Day: May 12, 2015

A Perilous Expedition; Part X: An Orthopaedic Post Script

I can’t leave without pointing out that I found this padding-and-rubber contraption in the human female’s backpack, where it most assuredly should not be.

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What is it and where is it supposed to be? It is a tennis-elbow band, and it is supposed to be on the human female’s arm. Not that she is coordinated enough to play tennis, mind you, but she has given herself an intractable tendinitis sewing doll clothes, typing, doing yardwork, and attempting dangerous things like folding laundry and reaching for her water cup.

The fact that this has been going on for months now is probably the reason why I found this in the pack as well.

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The physical therapists have been unable to help her and now she has to see the Big Guy. Her appointment is next week. My prediction is that he will take one look at her knobbly arm, determine that half the problem is in her shoulder and neck, and tell her to UNLOAD SOME OF THE CRAP FROM HER DAMN BACKPACK!

At the very least, she should quit lugging it around by only one shoulder strap. Using both is much more ergonomically friendly. Though I don’t know how much good that will do as I have magicked them so that one will always be precisely three inches longer than the other.

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Farewell. My work here is done.

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A Perilous Expedition, Part IX: Out of the depths I cry

I know I declared myself fearless at the outset of this journey, but it with no small degree of trepidation that I embark upon the last stage of exploration.

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I am headed for… The Bottom. If I do not return, tell Sigyn I loved her, and give her the rubber fish to remember me by.

Oh. This isn’t so scary. It’s just a teeny little baby customer card that has wandered away from its mama.

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The human female actually gets her money’s worth from this company. I keep leaving pointy things in the driveway, and she keeps calling these Three Tent people out to change her tires. Oh, she knows how to change a tire. She’s just too puny to be able to loosen the lug nuts.

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A stained cotton rag. Left over from what? I have not the smallest clue. It is very soft, though, and might serve for polishing eyeglasses. It is certainly no dirtier than the blue one meant for that purpose.

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Hair holder. She has fabric ones and elastic ones. I have hidden most of her favorites, and she is left with ones that match none of her clothes.

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This brown paper bag holds a county vaccination tag for the feline, who is always most horribly misbehaved at the vet. I have coached her well. The human female dreads trips to the vet, but I enjoy going along. It is always good to see someone besides myself in a muzzle!

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Somehow, the only really surprising thing about this is how these paper packets haven’t managed to rip open and disgorge their contents, although the pepper appears to be making a valiant effort. I shall help it out a bit, because….

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…..why not? Another half-teaspoon more of grit/crumbs/sand/tiny seeds/cruft in the bottom of this pack is not going to make much difference.

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Auuugh! What the HEL?! What kind of sick person carries something like this in their backpack?! And for so long that all its legs FALL OFF?! If anything, the missing legs make it more grotesque. This is just too much.

People talk about me, but truly, this woman is beyond crazy. I have had enough, thank you very much, and am going home to my beloved.

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