The Kitchen is a Scary Place, Part II: Other Implements of Torture

Odin’s eyepatch!  There really are some gruesome gadgets lurking in the humans’ kitchen!  Will you just look at this:


If I push on this lever, the lethal-looking screw advances.  Supposedly, it is for removing wine corks from bottles.  Or intestines from bellies.  Either/or–it’s up to you.  (Don’t worry, I know that Sigyn is standing right there, and she knows that I know.  I’m just pretending.)

Then there’s this…


Check and see if there’s a maker’s mark, Sigyn.  I’ll wager it says “Torquemada Workshops” on it somewhere.  If I had to hazard a guess, I’d say it’s variant of that old standby, the iron maiden.  Tie the torture-ee over the grating with the circular holes and then swing the spikey-masher part down over them.  I imagine it is rather effective!  One’s alliaceous enemies would be spilling their guts in no time, both literally and figuratively.

This next rusty monstrosity looks to me like some type of rack. Clearly it is adjustable. Plop a hapless victim down, tie them to both parts, and then separate, eliciting a precisely incremental confession.  “Are you guilty now?” –click–“How about now?”

Sigyn thinks she could adapt it for opening recalcitrant jar lids.  She’s such a sweet, naive creature…


Oh, I know exactly what to do with this.


Which reminds me… I haven’t had my brother Thor over for dinner recently…  (dials phone)  “Hello, Thor?  Loki.  Want to come over tomorrow?  I have a surprise for you.”

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