Month: April 2016

More Lawn Fun

We are still poking about in the lawn.  Sigyn is so excited!  She says you never know what you might find.  I predict gum wrappers, crab grass, and the occasional ant.

But this is something:

mazus

The human female says it is called Japanese Mazus and is not very common here.  Good catch, Sigyn!  You have a keen eye for the unusual.

And a keen nose, too.  You’re right–I do smell lemon!  Where is that coming from?

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From that little purple mint?  Are you sure?  Here, let me bend it down so you can take a good sniff.

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Mmm.  I agree.  We should get some of this for our lawn.  The human female is beyond lax in her weeding.  She’d probably let it stay.

I wonder what other treasures we can find in the lawn.

Look at this!

owlfeather

What do you suppose dropped this?  Or, rather, whooo do you suppose dropped it?  Look at the fringe-y edge of your side of the feather, Sigyn.  That breaks up air flow and makes for quiet flying.  Now that we know that there are owls in the neighborhood, we will have to be extra careful if we go walking at night.  You are so cute and have a tiny, squeaky voice–I wouldn’t want Mister Owl to mistake you for a tasty snack!

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Tiny Lawn Thingies

The human female says that April is a good time to do some “Belly Botany.”  This means that while she says she is going for a nice, invigorating walk, she really plans to stop every ten feet, squat down on her plump haunches, and peer at people’s lawns.

Why she hasn’t been arrested yet, I have no idea.

Sigyn likes tiny flowers, so the three of us have formed a strange procession.  As I predicted, we have made it no farther than the park on the corner.

tinylawn

Sigyn thinks the Dwarf Dandelions are “cute.”  I think Sigyn is cute.

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Scarlet Pimpernel, one of Sigyn’s oldest and dearest floral friends.   She looks forward to them every year, and one of my favorite photos of her was taken amidst these grenadine-colored posies.

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Sigyn likes this one because it “looks like lace.”  The God of Mischief does not “do” lace.  I think I may need to go smite something just to keep my virile reputation intact.  Where is Thor when you need him?

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The Human Female is a Big, Fat Hypocrite

The human female is *such* a hypocrite.  She professes to love cats of all sorts.  She makes a huge fuss over the feral cats at her workplace, even going so far as to pat the seat next to her when she gets into the car, asking one or another of them if it doesn’t want to come home and live with us.

Well, the other night, when she was leaving home to go do boring things with dead plants, she heard the flp-p-p-p-p- noise that means her little blue car has sucked an oak leaf into the air system and needs a bit of a clean out.  (No surprise–she parks under an oak tree and the vehicle accumulates a lot of leaves, acorns, and catkins.)  So she shut off the engine, popped the hood latch, and got out to do some excavating.

That is when she found the lovely stripey-tailed surprise kitty I brought her, sitting on her engine under the hood.   She must have spooked it, though, because it jumped down and hid between the sunflower and the elm seedlings.

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She was so mean!  It was lonely and hungry and scared, and she didn’t offer to cuddle it or feed it or anything.  It just wanted to be friends.  It even left her a present!

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Bitch.

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There Are Some Very Terrible Things on the Internet

It is a well-known fact that my best-beloved Sigyn needs rather a lot of rescuing.  She is always falling down, getting trapped in various tight spots, and being pounced upon by various wild beasts.  Not mention being kidnapped by evil doppelgangers!  I am ever-vigilant, lest she come to harm.  No place is truly safe.

Now it appears that I will have to monitor her internet usage.  She likes to “surf” the web, looking at glass paperweights, planning her dream garden, mulling over needlework patterns, and contemplating various recipes, and all of this is usually harmless. Sometimes, however, she will stumble upon something disturbing and suffer from nightmares or the collywobbles.  (Cuddles are usually enough to dispel collywobbles.  Nightmares can be more problematic, requiring the application of cuddles, cookies, AND hot cocoa.  This is known as the Three C Method. )

Today I’m getting that tingling in my left horn that tells me she is in danger–or about to be so.  What is this that she has gotten into?  She has found a humorous trove of videos of someone crushing things in a large hydraulic press.

Ehehehehe!  Smashing an alarm clock! Yggdrasil knows I’ve wanted to do this myself.

Ahahahaha!  Today’s menu–fruit salad!   Ehehehee–why is this so funny?

Ahem. No, I am not giggling!  I am a god.  Giggling would be beneath my dignity.

At any rate, this seems to be some harmless fun, apart from some colorful language and the demise of some even more colorful clay animals.  My danger-sense must be off toda–

Norns’ nighties!  No, Sigyn, don’t watch the next one!  For the love of all that is good, DO NOT WATCH THE NEXT ONE!

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In Which I Teach an Old Cat a New Trick

It’s an old Midgardian maxim that you can’t train a cat.  I most emphatically beg to differ.  All it takes is an understanding of feline nature and finding something that motivates the cat. Cats, being lazy, self-absorbed, and unimpressed by anyone else’s opinion, act only as benefits their own interests.

The cat who lives with the humans lives to annoy them.  We have that in common, and I have undertaken to teach it a new behavior designed to make each and every morning an exercise in exasperation.

It is actually very simple.  I have convinced the cat that the most delectable beverage in the world is the ambrosia known as shower water. Like clockwork now, she waits outside the enclosure while the humans remove their native stink, yowling to be admitted to partake.  As each showerer attempts to exit through the smallest possible opening, she shoulders her way inside, resulting in a Homo-Felis traffic jam that leaves everyone damp and cranky.

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Then there are the slurping noises. Lots and lots of slurping.

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No. Just…No.

Humans frequently do things which they KNOW to be foolish and even harmful.  Take the human female, for example.  Today on campus, there was a food truck that was part of some sort of advertisement campaign targeting students, who are easy marks because, as a rule, they will eat just about anything. Also, the first, sacrosanct law of college life is “Never Turn Down Free Food,”and that is just what the truck was handing out–free food.  There was a long line of takers, and the human female–ever GREEDY–jumped right in, even though she is not a student.

This is what she has come back with.  I…I don’t recognize this at all.  I’m not sure it is even actually food.

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Closer examination reveals corn-based, fried chips coated with a garish, spicy powder; chopped onions; slices of small, hot peppers; and shredded roast pork (now that bit sounds good!), all deluged with something called “barbecue sauce” and another goo which purports to be cheese.  Sigyn is properly horrified.

And the human female is eating it.   Oh, she looked at the label’s nutrition information for just the chips and was taken aback–but she has decided if she doesn’t eat all the chips it will be all right, if she “has a nice salad for dinner.” That woman can rationalize ANYTHING.

Bleargh.  I can’t watch this.  Come, Sigyn, let us go find some lunch that was not made by a large petrochemical corporation and which contains less than our body weight in salt, sugar, artificial coloring, and fat.

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