In Which I Teach an Old Cat a New Trick

It’s an old Midgardian maxim that you can’t train a cat.  I most emphatically beg to differ.  All it takes is an understanding of feline nature and finding something that motivates the cat. Cats, being lazy, self-absorbed, and unimpressed by anyone else’s opinion, act only as benefits their own interests.

The cat who lives with the humans lives to annoy them.  We have that in common, and I have undertaken to teach it a new behavior designed to make each and every morning an exercise in exasperation.

It is actually very simple.  I have convinced the cat that the most delectable beverage in the world is the ambrosia known as shower water. Like clockwork now, she waits outside the enclosure while the humans remove their native stink, yowling to be admitted to partake.  As each showerer attempts to exit through the smallest possible opening, she shoulders her way inside, resulting in a Homo-Felis traffic jam that leaves everyone damp and cranky.



Then there are the slurping noises. Lots and lots of slurping.

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  1. Please be more clear. You have a cat which is similarly annoying and you wish me to trrain it to demand shower water? Or you wish to inquire whether I have expanded my cat training to other venues?

    1. Forgive me: I meant to ask if it were possible that my cat learned this behavior from you, long-distance? The little wet footprints leading out of the shower on a daily basis are truly annoying.

  2. Does that come on a CD album? “Cat-Yowling in D Minor: A Homo-Felis Traffic Jam Symphonic Production”… On repeat during the morning commute. 😉 🎶

  3. If I thought there was truly a market for such a recording… Unfortunately, humans are most annoyed by the sound of their *own* cat yowling, and I really do not have time to make individual recordings for each human who would benefit from owning one.

      1. If someone else’s cat is yowling, one can throw a shoe at it, or at the very least, think smugly, “I would never have a cat so ill-behaved.” When one’s own cat begins an aria, you will be frowned upon by the other members of your family for lobbing footgear, and there is no escaping the fact that you have failed to train your cat not to be obnoxious.

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