Day: January 19, 2017

Recipe Time: Orange-Cranberry Braggy Bafflement

The human female likes to bake. She also likes to show off.  When she can do both at once, she is really happy–and gives new meaning to the word “insufferable.”  She and the human male are at a gaming weekend in the Big City to the North, at the home of the parents of the Blue-haired Goddaughter.  The female has brought the makings of a dessert and plans now to do the baking of it in situ, in hopes that all the gamers will oooh and ahhh over her contribution.

What’s she whipping up today, Sigyn?  Ah, that old favorite–the ever-versatile buttermilk quick bread.  She found the recipe online, so though she likes to brag about her “special touches” and “original ideas,” it isn’t strictly true that this is her creation.

Pfft.  And people say that *I* lie…


She has all of the dry ingredients in the bowl already, including a weird substance she says is buttermilk powder but which looks to me more like dried library paste.  Or maybe that weird crumbly stuff you get when foam rubber dries out.

Now she has grated in the “zest of three oranges.” Except she doesn’t have three, so she’s used two, because “three is sort of like two.”


Confused?  Yeah, it doesn’t make sense to me, either.

What’s in the little bag, Sigyn?


Ooh! Candied ginger.  Now this I actually like.  I hope she’s going to cut it up, though, since biting into a large piece can be at least surprising and sometimes unpleasant.

Oh, good.  It’s minced.  How much do we need?


Ah.  I see we are using the TLAR* method today.  I assume the same applies to the dried cranberries?


Uh, oh.  Now the human female has left the realm of recorded recipeage and advanced with all the fearlessness of the truly ignorant into the realm of gastronomic uncertainty.  She’s doubling the recipe (which is fine in itself), and for one of the cups of buttermilk, she is using that weird powder plus a cup of orange juice. I guess that could make sense.


Great Frigga’s hairpins!  Those are are some thoroughly squozen oranges.

But now she’s completely lost the plot.  For the second cup of buttermilk, she is using a carton of yogurt…


…plus some more orange juice.  Except she doesn’t HAVE any more orange juice, because only two oranges, remember?  So she has decided to make up the liquid volume with a third egg, because “three is kind of like two.”

We are ready to pour the frankenbatter into two greased and floured 9″ x 5″ loaf pans.

Except we don’t have them.  One’s a little bigger and one’s a smidge smaller.  One is nonstick.  The other is… not.


I don’t know how she expects this to work.


It took baking the two loaves for different times and adjusting the baking temperature near the last, but we did eventually get two passable-looking loaves.


Sigyn says the “crumb” is “moist and sweet, a little tangy.”  I think it runs more toward “a bit ‘eggy’ and not quite orangey enough, and we could have used more ginger and cranberries.”

But people are eating it and even asking for the recipe.  And she’s preening. Humans are a strange, strange species.

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*That Looks About Right