Month: March 2018

Things Were Going Fine Until…

It is actually nice outside today—sunny and clear; cool but not cold; all the spring plants just starting to come into their own.  In short, a perfect day for a walk with my sweetie!

a nice walk

I love how the sun brings out the auburn in her hair.

Sleipnir’s fetlocks!  Is that who I think it is?

herecomeshulk

It is!  It’s my horrible sister-in-law Gunnehilde; my not-lost-long-enough, horribler half-sister Hela; and the horriblest big, green behemoth who assaulted my person at our last meeting in New York.   They do not look as if they have come for tea.  Don’t worry, Sigyn!  I’ll protect you!

nicewalk-closer

What do you three want?!  Sigyn, sit tight while I deal with these pestilent persons.

closer still

Uh, oh!  On second thought, RUN!!

runsigynrun

Sigyn would never forgive me if harmed her sister.  Instead, I’ll just teleport my beloved and myself to safety.

One… two…THREE!! 

*POW!*

>|: O

 

tbc…

Zooward, Ho!, Part VII: Afters

Well, I managed to put all the animals back together.

To be truthful, I did have a few bits and pieces left over.  Ears, mostly, along with a hoof or two, and something that might be part of a tail.  I think I’ll leave them in the human female’s sock drawer.  That ought to be good for a laugh, don’t you think?

Still I had no complaints from the animals, so all’s well that ends well.

Sigyn, assured that all her furry friends are safe and sound, and presented with a restorative strawberry slushie from the concessions stand, is feeling decidedly more cheerful.

afters-slushie

Our last stop today was the gift shop.  I purchased a guidebook to snakes of the world, and Sigyn has acquired a plush souvenir of the day’s activities.  Now we can have a nice stroll home, enjoying the sunset on the lake.

afters-giftshop

No, Sigyn, I won’t carry Peanuts.  If you’re going to beg for a stuffed animal bigger than you, you are going to get to lug it home all by yourself.

>|: [

Zooward, Ho!, Part VI: Making My Own Fun

Sigyn would live at the zoo if she could.  I, on the other hand, tend to reach the animal-saturation point about two hours in.  I can only look at so many fuzzy behinds and beady eyes before I start to get restless and bored.  (And if you’ve seen one hoof, you’ve seen them all, amiright?)   If we stay here much longer, I may start Doing Things, and that would probably not be good.

(later)

Must… hold… out.  Must… Behave…  Arrrgh!  No, I can’t help it!  I am beyond bored and I’ve got to do something or I’ll explode!  Time to have a little fun.

All right, Sigyn, you are about to see some zoo animals no one else ever has!

Behold!  I have improved the rhinoceros!

swap-rhino

Though I think my adjustments to the elephant may not be as successful.

swap-elephant

I hope you’re taking pictures!  See?  I made you a pigiraffe!  It has a cute little curly tail and everything!

swap-giraffe-pig

You must admit, the tiganda is a very handsome beast!

swap-tiger-panda

What?  You don’t like it?  That’s okay, I have other ideas.

The polargaroo will no longer be bothered by a squirmy baby in her pouch.  She’s also now adapted to both hot and cold environments!

swap-polaroo

The cowhorse looks quite content with my alterations.

swap-horseycow

Though the pigger seems a little bemused…

swap-pig-tiger

…and the ponyda more than a tad despondent.

swap-horse-panda

Perhaps he’s not happy with the new tricolor scheme.

Sigyn, I don’t know why you’re getting upset.  I’m making things better and more exciting!  How can you not love the snazzy panger and the dapper tigermoo?

swap-crazytigers

All right, all right– I’ll stop sticking heads on different bodies.

But I do have some loose ends (literally!) that I need to tidy up.

swap-giraffe-lion

What?  A giralion is a wonderful beast–it’s very quiet and extremely cheap to feed!

And the panpolo never makes a poopy mess in its cage.

swap-bearheads

Okay, okay, OKAY!  Great Frigga’s corset!  You’d think I was murdering the zoo’s inhabitants instead of updating them and adding new features.  I’ll stop mixing up the animal bits and start putting everyone back the boring way that they were.

