Month: July 2018

Good Things Come To Those Who Wait… And Wait

… and wait.

The Powers That Be have been promising the human female new door locks for some of the offices and prep rooms for years now.  Somehow, locks don’t figure very highly in their plans for limited funds, and they keep getting shoved to the bottom of the Departmental Honey-Do list.

Until now.

Three weeks ago, the good folks from Slow, Silent, and Costly came out and rigged up the prep rooms, the main office, and a few other doors with shiny new swipe-card locks.


Just look at that!  Sleek, black, and so highly technical.

So advanced!

So much better than the old ones!

So eagerly-anticipated!

So very not hooked up yet.


Supposedly they’re “Waiting on a part.”

Waiting on a part.

Four little words.  

With them, I can waste time.  I can waste money.

I can watch people standing in the hallway, swiping… and swiping… and swiping…

If human frustration were, say, cheetos, I’d be one happy orange mess.

>|: [

In Which I am Proved Right Once Again (Flashback Friday)

(A year or so ago:)  The church that the humans attend is planning to expand.  Actually, they are conjugating the verb “to expand.”   They expanded.  They will expand.  They will have been expanding…  Etc.

But let’s throw in the conditional voice:  They might have been expanding.  But they weren’t.  As in, they’ve been planning to do so for a couple of years now, but wranglements with the city have held things up.  False start after false start.

But upon my horned helmet, I think they are going to do it this time.  It is all announced and everything.  The end of the Activity Center is coming off and some new offices and stuff are going on.  But first, that north wall needs to come down.

I  have helpfully started things off.

hole in st marys

Wouldn’t it be funny if things got held up again and this hole just sat there for months and months and months…?

(Today:)  I was right.  It WAS funny!

But this time they swear that construction really is going to start!  Oh, well, I’ve had my laughs.  It’s been fun watching the argling and bargling between the city and the parish, but I can’t keep this up forever.  I’ll go ahead and quit throwing monkey wrenches into the proceedings.

But only because I’m going to be so amused at watching the human male’s parking space go away.

>|: [

It’s Going to be Hot Whether You Cook or Not

“It’s too hot to cook!”  That is the refrain to the Song of Summer in this part of Midgard.  With temperatures not only flirting with but downright engaging in intimate congress with triple digits*, no one wants to slave over a hot stove.  The restaurants are doing a thriving business, feeding weary customers who shamble in, noodle-limp, completely overcome by the heat and humidity of the three-minute walk from the parking lot.  Dine in or take away, as long as no one has to expend any effort.

Thus, Chinese take-out.  The humans are relieved, as now they can sit in the cool of the living room, in their comfy clothes, and shovel it all in.

But because I’ve read that denizens of hot countries should eat food rife with spice to induce cooling sweat, and because she forgot my shrimp with lobster sauce AGAIN, I’ve arranged a little Scovillicious surprise for the human female’s usually mild tofu-with-vegetables.



Those are just the peppers she found

>|: [



Might I Suggest a Purchase?

We are still out shopping.  And what would an afternoon of errands be without a trip to the local used book store?  One never knows what treasure awaits!

Like this.  I definitely think you should buy this book.  And read it.

buy this book

Take notes, mortals.  There’s going to be a quiz afterwards.

>|: [

A Loki of Independent Means Means Mischief

I successfully rescued Sigyn from the bowl of perfidious pomes, and we have continued our ramblings about the housewares department.  So far, I’m not finding anything too exciting, and—

Waaaaait a minute!  I spy, with my little eye, a nice array of pointy things!

Better yet, sharp pointy things!  Colorful sharp pointy things!  And look, Sigyn!  There’s one for each of us!  You can cut up real apples with yours, and I can cut up…other things… with mine!


Buy these, humans!

The humans are refusing, saying they already have a sufficiency of knives.

No, mortals, I think you do not understand.  These knives are leaving with us, one way or another.  Either you buy them, or they go out with you.

Lodged in between your T-4 and T-5 vertebrae.  The choice is yours.

Oh, fine.  Rude!  I will buy them myself.  I do have funds, you know.*  And we’ll just see if I ever let you borrow this fine green beauty for mangling mangoes or some such.  Yes, indeedy.

>|: [

*Because I know where you keep your wallet.


Sigyn Would Be Very Good at Hide-and Seek In Certain Circumstances

The humans are out running errands today.  Sigyn and I have tagged along, mostly because I am BORED.  A  BORED Loki is a DANGEROUS Loki…

We are currently in a big market that is famous for its red and white, archery-themed trade dress.  I am a fastidious shopper, but  Sigyn is predisposed to like everything about this place because RED.  

She is currently beside herself because we are in one of the housewaresy-kitcheny aisles and she has just discovered this large glass bowl full of shiny, red apples.


The human female is trying to explain to her that not only are they fake apples, they are fake Red Delicious apples, which is is heinousness squared.  A real black hole of bad appleness, if you will.  Beyond loathsome.

Sigyn is undeterred and has…

Oh, NO!  She’s fallen in!  Sigyn, are you all right?!   Where are you?! 

I can’t see her at all!   She is perfectly disguised among the shiny red apples with their little yellow highlights!


Nothing for it but to remove the apples one by one until I find her.

I can hear her giggling, so I think she is all right, just unable to climb out.

Hang on, sweetie!  Loki’s coming!

>|: O

Crawling Out of a Rut, Part III: I Might Actually Be Very Good At This

The humans and their friends have decided to play an after-dinner game.  What?  By Yggdrasil’s itty bitty root hairs!  Didn’t you people just have an entire GAMING WEEKEND?!  You want more games?  Whatever it is, it will no doubt be either twee or boring, and I probably won’t like it.


On the other hand…

Ehehehe!  Look!  This game even comes with a warning label.  This might be my cup of tea after all.


Blast!  I think my enjoyment will be substantially diminished by the arrival of Perfect Steve and his stupid hair and his stupid white horse.


Sigyn!  Get off that nag!  You don’t know where it’s been!

Sigh.  Looks like Captain Spanglepants is going to be my adversary in this game.  Let’s see.  What is the object, again?


Ah, yes.  To become governor AND amass $50,000 dollars.  Pffft! I can do that.


Especially since they can’t make the charges stick.

Other cards announce the acquisition of kickbacks and bribes in varying amounts.  Or else send one up or down a level on the influence scale.  Right now, we are all hovering somewhere around “dog-catcher.”  We will have to rise considerably to even get on a committee.


We have been playing forever, and no one has attained any rank beyond local councilman.  We all keep getting sent back down levels and having to shell out for bribes.

Of course, it doesn’t help that Fisi has gotten involved.


Mostly by eating the cards.

Barboni’s cafe–what an AWFUL place!  Every time I go there, I end up having to pay someone or give up a lucrative position.


Good Fisi!  Good hyena!  Chew up Barboni’s cafe!  There’s an extra biscuit in it for you if you can shut it down entirely!


And a dozen pork chops if you widdle on Cap as you go ’round…

>|: [

Crawling Out of a Rut, Part II: A Coiffure Worthy of My Magnificence

The human male’s friend’s significant other has dressed her hair in a most resplendent way.  Behold, the finest hair ornament this side of Asgard:


Is it not perfect?

Great Frigga’s hairpins!  Now that I look at it, I do believe that that representation of my helmet would be just about…


It looks like…

Would it?

Only one way to find out…


Why, yes.  Yes, it does.

>|: [