All of this artifact-gazing, ink-testing, and produce-squeezing has given us a prodigious appetite. There’s a new place in town that the humans are eager to try out.
What, really? They are willing to shell out restaurant dollars for something they could make at home for about twelve cents?
This stuff had better be gold-plated. Or buried under truffles and hummingbird tears or something.
I vote we order this one for the human female, at whatever number turns the spicy level up to something requiring a fire extinguisher.
No, no! Wait. THESE! The ultimate fake-you-out food! They’ll serve her pretty little nuggets of fried goodness and when she bites them, BAM!!! The devil’s own sprouts, and I think spitting something out in restaurant is a fineable offense.
Won’t that be fun, Sigyn? Sigyn? What are you—?
I’m sorry sweetie. You shouldn’t have to see this.
Isn’t it sad to eat this octopus? Um, no, of course not! These balls are made with the Takoyaki octopus, a really slow, stupid, ugly cephalopod that is nowhere near as cuddly, photogenic, or intelligent as its cousins. They’re so dumb and hideous and full of self-loathing that you’re doing them a favor by eating them. They practically leap into fishermen’s boats, just begging to be eaten. Really! We can look it up when we get home.
Ah. The starters are here. The human male calls them “gyoza,” which is a Japanese acronym for “Get Your Own ThingZ Already.” As in, “I ordered these for Sigyn and me to share, so no, you can’t have one.”
Mmm. Nothing like a nice bowl of hot, noodly soup on a cold day. Look at that chicken–and the spinach! and the crispy-fried onions!
You know what we need to eat this? One of those spoons that have a straw built in, so we can slurp up all the delicious, delicious broth
Let’s see: messy, dangly, slurpy, and designed to give you onion-breath and something green in your teeth. The perfect first date food!
I get the feeling we’ll be back. Oh, the humans will doctor up the cheap-o, packaged noodle bricks they have in the pantry, trying to get it to taste this good, but they’ll never be able to make that stuff as tasty as this. Especially if all goes according to plan and I introduce some weevils to the pantry. . .