Month: July 2018

Sigyn Would Be Very Good at Hide-and Seek In Certain Circumstances

The humans are out running errands today.  Sigyn and I have tagged along, mostly because I am BORED.  A  BORED Loki is a DANGEROUS Loki…

We are currently in a big market that is famous for its red and white, archery-themed trade dress.  I am a fastidious shopper, but  Sigyn is predisposed to like everything about this place because RED.  

She is currently beside herself because we are in one of the housewaresy-kitcheny aisles and she has just discovered this large glass bowl full of shiny, red apples.

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The human female is trying to explain to her that not only are they fake apples, they are fake Red Delicious apples, which is is heinousness squared.  A real black hole of bad appleness, if you will.  Beyond loathsome.

Sigyn is undeterred and has…

Oh, NO!  She’s fallen in!  Sigyn, are you all right?!   Where are you?! 

I can’t see her at all!   She is perfectly disguised among the shiny red apples with their little yellow highlights!

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Nothing for it but to remove the apples one by one until I find her.

I can hear her giggling, so I think she is all right, just unable to climb out.

Hang on, sweetie!  Loki’s coming!

>|: O

Crawling Out of a Rut, Part III: I Might Actually Be Very Good At This

The humans and their friends have decided to play an after-dinner game.  What?  By Yggdrasil’s itty bitty root hairs!  Didn’t you people just have an entire GAMING WEEKEND?!  You want more games?  Whatever it is, it will no doubt be either twee or boring, and I probably won’t like it.

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On the other hand…

Ehehehe!  Look!  This game even comes with a warning label.  This might be my cup of tea after all.

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Blast!  I think my enjoyment will be substantially diminished by the arrival of Perfect Steve and his stupid hair and his stupid white horse.

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Sigyn!  Get off that nag!  You don’t know where it’s been!

Sigh.  Looks like Captain Spanglepants is going to be my adversary in this game.  Let’s see.  What is the object, again?

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Ah, yes.  To become governor AND amass $50,000 dollars.  Pffft! I can do that.

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Especially since they can’t make the charges stick.

Other cards announce the acquisition of kickbacks and bribes in varying amounts.  Or else send one up or down a level on the influence scale.  Right now, we are all hovering somewhere around “dog-catcher.”  We will have to rise considerably to even get on a committee.

(later)

We have been playing forever, and no one has attained any rank beyond local councilman.  We all keep getting sent back down levels and having to shell out for bribes.

Of course, it doesn’t help that Fisi has gotten involved.

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Mostly by eating the cards.

Barboni’s cafe–what an AWFUL place!  Every time I go there, I end up having to pay someone or give up a lucrative position.

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Good Fisi!  Good hyena!  Chew up Barboni’s cafe!  There’s an extra biscuit in it for you if you can shut it down entirely!

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And a dozen pork chops if you widdle on Cap as you go ’round…

>|: [

Crawling Out of a Rut, Part II: A Coiffure Worthy of My Magnificence

The human male’s friend’s significant other has dressed her hair in a most resplendent way.  Behold, the finest hair ornament this side of Asgard:

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Is it not perfect?

Great Frigga’s hairpins!  Now that I look at it, I do believe that that representation of my helmet would be just about…

Maybe?

It looks like…

Would it?

Only one way to find out…

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Why, yes.  Yes, it does.

>|: [

Crawling Out of a Rut, Part I: Dinner in the Offing

The humans have been invited to dine at the home of one of their friends (who is also one of the human male’s coworkers–small world.)  I and my Sigynificant Other have been invited as well.  Fisi is also tagging along.  That dratted hyena has become unruly of late, so we are working hard on socialization.  Plus, if dinner conversation lags, that animal can be counted upon to do something awful and comment-worthy.

This friend and his significant other are going to be doing the cooking. I wonder what they’re making?  Actually, I don’t care what’s on the menu.  Any change from the fare the human female comes up with is sure to be delightful.  She’s not so bad at cookies, but she says that in hot weather her “cooking mojo” disappears.  Huh.  I’m not sure what a “mojo” is, but anything missing in this house is probably under the sofa with the crinkle balls and catnip mice.  But I digress.

The humans have helpfully brought along a long loaf of bread.  The female didn’t make it, so it’s probably all right.

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The friend proposes to spread the bread with butter and herbs and bake it.

