Mischief Update: Who’s on First? (Or Maybe That Should Be, “Shoes on First?”

I haven’t had a lot of projects lately, but the few I’ve had have been pretty good, if I do say so myself.

Remember the human female’s new ugly, squeaky shoes?  She finally solved the squeaking, but I fixed it so they did nothing for her feet.   Walking became an agony. Her pathetic little limp-waddle was a sight to behold.  She did an exhaustive internet search to see if anyone had old stock of the discontinued ones.  Success!  Whoosh! (That’s the sound of money leaving a PayPal account.)  The next day, there was a note from the Vendor that the order was cancelled because they didn’t actually have them.  So she searched some more and found another relict pair!  Again, Whoosh!  That time it only took 5 minutes for the transaction to be cancelled due to Lack of Actual Shoes.  She drove us all nuts with her wailing for several days, then did some research and bought a pair of a different brand online.  She likes them better because the trim is purple rather than lime, and they do seem to be next-best to her discontinued beloveds.  They’re supposed to be waterproof, but we’ll see about that….

I’m still having fun with BAMN.  The human female has begun ordering squiggly things for the summer labs.  You know, just placing the orders and having the Purveyor of Squiggly Things hold shipment until the proper time.  She has to work pretty far in advance, just to give BAMN time to have its nefarious way with things and then clean up the mess.  After she put in the first summer order, she contacted the Account Rep at Purveyor of Squiggly Things and asked them to check and confirm the ship date.  Someone called her back and did just that.  Then, to make extra EXTRA sure, I had someone else call her and ask her again.  I’m not entirely sure, but if I’ve poked things correctly, her order is now double-entered in the system and she’ll get twice the termites for double her fun. The order for the second summer week never converted to a PO, so she had to do it over.  Oh, and she’s going to be out of town when it the order(s) come, so she can get frantic emails from colleagues while she’s trying to concentrate on gardens and museums.  Stay tuned…

What’s more fun than splitting an order of ten luscious, savory chicken fingers from the favorite local chickatorium?  As the humans found out once they got the order home, having the restaurant box up only five! That means you get to call them back and try to convince them to give you five “free” the next time you go back…

I helped the human female take the feline to the vet for its annual checkup.  I’ve discovered that if I prep the cat a few days before with horror stories about what they are going to do, when the day comes she turns from a pudding beast into a hissing, yowling, peeing, bitey, cat-shaped demon.  This year she actually tried to eat the vet tech, which was new.  I know, I know–the cat is geriatric and doesn’t need so much excitement, but really, watching the human female stand in the corner of the vet’s exam room and flinch and apologize just never gets old.

Still no hallway doors on the bathrooms.

One pickled critter is much like the next, so I put a couple predatory annelid worms in the centipede jar in one of the lab rooms.  Took the humans forever to spot that little switch.

My best work, however, has been messing about with the lab instructors and teaching assistants.  I helped one of the lab instructors find a job all the way across the country, so he left on a moment’s notice before classes were done for the semester.  You should have seen the scrambling to get his six sections covered!  E-mails flew back and forth and various other TAs offered to cover or declined a chance to substitute.  Soon, NO ONE had the full roster of who was teaching one class.  The human female was all ready to give the Wednesday evening lab final, but she couldn’t find the exam booklets anywhere!  Frantic phone calls–who has them?!  No one admitted to having them, so the office assistant printed out another whole set, and the human female went to go put pins in props, adjust microscopes, and put sticky arrows where sticky arrows went.  While she was doing it, one of the TA’s she’d been trying hardest to call waltzed in, booklets in hand, ready to give the exam. Super!  But wait–who has the 8:00 a.m. section the following morning?  Apparently no one!  By this point, Prep Staffers were being recruited to proctor.  Ehehehe!  What a mess!  Eventually a proctor was located and the human female was free to go. Of course, the human male had gone home, so the female got to hike across campus to where the spare vehicle was parked.  Eh, she needs the exercise.  The next morning, the human female proctored an exam for a different TA, so that TA could teach a lab for a THIRD TA who had a job interview.  Yet another TA had to have someone cover her sections because she had to have surgery.  It was all so wonderfully confused, and the human female got stuck with grading two sections of multipage lab exams.  I now have a great idea for a game involving cups, balls, and suckers who stand to lose a lot of money.

Rated an 8 for that one evening alone…

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