Day: November 25, 2015

Are We There Yet?

Ugh.  I let myself be persuaded to go along on the humans’ trip out to the far western portion of this state/province/fiefdom of Midgard where the human female’s mother lives.  What they neglected to mention is that this is just about the biggest damned state/province/fiefdom in this particular realm.  We are going to be in the car  ALL DAY.  It is too late to back out now, and Sigyn has her heart set on going, but I want to go on record as saying I am not looking forward to being cooped up in a metal box with the human female’s choice of music for so long

I have invited a few friends and acquaintances to accompany us.  If I’m going to suffer, everyone else is going to suffer too.  We are all packed, I have dosed Benno and Fisi with Dramamine, and I guess there is nothing left to do but drive.


Note the time.  Note also that it is a whole hour earlier where we are headed because this state is so indecently huge that it can’t be squashed into a single time zone.  Unbelievable.  When I rule the world I will tidy this mess up.


The scenery has been rather same-ish for the first several HUNDRED miles.  Tree, farm, cow, field, truck, truck, giant metal rooster.  (Don’t ask me.  It is, apparently, a thing.)  We have now encountered a few hills, and there are some odd goats that are all white with brown or black heads.  I’m sure there is a story behind that.  (Actually, it looks like the sort of livestock joke I would play.)  The vegetation is a little scrubbier and the road a little more wind-y, but otherwise, yawn.  We have how many more hours of this?

The human female has been driving all this time  (I’m always amazed that the Department of Public Safety lets her loose on the highway) and now it is time for a stop.  I am given to understand that the roadside establishments in this realm have a “charm” all their own.  I shall attempt to alleviate some of my boredom on this trip by examining some of the wares and comestibles for sale.


Sigyn?  Do you know what “deer corn” is?  I have tried plain popcorn, and I know that caramel corn is quite popular.  I guess this is a venison-flavored snack?  That’s not the worst snack idea I’ve ever heard of, but why would anyone want thirty pounds of it?


We are eating a lunch that the human female packed, so as not to “lose too much time” dining at a restaurant.  Mmmm–there is nothing quite like juggling a beverage, a sandwich, small root vegetables, and other crunchy orange things in a moving vehicle.


Not to mention that these particular crunchy orange things are preternaturally messy and addictive. Sigyn, my love, it pains me to remind you that aren’t allowed to go near them.   We’ve barely got you cleaned up from the last time.  I think there are some pretzels in the bag in the back seat.  Those should be safe.


Later.  By Odin’s crummy depth perception!  This isn’t our destination?!  Sadly, no. This hamlet is called “Junction.”  The human female says that is because this is where Nowhere meets Boonies, and I’m inclined to believe her.  Let’s see what’s on offer here.


¡Muy delicioso!  There are many sorts of small cakes labeled in Spanish.  Some of them look tasty, but rather than choose the first thing I see, I shall keep looking, in case there is something better a little further on.


This is not it.

Sigyn has found something red that looks to be sweet and a little nutty.


Like calls to like, as they say.

Hours later and we are now just half way.  Outside are flat-topped small mountains that the human female says used to stick up out of a huge inland sea.  Now all that is left are rocks, sand, cactus and other prickly plants, and another 360 miles of asphalt. I feel a desperate need to jump out and stretch my legs.  And maybe scream a bit.


This is Ozona.  Or maybe it’s not.  One West Texas town is much like the next and I am losing track.  The humans are navigating from memory and Yelp is asleep on the map.  Let us see what gastronomical delights await inside.


Ooo.   Wine pouches.  Classy.  As much as I could really use a good stiff drink, I think I will pass.  Oh, joy.  We’re all getting back in the car.


More miles, fewer trees, more desert-y bushes, and bigger hills, some of which could generously be called small mountains.  The human female has had a nap, done some more driving, and handed off to the male again.  The sun is beginning to sink, though as we are proceeding westward at 80 mph, it it taking its own sweet time to reach the horizon.  No, it is going to shine in straight into our eyes for as long as it possibly can.

Another stop. This little store sells candy with interrogative text on the wrappers.  My love, who are you when you’re hungry?


And look– they have one for me.



It is fully dark now. There is a pale full moon peeking in the window, but no stars to speak of.  In fact, some clouds are gathering, and I believe we will be rained upon before we reach our destination.  This is the Chihuahuan desert, so of course I expected rain.  It’s the crazy sort of anomaly that makes sense when you have been in a car for about ten hours.  Sigyn, do you realize that we could have flown across the ocean in the time we have spent in the car today?  And after this, our last stop, we still have two hours to go!  Let’s have one last look at strange Midgardian foodstuffs and drinkables.


Aw, Sweetie, I love you too.  It’s a hellish trip, but I’d go to the end of the galaxy and back if it would make you happy.


Still later.  Lights, open door, hugs, proper food, bed.  We’re home.

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