The human female is always complaining about the quantity and quality of junk email she receives. Subscribing her to various mailing lists is one of my chief joys.
Recently I learned that the Purveyor of Dead Things also sells a line of farm and livestock products, so I signed her up for all of those announcements. She tried to go to the website and update her mailing preferences, but one has to have an account with the PODT to do that. She doesn’t actually have one, believe it or not. She just gets mail from them because she hosts the Dead Cat Ballet and orders so much dead seafood paella every year. She wrote to them and said, “Please–only mail about educational materials!” That little missive has apparently gone unheeded.
So now she is getting daily mail like this:
N,o, no, no, NO, NO! The human female does not NEED any appetite boosters! She shovels away plenty already! The calm-but-not-groggy thing might be good, though. She sure is quick to fly off the handle ad slow to wake up in the morning.
I…guess? I think this may be pork-steering and pig-sticking products. I know that I prefer dealing with the human female from a distance. Having something to poke and jab at her from beyond arm’s-length could be very useful! And being able to stab her with needles from across the room would be AWESOME! Domestic pigs come pretty large, I hear, so I’m reasonably sure she would fit in the Heavy Duty Shorty Hog Holder. Very well—I am sold.
The human female is quite fond of earrings and has quite a collection. She might even welcome a pair or two of these, and it would certainly make it harder to lose her in a crowd! (I don’t care if she strays, but the human male would probably be sad if she wandered off or got herself rustled.)
Well, it is getting on to the warm part of the year… Bet they have one in her size.
Now… Where is the credit card?