As I have said before, the mortals can usually be counted on to bring home things I will actually eat, so I don’t often bother to go shopping with them. Sometimes, though, I do tag along, if there’s something in particular I want to see make it into the basket. While the mortals are dithering over dull things like choosing toilet paper (Come on, people! Does it really make a difference? You’re going to wipe your arse, not print the works of Shakespeare on it!) I like to get in some good mischief-making. You know, switching canned goods –or children–between one cart and another, turning all the salsa jars label-side-in on the shelf, miss-aligning just one wheel on every cart, making sure the coupons on the back of people’s receipt are for things they never buy, and smearing sticky things on the basket handles.
When Sigyn tags along, we like to amuse ourselves by having little contests, such as:
- Who can get the most free samples from the cooking demo people? (I usually win this one, because Sigyn is too polite to ask for more than one.)
- Who can poke the live crawfish the most times before getting pinched?
- Who can find the most expired dairy product?
- Who can find the item that some shopper has picked up and then put down in the very wrongest place? (I once found a frozen halibut next to the strained peas on the infant product aisle and I won ALL the points.)
- Who can sing the best karaoke using a zucchini as a “mic”?
- Who can find the gargantuanest pear or apple?
Sigyn, what have you—