Day: August 25, 2017

This Is Why The Human Female Never Can Have Nice Things

The human female listens to a LOT of music at work. Everything from silly children’s ditties to screechy things to odd Croatian covers of popular tunes. She says it makes her more productive.  Really, I think it’s just to drown out the voices in her head.

Her co-workers make her listen to her awful tunes with headphones, so none of the terrible stuff leaks out into the office.  Earphones are awkward enough, catching on her hair and earrings and tangling in her every endeavor.

For a while now, I have had a little project.  Every day, I pinch and poke at and stretch the little foamy muffly things that go over the plastic ear-bits.  I’ve been waiting to see how long it would take her to notice their progressive decrepitude.


She’s not terribly observant.

Last week, though, she FINALLY noticed all the bits of black foam confetti dotting her clothing and desk and set about finding either replacement muffs or new earphones entirely.   She looked in three different stores, but I’d been to all three ahead of her and seen to it that no one carries the earphones she likes.  For a while there, it really looked like she was going to have to live with bare plastic and little black snowflakes.

But curses!  The human male went online and ordered a whole package of earmuffins!


Clearly, this will call for immediate and sustained action on my part!

Today, I commence the    s  t  r  e  t  c  h  i  n  g.


Next will come the pulling, the poking, the pinching, the making of tiny little tears, and finally, the outright shredding.

It’ll be leaky music and black dandruff again before you know it!

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