Look at this. It was a lovely, long bit of mischief.
Looks like a regular, boring, institutional door, doesn’t it? But it’s one of my greatest pranks! Would you like to guess when I put it into motion?
I shall tell you.
Last July thirty-first.
Last summer, a new Lecturer joined the four who have their offices off of a shared lobby across the hall from the human female. The only problem was that her shoebox of an office had a door that opened into the hallway, not the lobby. A work order was submitted to Slow, Silent, and Costly on 7/31/2018.
In due time two fellows came out (remember, they always travel in pairs), took a look at the blank wall, tapped some sheetrock, sucked a little air through their front teeth, and told all assembled that it was going to Take Some Time, as there was a hitherto unknown Door Shortage. Yep, they reckoned as how it was going to take six weeks just to get a door, what with all the construction locally and what not. Besides, the the fall semester was due to start sooner than six weeks, no one really wanted wall-sawing noise going on with classes in session, did they? Best wait until the break between semesters, right?
Fast forward to the first day of classes this semester. It was Door Day! Three workmen came out to Install the Door.
They were here all day.
They rummaged all over the hallway ceiling looking for wires.
They cut a small hole in the sheetrock, because they’d have to move an outlet:
Then they cut a door-sized hole in the drywall from Not-so-new Lecturer’s office into the lobby:
But what was that up there? What was that hangy-downy bit?
They didn’t! They did!
They didn’t know what that cable was for so they just sliced it. Depriving Not-so-new Lecturer, an Additional Lecturer, and all of Prep Staff of phone service. Oopsie!
The rest of the story is best outlined against a calendar. This is where the human female became involved. Largely because she was a) handy and b) in possession of a working telephone.
1/14 A work order is put in with Slow Silent and Costly because, “Look what your guys did!”
1/14 SSC replies. “Phone service is Telecommunications, which is part of IT. Call Helpdesk Central.”
1/14. The human female initiates a work order with IT. And of course, it’s a different work order from the one she filed with SSC.
1/15 She calls IT, since she hasn’t heard anything, and asks them to send her a copy of the work order form. “We’ll email it,” they say. They do so. Twice. It didn’t show up.
1/15. Ms. L. from IT calls back. “If you file the work order, Biology will be charged for it. You need to call Slow Silent and Costly back and get an account number from them, so they will pay.”
1/15. She calls SSC. SSC agrees that maybe they should pay for it and asks for the original work order number. From last July. Great Frigga’s Corset! Who has that?! SSC says she should call Trades, which was the SSC group that had the work order.
1/15. The human female calls Mr. W. in Trades and leaves a message.
1/15. She finds two copies of the IT work order where I’d helpfully left them. In her junk mail. They’re useless now, of course.
1/16 The human female calls Mr. W. again, makes contact, and gives him Ms. L.’s number and tells them to sort it out between them.
1/18 IT/Telecomm does come out and fix the phone line. There are hopes that SSC will come out and put the thrice-blasted door in. Perhaps over the weekend?
1/20-1/27 Nothing… The gaping hole remains in Not-so-new Lecturer’s wall.
1/28 The door, as pictured above, is finally in place. Why did it take so long? No one from IT bothered to tell SSC that the phone work was done.
One hundred and eighty-two days. 49.86% of a non-leap year. Roughly as long as it takes to gestate a baboon.
Somehow that seems fitting.