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Fisi!  I know what you are thinking, and NO, you cannot eat butter right out of the tub!  If you behave, perhaps the friend will let you lick the knife.

The humans have also brought along some hard cider in most intriguing shade of pink.

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Sigyn, who is fond of apples and the color red,  says this is close enough to both to be “wonderful.”  She’s in swoony love with it and the bottle’s not even open yet.

(sip) Fortunately, also tastes pretty good.

The meal is commencing with a salad.  Fisi has apparently mistaken the red, moist tomatoes for raw wildebeeste flesh…

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Here comes the main course.  Hmm.  This is odd…  I am having a bout of what mortals call “Déjà vu.”  I could swear I have eaten this, in this place, before.

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Oh.  Wait. Riiiight.  That’s because I have eaten this, here, before.  As I recall, it was quite tasty.  Dig in, Sigyn!  And don’t let Fisi hog all the sausagey bits.

>|: [

Sigyn Making Brassicaceous Friends

Recently the human female, for reasons passing understanding, decided that radishes would make an interesting and low-calorie snack food.  As if anyone has ever bought and eaten radishes on purpose.

Sigyn is being helpful and slicing some up.

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They are destined for the lunchbox.  Or maybe the salad.  I can’t be bothered to keep track of the human female’s gluttonies.

Great Frigga’s Corset!  This particular rootlet appears to have more than the average amount of personality!

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Sigyn has made friends, and somehow I do not think it is going into anyone’s lunch…

>|: [

Floral Carnage

Every year, I see to it that the wild sunflowers spring up all over the humans’ property.

The human female likes them because they bring the birds and squirrels to munch on the seeds.

Sigyn likes them because they are bright and, well, sunny.

I like them because they get ratty-looking pretty quickly as the season progresses, and they make the neighbors shake their head at the general unkemptitude of the yard.  Also, I always make sure that the plants (which are a human female-and-a-half high) grow right up against the driveway.  The human female has to fight them back just to get into her car, and half the time she gets covered in pollen and sticky sap into the bargain.

Seriously, they do crowd.

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>|: [

Aaauugghhh! He’s everywhere!

The human female is out at the big metal building all full of dead plants again.  Recently, she’s been going through the cabinet full of “historical specimens.”  These are the superannuated sheets, all collected before 1880.

Largely, these specimens area already in the database, but if they’re not, she’s having to make entries for them: Family, genus, specific epithet, locality, date, collector, etc.   All of these old labels are hand-written, and deciphering the poor penmanship can take just as long as typing it all in.

This is the label for what appears to be the oldest specimen in the collection.

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Look at that!  Do you see how some of S’s are written like F’s?  This sheet is databased as having been collected in “Valois, France.”  But was it really?

Great Frigga’s corset!  The human female with a mystery to solve is like a terrier with a pork chop bone.  She’s hitting the internet, doing some research and availing herself of  an online translating app.

(later) She thinks she’s figured it out.   The plant was collected by Jacques Gay.  It is Festuca valesiaca Gaudin.  The rest of the label says, “April, 1805.  It is common nearly all over Valais.  We have found it near Zermatt in 1809.  It grows also in Lausanne, in the territory of St. Sulpice (1809).”  So it’s from the canton of Valais, Switzerland, not France!  This makes sense, since ol’ Jaques was Swiss.

Math time!  If it took her half an hour to figure all of that out and there are hundreds of plants in this cabinet, what is the likelihood of my getting home to my beloved Sigyn some time this decade?

When I come to rule this realm, there will be just one country, with MY name on it, which will save so much trouble.

Next up:  this scrawny grass specimen.

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There’s not as much writing on this one, and part of the information is printed, so perhaps it won’t take so long.

Let’s see…  Aristida ramosissima Engelmann.   That was easy.   “Leg.” is short for the Latin for “collected by,” so George Vasey was the collector, some time in 1862.  And where’s it from?

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Aaauugghhh!  Seriously?  Some idiot named a Midgardian town after my horrible father?!  Everywhere I go, it’s my stupid family.  If it isn’t someone’s ridiculous visage, it’s their loathsome name.  Am I to be allowed no peace?

That’s it, female.   You are done for the evening.  Take me home.

>|: [

P. S.   Valais is famous for these creatures.  I think I know what Sigyn is getting for her next birthday.