Day: September 14, 2016

The Kitchen is a Scary Place, Part III: I’m Grate, How Are You?

The humans seem to have a ridiculous number of utensils devoted to grating. By all means, let us examine this collection of knuckle-shredders!

There’s a box grater.

boxgrater

See, Sigyn?  It has four different faces, so that you can choose just what size you want the little bits of knuckle to be.

This little one looks relatively harmless by comparison.  And it’s green.

green-grater

Mine, now.

Heimdall’s Horny Helmet!  Sigyn, come look at this tinny contraption!  It’s some sort of antique tumble-grater-grinder.

side-view-tumbler

It is frightening from any angle:

tumble-top

See?  Food goes in the little square chute and is grated against the drum when the handle is turned.

tumble-grater.jpg

And just in case you managed not to hurt yourself with normal operation, it comes with a set of different drums…

extra-tumblers

…so that you can shred your fingertips in the drum-changing process.

Oooh!  No! Wait!  Look at this sleek, black beauty.  Truly, this is the King of Graters!

blackgrater

Just look at those blades!  So sharp… So shiny…  I have seen the the human female reduce large carrots to confetti in seconds with this.  See how the little blades are made?  It grates on both the downstroke and the upstroke, for twice the destructive power.  Last time she had it out, I added a special little baffle of my own to the back.  It now distributes the tiny bits over as large an area of countertop (and sink and stove and floor and person) as is mathematically possible.  She will definitely want to keep knuckles away from this magnificent machine, or else the kitchen will look like the last act of a slasher film.

This is fun!  What next?

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