Month: April 2017

A Visit From the Eater Bunny, Part V: She Was Holding Out On Us

I thank whatever deities there may be (besides me, of course!) that all of the local weirdos have gone home.  Today is bound to be better, no matter what happens, just because of their absence.

Hold!  What is this?!  The human female has been holding out on us!  I am peeking at what she packed for “lunch” today and look what I find!

holding1

It’s the Eater Bunny’s secret motherlode!  I don’t know about you, but I think she’s terribly selfish not to share!

Look, Sigyn–fancy bird eggs!  What do you suppose would hatch from them?

holding2

Almonds.  Almonds would hatch from them?  Now, I’m no ornithologist, but I’m pretty sure that’s not natural.  @#$%! genetic engineering, mumble, mumble…

holding3

What  have you got, Sigyn?  Sour gummy bears?  How are those even remotely related to the Eater Bunny?

holding4

NO, Fisi!  BAD HYENA!  Drop it!

holding5

Oh, well, at least it’s the lime one.  They’re always the worst.

Sigyn is quite excited about these large gummy flowers.  Where were these when we were being flapped at by gigantonormous butterflies?  These would have drawn them off us entirely.

holding6

What the?  More livestock!  Who knew they even MADE jelly lambs?  I tell you, the minute Sigyn’s back is turned, it’s barbacoa time!  Lamb is just cabrito with a curly wig.

holding7

Bad Fisi!   Stop the drooling and growling right now!  You know better than to chase hoofstock!  No mutton stew for you!

holding8

Norns’ nighties!  There is more!   A fancy egg, some improbably-hued rabbits, and some basket-bound bantams.

holding9

And a simply huge puddle of sunny-side-upness left by a supposedly-housebroken bird of some sort.

holding10

Herald, is there something you’d like to share with the rest of the class?

>|: [

A Visit From the Eater Bunny, Part IV: Well, Hel, Let’s Just Get Everyone In On It

Guess the word got out that we’ve got candy, because the whole damn gang is here now.

“We do not have gummy rabbits in Wakanda.”

“There’s more sugar here than in my Sugar Dojo.”

muffytchalla

“Friend Steve, what flavor do you think this large butterfly is?”

“Dunno.  Think I should lick it and find out?”

bigbutterflies

“Ja, Remus.  Die karotte ist much gummi.”

arnold

तिमी मेरो ललिपप स्वाद गर्न चाहनुहुन्छ

yelp

“I don’t have my blaster with me, but if any of you chumps even thinks about nibbling on my buddy Groot, keep in mind I don’t need no blaster to stomp ya into hasenpfeffer.”

rocket

“I admire a man who doesn’t feel threatened by a pink bunny.”

“And that blue one matches your lovely outfit.”

cats

“You know, little dude, I could build you some armor so that no one would dare try to bite your ears off.  Interested?”

patthebunny

Lick it!  Lick it!  Lick it!  Lick it!”

benno

Benno is scared of butterflies.

I could have predicted that, I think.

Fisi, NO!

badfisi

>|: [

A Visit From the Eater Bunny, Part III: A Rescue No One Needed

It appears that Sigyn’s shrieks of delight have been mistaken for cries of alarm, because there is suddenly six-foot-six and multiple hundred pounds of too much brainless ersatz brother leaping to her “rescue.”

“Fear not, gentle Sigyn!  Mjolnir and I shall smite these flapping fiends and crush them into a colorful paste!”

thortotherescue

” ‘Sup, peeps?  Got a little trouble with some insects, I hear?  One good repulsor blast and they won’t bug you any more.  Bug you, get it?”

ironman

Now Sigyn is distressed and I’ve got TWO overzealous superheroes to contend with.  Go away, gentlemen.  Everything is fine here.

Seriously, go.  Go, and take a piglet or two with you.

ironman2

“Grr.  I heard there was trouble!  How can I help?”

herescap

“Hey, Thor, how far d’you think one of these goobers would stretch?”

“I do not know, Man of Iron.  But I think the maiden, Sigyn, would be much distressed if we tried to find out.”

“Look at those porkers!  They sure do love those carrots!”

pigsarecute

Do you see what I have to put up with?

igiveup

>|: [

 

A Visit From the Eater Bunny, Part II: This Is More Like It, Yet Somehow It’s Too Much.

Sigyn and I are examining the contents of some of the other candy packets.  These are much more like what I expected treats left by the Eater Bunny to be.

