This Makes a Nice Change

Most days, the human female dines, as she puts it, al desko, meaning she shovels whatever she has brought into her face while surfing the web or reading a book.  Bo-ring.  She knows she should get out and get out some exercise and fresh air, but old habits are hard to break.

Today she is meeting up with a friend for lunch.  She has crawled out of her office hidey-hole and stepped, blinking, into the sun like some light-starved troglodyte.  She has made her way across the street and into the next building over, where they are dining at the friend’s desk.  (Baby steps.  Baby steps.)

Let’s see what’s on the menu.  The friend has brought some leftover soup.

lunchdate1

Looks good, doesn’t it, Sigyn?  What did the human female bring?  Oh, apples.  How original and unexpected.

lunchdate4

The human female has shifted into Nerd Mode and is lecturing about the one called Orleans Reinette, “an old French apple, one with a nice balance of sweet and tart, and the parent of several other cultivars.”  Blah, blah, blah, blah.  Dork.

Here is the inside:

lunchdate5

What is it she wants me to notice?  It looks like an apple…  To anyone but the very weird, one pome is much like another.  But now that I look at it closely, I do see that its green skin has quite a bit of russeting around the stem cavity.  Where did we see that before, Sigyn?  Oh, yes, the little apple she called Roxbury Russet.   Come to think of it, this bears a remarkable resemblance to a Roxbury Russet.  If I didn’t know better, I’d say that some mischievous someone had been switching the little labels on her apples…

Surely that’s not all she’s having for lunch?  I mean, she could do with a bit less avoir du pois, but one cannot live on little green apples.  Ah.  There it is.  It’s sandwich time!

lunchdate2

Hmm.  Whole wheat–good beginning.  What’s inside?  Oh.  Cheese.  Always cheese.  And she always, always, eats it in the same manner.

lunchdate3

Crusts first, in a circle. Round and round, finishing with one small, circular, doll-sized sandwich at the very end.  I’m given to understand that her mother eats them in the same fashion, which raises the age-old question–Nature or Nurture?  Does the human female eat her sandwiches in this odd geometric fashion because she grew up watching her mother do it, or is there something lurking in her genes which compels her to nibble circumferentially?  Is there, somewhere amongst the roots of the family tree, an ancestress who consumed the Ur-sandwich this way as homage to some superstitiously-revered sun deity?  Or is it a mere affectation, something she does on purpose, just to drive me mad?

Arrrgh!  This is going to bother me all day. Stupid humans and their stupid lunches…

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9 comments

  1. Loki, the BEST part of the sandwich is the very middle. By eating all the crust first, you get rid of the edges, and then nibble slowly, round and around, until you get to the sweet spot. Anticipation is the name of the game. I recommend the technique.

    1. Let me guess…when you eat an ice cream cone, you nibble round and round the cone until you have a one-inch doll’s cone at the end, which you eat all in one bite?

      The sandwich-circle business wouldn’t fly in Asgard. Well, not if you were eating with Thor. While you were daintily nibbling, nibbling, he’d have finished off all the rest of the sandwiches, plus your fruit and dessert, and you’d always, always leave the table hungry.

  2. Yes, of course, to the ice cream method. As Tom Hiddleston explained to Cookie Monster, it’s called delayed gratification.

    As for Thor, a quick stab to the back of his hand with the business end of a fork would help him mind his manners.

    1. Alas, Mama Frigga has a no-exceptions ban on inflicting bodily harm at the table. Bickering is overlooked, as long as no one’s dinner is ruined and it doesn’t get too loud. Odin, of course, gets away with everything and more than once has reduced some hapless dinner guest to tears with his own peculiar brand of verbal venom.

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