Although I’m not sure how I’m going to get Baby away from his proud and doting new daddy…

swap-lion-roo

>|: [

Zooward, Ho!, Part V: Among the Slithery, Scaly, and Slimy Things

Grrr.  As if we haven’t had enough blechy weather this spring, it is starting to sprinkle AGAIN!  Sigyn and I have made a dash for the reptile house, which, though devoid of furry creatures, is at least indoors.

This is a beautifully designed facility, I must say. The background murals are quite effective.

I will admit a certain… fondness for snakes.  This handsome fellow is not nearly as good at cryptic coloring as he thinks he is.

reptile-snake1

But he color coordinates nicely with this poison arrow frog.

reptile-snake-frog

Usually poison arrow frogs are tiny, shy, and hard to see.  This supersized batrachian beauty, however, is downright eager to have his photo taken.

Sigyn wants to be friend with all of the animals, and it appears that they would all like to interact with her as well.

reptile-cobra2

Um, dear heart, I know you think that cobra’s being friendly, but that marking on his hood isn’t a smiley face.

This lizard is just hanging around–literally.

reptile-lizard

That prehensile tail is a handy appendage.  Hmm.  I might have to gift the felines at home with something similar.  It would help them be even BETTER climbers!

These two turtles seem quite amiable.  That’s a pretty small habitat, though.  I think it needs something.

reptile-turtle1

That wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

reptile-turtle2

Sigh.  Hang on, sweetie.  Loki’s coming.

Looks like the alligator is in the display tank today.  Smile, Sigyn, and I’ll take your photo!

reptile-alligator

On one condition—you are not allowed to go in swimming with him.

If my beloved makes it out of here in one piece, it’ll be a miracle.

>|: [

Zooward, Ho!, Part IV: Curiosities from the Antipodes

Sigyn is quite keen to visit the Australia exhibit and study some “cuddlies from Down Under,” as she puts it.

So now the high-pitched noise you hear is my beloved squeeing at the tiny baby joey this mother kangaroo is carrying.

australia-kangaroo1

She’s so excited that she’s forgotten that she has a camera and could capture this precious moment.

Wait…  Something’s going on!  The mother kangaroo is fishing in her pouch and…

australia-kangaroo2

She’s letting Sigyn hold her baby!  Sigyn will be talking about this for months!  I have picked up the dropped camera and now have a photo to prove it really happened. 

It was only with great difficulty that I was able to pry Sigyn from the previous exhibit.

Great Frigga’s corset!  Look, my love! It is quite unusual to see a koala eschew its accustomed arboreal habitat.

elephant-koala

It’s even rarer to find one that has evolved a removable nose!

elephant2

Sly little pachyderm!

elephant3

I think we’d best alert zoo staff that one of their African Savannah animals has gone walkabout…

>|: [

Zooward, Ho!, Part III: Da Bears

Not all of Midgard’s furry creatures are abundant or even common.  Panda bears, those reverse saddle shoes of the ursine world, are as rare as Thor’s clever ideas.

They’re also terribly shy.

panda1

Come on out, you four-footed Texas police cars.  My sweetie wants to take your photo.

That’s better.  Would it kill you to smile a little?

panda2

They all have the same oreofied coloration, don’t they?  However do the keepers tell them apart?

panda3

Oh.  I guess one has a bigger nose than the other.  But that’s really only useful if you see them side by side.  They’re still an awful lot alike.  Maybe that’s whey they’re critically endangered in the wild:  Every time one of the silly selectively pigmented critters sees another of its own kind, it thinks, “My, how handsome I am!  But why is China so full of mirrors?” and it develops only narcissistic feelings and no amorous intentions.

Come, Sigyn, let us leave the bicolored beasties to their own omphaloskepsis and move along to observe some large carnivores with even less melanin.

polarbear

Aw, that little cub is endearing, isn’t he?  I can see why you’d want to take him home and cuddle him.  But did you know that these things grow up to eat cars?

On second thought, let’s bring the little terror tyke home.  The human female is always saying she doesn’t much like her car.  I think I can help her out with that…

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