Sparkly, sour bunnies.  It was kind of the Eater Bunny to leave them in our favorite colors (more proof the human female shouldn’t have these!)

sourbunnies

I understand that the accepted custom is to commence noshing with the ears.   But doing so now would distress my beloved, so I will defer the carnage until later.  In the meantime, Sigyn has befriended the bunnies and insists we see to their needs.  It’s a good thing we have some candy carrots with which to do so!

bunniesneedcarrots

Idunn’s Little Apples!  This is one limp, wobbly carrot!  I am no botanist, but I believe the taproots of Daucus carota should not bend in such a fashion.

floppycarrot

Augh!  More bunnies!  A whole rainbow of rubbery, gummy lagomorphs!  They’re breeding like, well, rabbitsI am surrounded by twitchy noses.

gummyrabbits

I think perhaps I have been spending too much time with the human female, because I see this array and start thinking of genetics– the orange one appears to be a hybrid of the red and the yellow, while the greenish one presumably has yellow and blue heritage.  The purple one, presumably, has some form of melanism…

I have GOT to get out more…

Thor’s bitty ball-peen!  The carrots have attracted a humongous, floppy swine!

pig

Sigh.  Which, of course, Sigyn is now feeding with another of the rubber carrots.

pigsneedcarrots

And apparently it’s a female, because NOW THERE ARE PIGLETS!

piglets

This is getting entirely out of hand.

And now we are being visited by two gargantuan, gummy lepidopterans!  The flappy things are big enough to carry off my beloved, should they choose to do so.  Avaunt, foul flutterbyes!

butterflies

I will admit, I am more than a little creeped out by these oversized flappers, but Sigyn is just squealing with delight.

Oh, well.  At least she’s having fun.

>|: [

A Visit From the Eater Bunny, Part I: Quite The Stash

The humans spent an exhausting several days in the celebration of their annual pursuit of the Eater Bunny.  They came home from one of their long, churchy observances and fell straight into bed in an attempt to rectify the sleep deficit.  In their shambling grogginess, they overlooked the fact that they left a basket of goodies unattended.

basket1

I think the human male left this for the human female.  It’s bound to be just loaded  with goodies.  She’s always whining about her weight, though, so it would be a kindness to lessen the temptation of having all of it around.

Sigyn is definitely intrigued.  She and the human share similar taste in confectionery, the only difference being that Sigyn can actually eat chocolate.

basket2

Ooo!   Cookies!  These will be good with the strawberries and ice cream that I’ve seen stashed in the fridge.  The number of cookies is not stated on the package, nor the number of berries on the carton, so no one will notice if there are a few of both missing.

pizelle

No, Sigyn, sorry.  I don’t think they come with the marshmallow and melted chocolate already installed.  See that tiny writing?  “Serving suggestion”?  That is legalese for “don’t be stupid enough to think what’s in the package is going to look like the photo.”

Hmm.  This bag of candy doesn’t look very holiday-ish.  But I appreciate the tiny despot on the label!

lemons

These are supposed to be REALLY sour inside.   Sort of like the human female.

Let’s tip the basket over and see what else there is…

Odin’s eyepatch!  This is too much sugar for anyone.

candyhaul

Let’s eat it all.

Now wait just a calorie-infested minute!  This is another one of those sour gummy octopi heptopi!  It’s a stretchy, limb-deficient, multi-flavored, multi-hued cephalopod.

octopi

Really, humans?  No bunnies?  No ducklings?  Nary a peep of a Peep?

octopi2

Sigyn’s enthusiastic, but I’m not at all impressed.  I went to a lot of trouble to knock over that basket, and I want something festiveThere’d better be something good in some of those other packages, or I’m going to be very cranky.

>|: [

More Suspect Seasonal Decor

There is NO END IN sight.  If it can be tarted up for the upcoming holiday, there are decorations for it (whether they make sense or not.)

Want to make your cookies or cupcakes a little more festive?

Behold!  Sugar and dye, ready to hand.

eastertoys4

Because nothing says, “Happy Spring” like candy severed bunny heads.

Does your mantel or end table need a fake lagomorph covered in faux bryophytes?

If so, you’re in luck!

eastertoys3

Uh, Sigyn, you may not want to hug that thing.  I mean, I hope those are meant to be mossy topiaries, but what if they’re back stock of  unsold chocolate rabbits from last year?

Oh.  The label says “DEC POLYRESIN BUNNY.”  So, plastic.  Or is “DEC” short for “deceased”????

Moving on.

If you are on the hunt for something soft and cuddly, something to love and cherish, something that epitomizes all the whimsy and gentleness of the season,

there

is

always

that

rare and

adorable creature

known as the

unnamed

bunny sloth.

>|: [

Out on the Town, Trying to Pick Up Chicks

The local markets have been full of all the trippings and trappings of the annual Eater Bunny celebration for well over a month now.  Sigyn and the human female like to stop to squee over all the “cute” things.  I have tagged along on today’s shopping trip,  just to curb their enthusiasm and make sure that not too much junk follows them home.*

eastertoys2

Really, dearest?  You want four bright yellow fluffy fake fowlettes with seriously beady eyes?  I know you think they’re cute, but I simply cannot imagine anything sillier.

Except perhaps a six-pack…

eastertoys1

Or the pastel jobbies in the background.

>|: [

*It’s my personal theory that the inferior “chocolate” used in seasonal molded rabbits gives off fumes that make mortals susceptible to the lures of plush animals in colors not found in nature, misshapen marshmallow birds, shredded cellophane, stale jelly beans, dyed wicker, and blown-out eggs filled with confetti and malice.