Lest my loyal readers think I’ve been doing nothing but swanning about gaming conventions and rescuing Sigyn from the odd bit of macabre glassware, I present for your delight a compendium of my latest exploits.
While the human male and I were up at the gaming con, the human female was on her own. I made sure that every morning she was driving in to campus, there was a wreck on the way, slowing her down and making her late. One day I actually blocked the entrance to campus! I do some of my best work with traffic cones and vehicles with blinky lights. A couple of days, I parked a big pickup in the lane she needed to be in to reach her parking spot. Love pickups.
To make the human female’s work life a little more surreal and the job of her Prep Staff more difficult, suborned one of the undergraduates. Together, he and I dismantled the human torso model in one of the lab rooms and hid the various body parts all around the lab room. It made for a very visceral treasure hunt!
Then there was the week the students were
playing with working with DNA. Prep staff always has the very expensive reagents measured down to the microliter. Someone spilled a whole tube of DNA ladder (a mix of DNA bits of known sizes), and two groups added ladder to every single sample, instead of just loading one lane of it in the electrophoresis gel they were running. Cue the human female doing a mad scramble to order more over the phone with a credit card.
It’s not just the undergrads I’ve warped to my service. I nudged one of the Lab Instructors, and she accidentally sent a copy of the lab final to every student in one of her sections. Since what she sent was the base exam for a whole group of TAs, all those TAs had to write completely different exams. This same LI also (thanks to my meddling) left her thumb drive in the computing lab.
Another TA decided to change the due date on a homework assignment. This is strictly forbidden, as there’s a master calendar.
Another decided to ignore the rules about food in the lab and bring cookies for his class. Admonished, he removed them. And put them back later. Honestly! Grad students are so suggestible!
And yet another decided to let the students into the lab final one at a time. It took him about forty minutes to get them all started on the twenty-five station exam.
And yet another TA lost a whole set of ungraded homework papers and a set of ungraded quizzes. Cue a big tizzy over what to do. The human female thought someone on Prep Staff found them, and told everyone the good news. Unfortunately, what was found was four *other* sets of papers this TA had left in the Prep Staff office, so she had to untell everyone the good news. The human female got chewed out for speaking too soon and muddying the situation. Isn’t it funny how I can always work it round to her disadvantage, even when it’s not her fault?
Honestly, I’m finding TAs to be some of my best minions!
The human female ordered some pond weed that was urgently needed for a lab. The Purveyor of Squiggly Things obligingly sent it on a Monday for arrival on Tuesday. Then Fed-up and Exhausted, for reasons that were never explained, held onto the package in Memphis, Tennessee for twenty-four hours, so that it arrived on Wednesday, cold-damaged and kind of sad looking. Salvageable, but too late to be useful for the lab.
Of course, I can’t leave the other vendors out of the mix. I don’t always have time to think up new tricks, but the old ones are still good. I sent the invoice for the human female’s latest order from the Vendor Who’s Responsible to Qatar in the Persian Gulf again, and then I made sure an invoice from another vendor, one that wasn’t hers and didn’t have her name on it showed up in her mailbox with “Please pay this PAST DUE BILL NOW” all over it. She spends half her time trying to tell vendors where invoices really ought to go.
One of the lab rooms has been too cold–about ten degrees colder than the other labs and the hallway. *I* think it feels good in there, but humans are wimps, so the human female filed a work order. Come to find out, some worker from Slow Silent and Costly, on some prior visit, had removed the valve that lets hot water for the climate control system into the room. Not closed it. Removed it. Possibly because it was leaking. No one’s sure. Now someone else has to come out and put it back.
I took the Biology Image Library down one day, so all of the students trying to study were met with a giant Error 404. It’s an old program, and the underlying software, I think, is scratched onto rough stones in primitive runes. The human male will be lucky if he can keep it running.
In the meantime, the University has decreed that all users have to have dual-factor authentication if they are logging in from off-campus. They keep changing the adoption date, too, moving it up and up. People are scrambling to get the software on their phones and such. The human female’s phone wouldn’t take the software (thanks to a little jiggery pokery from Yours Truly), so she had to go over to a hidden room in an unmarked building and purchase a little doodad that generates a log-in code at the push of a button. So far, she hasn’t lost it, but it’s only a matter of time…
Computers are such fun to mess with. I arranged a campus-wide cascade of computing, web, and email outages one day, starting with an equipment failure in the main computing center. The systems were supposed to be multiply redundant so that if some bit failed, things would still keep going. If you have all the systems in the same building, though… Hey–they should thank me! It was a good exercise in disaster recovery.
That caused such merry chaos that I’ve had random email outages and slow downs once a week or so since then, just to keep things interesting.
I’ve kept it rainy. 4.75″ just the other day. The human female has given up trying to mow.
The human female had to get new glasses, just for a slight prescription change in one eye. Would they let her get just one new lens? They would not! Because of her frames, it was all or nothing. She wanted to get frames just like the ones she had. Ehehehe! Of course they don’t make them anymore! She had to settle, which is always demoralizing for her and fun for me.
She bought a box of her favorite orange cookies, Mexican polvorones. When she opened them, she found them smashed to crumbs. I think she needs to look up the definition of “polvo” and not whine so much. And that old quip about broken cookies having no calories? Yeah, not true. You should see the size of her!
Then there’s all the stress of Yule preparations, but that’s a tale for another time…