Day: June 6, 2018

Loki Takes New York, Day 3: A Plethora of Beasties

The humans had every intention of visiting a big garden today.  I have quashed that, summoning up a cold, miserably persistent rain.  They have declared today a “museum” day instead.  Isn’t that what we did yesterday?  Augh.  So little imagination.

We are headed north on the subway, having finally figured out which train to take.  This, I have learned, is not always easily discernible.  Some trains, the “locals,” make all the stops on the line (or at least, the ones not currently being skipped due to construction, or maintenance, or the conductor’s whimsy.)  Other trains are called “express,” because when they fail to stop at the platform or skip a number of stops once en route, all the passengers hasten to express their frustrations in short words beginning with “f.”

The subway, in general, is noisy, stuffy, smelly, and in dire need of a good cleaning.  I don’t know how those stains got that far up the walls, and I don’t WANT to know.

Oh, goody.  Here’s our stop.

Wait!  There is more here than the standard, plug-ugly subway tile!

There is mosaic work!   There is some sort of curly-tailed creature perched upon the station identifier.


I don’t know what it is, but by the sound of Sigyn’s squeeing, she’s going to be asking for one before the day is out.

Ehehehehe!  There are all manner of beasts here, from this tiny giraffe-necked weevil thing…


…to a diving whale bent upon exploring what lies in the depths beneath the platform.


It’s actually an impressive art installation.  I think I have it figured out—the animals depicted in color represent living creatures, and the ones depicted only as gray silhouettes represent extinct species.  When I get to rule this measly planet, you can bet the mosquito is going to go gray-silhouette so fast it will make everyone’s head spin.  Count on it.

We are now inside the National Museum of Natural History.  As I have no objection to learning a bit more about the realm of which I’m to be god-emperor, by all means, let us proceed.

There are several fine dioramas.


This one, however, looks a bit too much like Jotunheim, so please, let us move on!

This establishment is known for its collection of giant lizard fossils, such as this fine, ferocious, fellow.


It’s so beautiful, it makes me want to sing!

“If you’re a T. rex and you know it, clap your… Oh. Sorry.”

Seriously, though.  Are we sure those puny arms went with that magnificent body?  Wouldn’t it make more sense that this exceedingly large pair of viciously-clawed arms, for which no corresponding body has ever been identified, be placed on the skeleton instead?


When the bone nerds figure out their mistake, I am going to laugh.

Fun fact:  There are no animal fossils in Asgard.  Bilgesnipe eat everything that dies naturally.  Any that dies unnaturally was probably hunted by Thor and his buddies and served at a feast.

We have now reached the hall of Ancient Mammals.  Oh, like the human female!

This one’s orthodontia is just a tad better than hers.


Sigyn is reading the sign, which pronounces it to be a Gomphotherium.  Look at that toothy grin.  Surely that should read, “Chompotherium.”  I shall make the necessary corrections.

Some of the displays are meant to be touched.


Sigyn, what is it with you that you always seem to end up in some skull’s nostrils?  It’s not a criticism, Precious; I’m genuinely puzzled.

Ah, now this is clever.


The museum has got just the skull of a whatever-this-is and has constructed a wire outline of the rest of the creature.

Hey, human female!  I think we found your great-, great- auntie!  (The familial resemblance, especially as to the nose and enormous butt, is quite striking!)

Oooh!  Sigyn, look up!!!  The museum staff have mounted a model of an enormous, sharp-jawed fish.


Too bad it’s been dead since the Silurian.  Most extinct animals I could take or leave, but something like this would be a perfect addition to the moat around my castle-to-be.  A few of those and some grease on the drawbridge, and I’d never have to worry about salesmen, prosletizers, or petitioners ever again!

Ooops!  One dinosaur left.  According to the signage, this is a new exhibit, something called a Titanosaur!  Posed slantwise, to take advantage of the long diagonal of the room, it still doesn’t fit!


Its peg-toothed head sticks out into the hallway!  It’s tiniest pinky toe is ten times the size of my Sigyn!


Well, it has been a most educating day.  The humans learned that yes, one can exit and re-enter the Museum if one wishes to eat lunch someplace other than the mu$eum’$ canteen.  They learned that it is possible to buy gyro sandwiches and hamburgers from a food cart, but that if it is raining, it can be difficult to eat while holding an umbrella, so going to eat just inside the subway station can get one out of the wet.  With my help, the human male learned that if you don’t want to lose three-quarters of your lamb onto the pavement, it is best to grip that gyro with two hands.  They both learned that the ready-to-heat-and-enjoy meals from the food market between the “home” subway station and the hotel can be a bit disappointing.  Silly human!  Did you really expect, if I were along, that your sesame noodles would actually taste like sesame?  And you!  Did you not know that vodka-tomato pasta sauce usually has a good shake or three of crushed red pepper?

And *I* learned a fun fact about this hotel, which I will show you tomorrow.

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