We have been following all the little Goobers for some time now. I’m tired. Sigyn must be exhausted.
We have come to the outskirts of the city–I recognize the crumbling green pavement.
The triple-eyed black fellow with the funny chef’s hat is new. A friend of Iggle-Nix’s, no doubt. Let’s hope the chef’s hat means sustenance is forthcoming!
Sigyn and I have eaten and drunk and bathed, and we feel properly ourselves now. We are being escorted somewhere. I hope it’s to the court. No one in this realm except the Great Goober himself has the power to send us home.
And here we are! There’s the great, green, beady-eyed Lord of the Misshapen himself, and I spy a few more familiar faces. Greetings, Your Gooberiness!
“oH, itz yu too agin! Wat ur yew doooin heer now?”
What?! The Goober has learned to speak coherently! Sigyn, did you understand him? I think I did!
O, Great Goober! We are once again strangers–nay, pilgrims!–in your land. We have traversed the Waste, braved the Forest of Prickly Trees, encountered Strange Beasts (and Beests), and come again unto your august hall.
“wElkum, travlerz! It duz me haert gud too sea oo agin. Er yu tow stil happly wed?”
Yes, yes we are. In fact, we have had an anniversary this week! Four years of purest wedded bliss. (Well, the human female’s a bit of a pain to have around, but Sigyn and I are very happy!)
“Eye tu haf marryed! Beeholdd! This iz me luvely wifyn, ye Queene Pusheen.”
(By Volstagg’s gargantu-girth! The cattish thing must outweigh the Great Goober at least two to one. But that giant s’more bodes well for refreshments later! But just to make sure, it is now time for some SSU—serious sucking-up.)
O, Great Goober and Fair Feline Queen, truly is this room grown great, graced by your splendid presence, added to my own natural refulgence and the light of Sigyn’s radiant visage!
And Lo! We come bearing costly gifts, because I know, O Goober, that you like sparklies.
The green gem complements your magnificence, and perchance your lovely consort would like the red one?
“Mhmm. Yesh. We thenk yow.”
Might you be willing to do us the favor of returning us to our home?
Sigyn, did you understand that? Me, neither. I hope it was the gooberish equivalent of “Absolutely! Love to. Let’s go now,” because as fine as these goobers and their monstrous monarchs are, I would really like to sleep in my own bed tonight…