Day: September 2, 2016

Too Hot to Cook, Part II: Of Laziness and Hypocrisy

The humans are still ambivalent about food.  They want to eat it, but they don’t feel like making it.  It’s not just the heat.  The university’s semester has started, so they both have endless meetings and a plethora tasks that should have been completed in June.  The work days run long, and by the time they drag themselves home, check mail, and dole out sustenance to the persistently whiney feline, no one feels like meal prep.  Recipes are streamlined and nothing that smacks of effort is attempted.

The humans are fond of spring rolls and sushi, but who wants to do all the rolling?  Not them, and not I!  Thus, tonight’s menu is something they call Roll-in-a-Bowl.  “Deconstructed,” they call it.  “Lazy,” I call it.


What’s this stuff?  Looks like packing excelsior. Are we sure it’s edible?  Oh.  Noodles.  These will take a very brief dip in some hot water.  (Hey, that sounds like COOKING!)

Humans cannot live by carbs alone (though the female seems willing to put that theory to the test), so we need some protein.


What piscine, pseudo-crustaceous, impostorous substance IS this? Dear, sweet Frigga mother of us all!  The humans are calling this “krab.”  Let me get this straight:  It’s fish, masquerading as crab?  Since a good proportion of fish sold worldwide is not actually the species it’s labeled to be, this stuff could be anything.  Quick!  We need some vegetables to counteract it.


Gnnngh!   Now I know the human female is losing it.  Cucumbers and avocados are not vegetables.  She says the carrot needs to be cut “like matchsticks.”


Good work, Sigyn!  Apparently the cucumber needs to be dittowise.


Hey!  That piece looks a little wide to me.  The human female doesn’t follow instructions very well. I guess for SOME people, quality control means nothing.

The “krab” has now gone in, and it is time for the avocado.  I’m pretty sure avocado has no traditional place in spring rolls, but maybe we are making some sort of bastardized California roll?  (It’s an explanation.  I never said it was a good one.)


Red and green–I at least approve of the color scheme.  Time to add the cooked, cold noodles.


The human female has toasted some sesame seeds for the top (more cooking!) and the male has prepared a sauce of rice wine vinegar, sesame oil, and soy sauce.  Pickled ginger is optional.  All that’s left is the struggle to eat the stuff with chopsticks, along with the evening’s subsequent entertainment–the picking of toasted sesame seeds out of one’s teeth.

Dibs someone else does the dishes.

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