I’ve mentioned before that BAMN, the purchasing software used by the humans’ work department, is possibly my favorite bit of mischief ever. (Seriously–stroll down memory lane with blog entries marked “BAMN” and chortle along with me.)
BAMN is going to be phased out, but before it goes, I think I can squeeze a little more schadenfreude out of it, just in time for the female’s birthday today. No pictures of me in this post, but with mischief this good, my face would just be gilding the lily.
Ready? The human female needs to order fifteen vials of living Allomyces fungus from the Purveyor of Squiggly Things. I don’t know why. Possibly she wants to put it on her morning oatmeal. I find it’s best not to inquire into these things too deeply.
Let’s fire up BAMN. There’s a notice saying there have been “intermittent issue,” but by all means, let us forge ahead. Wait for it…
TA DA! Happy Birthday, human female! Look at the shiny new interface! I had the BAMN folks buy a whole separate company just to do this! Welcome to Version 14! I know, I know, this update was supposed to roll out a year ago, but you can’t rush greatness. See? The sedate black, maroon, and gray have been replaced with tutti-frutti!
I’m especially proud of of my new “Home” icon. Pfft! Little houses are boring. Who wants a house when you can have a…
… You know what? I’m not sure what that’s supposed to be. I asked the designers for something quirky and different. After staring at for a while, I still have no clue, but the human female is muttering something about melting five-eyed snowmen, so good job, designers!
Or maybe it’s a timer. I bet that’s it. It’s a timer to measure how long it will take her to figure out that to start a new requisition she doesn’t click “Documents” or “Requisitions” off the colorful menu bar, as before. Nope! She’ll have to figure out that she needs the little plus sign near the university name.
She found it! Eventually. (What is it they say about blind hogs and acorns?) Now she’s trying to enter the information she needs to buy the fungus.
Uh, oh. Guess she’ll just have to try again later.
All right. Now it’s working, and she can get the full effect of the redesign.
*I* think the cream on white color scheme is classy and restful, don’t you? It must be just her old eyes that have trouble with the contrast. I mean, the below is perfectly legible!
Ehehehehe! It has taken her five tries to get a session going, six tries to get the vendor accepted, and four tries to get the product code entered in. Since the account number can’t be entered manually, she’s looking it up. Oh, dear. Error 404. Try again!
Great Frigga’s corset! Give the woman a hand, ladies and gentlemen, she’s done it! Got that PO all submitted and everything! All that’s left is to sit back and wait for the goodies.
Ding! You have email! It’s a nice little note from an Occasionally Used Vendor of Chemicals:
Regarding the above PO, would you please provide the item number you are wanting to order so I can process? Once I receive this information, I will process. Thanks. Linda W.
The human female is replying, telling Miss Linda W. that it can’t be her PO–she hasn’t placed an order with this particular OUVoC since July of 2015. No doubt someone at the university has used BAMN to place an order and the OUVoC’s software has pulled up the wrong contact person.
Ding! More email! The order for fungi was assigned a PO number and sent to the vendor. That’s good, right? Wrong! That is the PO that was sent to the OUVoC ! Ehehehehehe! Snort! Oh, my aching sides! Now the human female doesn’t know whether all the vendors in the world got the PO, whether the PO made it to the Purveyor of Squiggly Things as well, or whether she will have to create the PO all over again from scratch. Scenarios 1 and 3 are equally terrifying.
(several phone calls and emails later) The POST did, in fact, receive the PO, so all’s well that ends well, yes?
No. Now it is time to do the receiving on an order that came in yesterday. Well, will you look at that. That is really odd. BAMN won’t let her put in anything other than today’s date. Very well, let’s pretend it came in today. Typetty, typetty…
Oh, this part is good! Watch this… The program doesn’t include freight on the original PO. All purchases are supposed to be pre-pay and add, whatever the amount turns out to be. On this order, though, the POST lost the note about all shipping charges being pre-approved and billed freight as a separate line item. Hence:
Now she gets to try to make accounting see that of course the total is now more than the original PO… Also, there isn’t a way to do receiving on shipping, so someone is going to have to manually pay for it. By all means, let us involve as many bean-counters as possible.
While that’s being resolved, it is time to order a few more things, using BAMN’s punch-outs that go directly to vendors’ catalogs. She’ll find the punch-outs helpfully placed on the “settings” dropdown menu.
You know, the human female thinks her hair is thinning and wonders if I have been pulling it in her sleep. Certainly not! Does she really think I want to touch her greasy head? No way in Hel. Why would I even need to DO that, when I can do this?
Seldom in my career have I had such fun with a single item of mischief! I tell you, the programmers have outdone themselves and deserve a big bonus. Especially when you compare the new site with accessibility guidelines and see this:
BAMN–the gift that keeps on giving. Happy Birthday, dear mortal! Happy Birthday to you!