Sigyn, me, and literal bucketsful of supplies out to the wood for the annual Biology Nerds in the Woods Festival, or whatever it’s called?

Here we are again, some of us protesting volubly.

Apparently there is a lot of preparation necessary. For the human female and her cohorts, that means planning and working up activities for the younglings and coordinating the volunteers. The woods need to be tidied and, I don’t know, the animals combed, and the bugs polished, or something.

On my part, I saw to it that there would be rain. Lots and lots of rain. The sun is out now, and I expect it is going to be wickedly steamy later. The humans will be miserable! The dimples and ditches are filled, the paths are running channels, and all the plants that like it wet are, according to Sigyn, “very, very happy.”

Here. Have a picture of a wet plant.


Don’t ask me what its name is. I don’t care.

The human female plans to lay out a self-guided plant trail, labeling the wildflowers and trees with their common and sciencey names. Sigyn has leapt to help her. It will take them hours to place hundreds of painstakingly handwritten flags.


It will take me about thirty seconds to swap all the names around once they’re done. “Bluebonnets” will go on the red flowers, and the “Stop and smell the sweet clover” will go on the nettles. The “Come this way” flag is going to lead all the visitors through the deepest puddle I can find.

I’ve also arranged for a prodigious hatching of mosquitoes and sweat-flies. Let the good times begin!

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