Dear Human Female,
You got all excited when you found some cinnamon-sugar pretzels at the Big Fancy Food Market. They make a nice snack, with the added benefit that they’re less inclined to go straight to your thighs than cake or cookies.
You packed some in your lunch today and have been looking forward to eating them all morning.
Here–I’ll open them for you.
Sniff! Smell the cinnamon? Smell the rancid oils? Ehehehehe! You are correct! I’ve perfected my pretzel-staling spell!
Enjoy!
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