The Three Little Kittens Aren’t The Only Ones

You can always tell a true super-villain by his finesse.  Any cranky mutant with dumb brute force can reduce a city to rubble or enslave a sheep-like populace, but it takes a true master such as myself to drive his victims deliciously mad before they finally kneel.

Allow me to illustrate.

The human female is notorious for her cold hands.  This one of her gloves.  Its mate (the one without the ravelly hole) is lost somewhere in her car.


This one of her brown gloves.


The brown pair lasted about a week before I hid one in a different car.  Between one moment and the next, it vanished.  Poof.

She also has one solid blue glove, one red one, one maroon cloth one, and several others that are the last representatives of their species.

Here is a full matched pair!  They’re the kind she likes, too, with the long cuffs that keep her gangly orangutan wrists warm.


But I’ve seen to it that both have gaping holes.

And here’s another pair.  Nice, snowy white ones.


I don’t know what happened–they were clean when she wore them for the first time this morning.

Ehehehehe!  Her mother sends her bags full at every gifting opportunity and I just go through them like Volstagg through a buffet line.  She is just about to crack completely and is almost reduced to wearing socks on her chapped little hands.

Oh, look!  Mittens!


They’re a matched pair (more or less), they’re intact, and Sigyn assures me they are “very cute.”  They are also half-sized Yule decorations, so the only functional pair of hand-warmers in this whole house is the pair that doesn’t fit.

It’s going to be a looooooong winter.

>|: [



  1. What the world needs now are gloves, sweet loves
    They’re the only things that there’s just too little of.

    What the world needs now are gloves, sweet gloves
    No, not just for some but for everyone.

    Lord, we don’t need another mitten.
    There are mittens and mufflers enough to warm.

    There are slippers and comfy socks enough to wear,
    Enough to last ’till the end of time.

    What the world needs now are gloves, sweet gloves.
    They’re the dumb matched things that Loki won’t leave two of.

    What the world needs now are gloves, sweet gloves,
    No, not just for some but for everyone

    1. Ah, but it was your “human female” who made the original winter-wear substitution in the lyrics decades ago! I merely completed the verse….

      1. All she wants is a mitten pair
        T’keep her hands from the cold night air
        (She thought she left them there…)
        Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly!

        Lots of wool socks for freezing feet
        Lots of sweaters for lots of heat
        And long-johns are a treat!
        Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly!

        Oh, so comfily wearing snuggly, toasty winter clothes
        She would never strip
        As long as the cold wind blows!

        I have to laugh now, when she gets cold
        When she’s gloveless, it’s comic gold!
        All hail, Loki the Bold!
        Oh, wouldn’t it be loverly!

  2. Oh, this was GREAT! I’m sure Loki didn’t compose these lyrics, so I wonder from whom he STOLE them?

    I suspect he lifted them verbatim from one of the human female’s notebooks.


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