The human female, daily dismayed at her advancing avoirdupois and her increasing rickettyness*, has joined a
yogurt yoga class at the university. And before I could stop her, she talked Sigyn into doing it with her. Now, twice a week, I have to eat lunch by myself while Sigyn does all sorts of bendy things in a quiet room full of limber people in stretchy clothes.
There are names for all of the poses. I can’t possibly be expected to remember them, so I’ll let Sigyn narrate.
Hi! Sigyn here! We like to start with some simple relaxation and breathing. In and out. In and out… Let your mind go empty.**
Reverse swan dive up, opening up the spine. Imagine that string pulling up on the top of your head.
And bend forward, walking those feet back into downward dog. (I know it looks like I’m topless, but I promise it’s just that the back of my shirt is flesh-colored!)
Return standing, then lunge forward into warrior one.
Now balance on that front foot. Keep your hips facing forward. Don’t forget to breathe!
Now we work on strengthening our glutes and abdominals with bridge.
If you can raise one leg. Good! Now hold…
Now back on one leg, reach back and hold one foot. Feel those quads! Don’t worry if you have trouble balancing–you’ll get the hang of it soon!
Move downward into plank (you can do kneeling plank if you prefer.)
Push up into cobra. Keep your neck nice and long.
Two more times. When you’re done, lie back down and–
Sigyn, aren’t you done yet? I’ve been waiting for you forever and you promised we’d go for a walk.
Fie! Too many spandex-clad, shushing people in here–I’ll meet you outside.
*I don’t know how she manages to be both stiff AND wobbly, but she does!
** The human female’s natural state–Loki