Mischief Update: Turning It Up to Eleven, Part II

The chronicle of Mischief continue!

Computing on campus continues to be fun. Anyone logging in to do anything with HR, Workdon’t, purchasing, the library, etc., etc., is now required to have dual-factor authentication.  (Must make sure the peons are who they say they are.) I arranged the tutorial website to not match the actual Duo interface, which was good for more than a few giggles.  The human female had to buy a little dongle-thingy to generate a Duo passcode, since her phone is a bit of a dinosaur.  The various websites are supposed to remember the code for sixty days, but for some reason, it never does. I wonder why?

I had a little fun at the human male’s expense as well.  Two computers kept throwing error messages saying that they couldn’t connect due to “trust issues.” After a not insignificant amount of sleuthing, he determined that two computers had the same “name” as far as the network was concerned.  That took a while to clear up.

Right after Spring Break, one of the human female’s Tech Is quit with no notice.  She got to experience all the fun of hiring someone through Workdon’t, including processing applications from someone who no doubt is a very nice individual but whose Psychology degree and many years of employment in the lawn care industry didn’t precisely fit him for the job.  Another applicant had one name at the top of her letter of intent and a different one at the bottom. One gave no address on the resume.  The top candidate took another job before she could be brought in for an interview, and two others declined to come for interviews, but the human female finally was able to hire someone who promises to be an asset to the team. The girl studies maggots on corpses, which makes me think she and I might have some shared interests…

Prep Staff found a wrapped string-cheese stick in a bag of stick-on electrodes. It expired last May.  Don’t look at me.  Well, okay, do look at me.  I put a student up to it last spring, but I certainly don’t eat those things myself.

The Teaching Assistants were my able helpers this semester too.  One of them gave out half the answers for the large Animal Diversity assignment to her students, and the only way to make things even for everyone in the other 83 sections was to give all of them the info too. Of course, part of the original info dump consisted of erroneous info, so that was a nice contribution to the muddle.

April ushered in the dreaded Annual Employee Evaluation period. This is announced a million times and is supposed to last until the end of May, although everyone got the email that This Extremely Important Thing is Due–and the due date is given as two days from then. Then everyone spends the whole two months with the fool thing Overdue! People shouldn’t complain, though, because Workdon’t helpfully guides supervisors through the process.  Each successive evaluation category won’t load, though, without hitting the next button, which loads then next page, and then hitting the “back” button to get back to the previous item.  It won’t let the human female see her supervisees’ self-evaluations, though, which leads to some flying blind.  I’ve told the human female to just flunk all her employees and let the higher-ups sort it out.

HR is just always fun.  The human female missed a call from them one day when she was home sick. When she returned the call the next day, the person who’d called was quite unable to remember what she’d called about.  The new employee?  Nope.  Information about increasing contributions to the humans’ retirement accounts?  Nope, not that either.  No one has called back, so I suppose it wasn’t important—or WAS it??

Someone wrenched the doorknob off the door between room 305 and room 309.

Speaking of good old room 305…  Earlier this year, the human female and her staff had to move out of there because Anatomy and Physiology had to move in because the second floor (where A&P was) was going to be renovated.  Well, what with one thing and another (read: Loki), this did not happen, but A&P had the third-floor room all semester anyway.  Now they have to move out again, because no one let the registrar know about the shell game and the room’s been assigned to Biology again for the fall.  Renovations will *finally* start in January, so they’ll be back upstairs again. Quit whining, humans!  Moving microscopes and models and skeletons and dead cats and spectrophotometers gives you muscles.  I just saved all of you a fortune in gym memberships.

Someone stole the human male’s credit card number and started buying things in a different state.  He got it cleared up quickly, but it raises an important question:  Who would want to be him???

Someone called the human female, a botanist, and asked her how to get rid of toads in his pond, since they were keeping him up all night and he needed his sleep after having surgery and… The human female always wonders how these random callers manage to find her.  Duh!

Health-wise, the humans are plodding along. The human female has been trying for months to get the second half of her shingles vaccine.  I’ve been hindering the production of same, so that humans everywhere are wait-listed.  I’m also working on developing my own vaccine, and when it’s ready, I’m going to make millions.  Anyway, she called the clinic ahead of time to see if they had any and was told they had six doses and if she came first thing on Shot Giving Day, she’d get one. On the day, I delayed her and delayed her with Workdon’t shenanigans so that she missed the morning hours (only realizing she’d done so when she was already in the car.) She tried again in the afternoon, only to be told there was no dose available.  The kind lady at the check-in went to look and managed to find one dose. When the human female got back to the exam room, she was told they were all out.  Then that person went to double, triple check and managed to find a single vial.  The human female took it gladly–and then spent the next 48 hours feeling as if she had been beaten half to death.  Can’t have her feeling lucky or smug, now can I?

And then there’s the weather.  My idiot brother Thor may be the god of thunder, but I do have the ability to nudge storms about, with an eye to inconveniencing the human female, with an ever-increasing degree of precision.  I allowed only five sunny days in February, and since then, there have been severe weather outbreaks on a fairly regular basis.  I managed to steer a tornado within just a mile or so of the campus, and all the humans got to hunker in various windowless classrooms and hallways.  On another occasion, the human female was out at the herbarium all by herself when the tornado warning was issued.  The herbarium is in a big metal building, the sort tornadoes like to demolish most, so she climbed inside an empty, unplugged chest freezer and hunkered there for a while.  As Odin is my witness, I wish I had a photo of that!  It was never my intention to harm the human female or the house, just interrupt her day and make the phones go off with weather alerts every ten minutes for days at a time.

It has rained so much and so often that the human female was unable to mow what passes for a lawn for over a month.  By the time I finally let her, it was long enough to want a scythe and not a mower.  Results=not winning any awards. Especially since she has been slaloming around 1) little oak seedlings she wants to save, and b) presents left by the next-door neighbor’s dog. Truly, the lawn looks like it has mange.

She’s especially nervous in bad weather now, because one of the big oaks in the back yard failed to leaf out this year. It’s reeeeally close to the house, so it needs to come down in a controlled manner before a storm brings it crashing down on the roof.  She’s been calling around, trying to find someone to do the job.  The outfit that did such a good job with the last big tree removal project seems to have gone out of business. We’ll see if she can find anyone to do the job without charging an arm and a leg.

She doesn’t have an arm or a leg to spare, but she might be willing to give up a foot.  I’ve been treading on her toes again, and her trotters are giving her misery again.  Unless she comes up with a miracle in the next week or so, I’ll have successfully derailed vacation plans for the year.  Shut up your whining, you/1  I’m saving you money and keeping you from a) eating a lot of fattening foreign food, b) contributing to global warming with airplane exhaust, and c) boring all of your friends and acquaintances to death with innumerable photos and poorly-written travelogues.  “But!” I hear you say, “Don’t you and Sigyn enjoy going on vacation with the humans?”  On vacation, yes.  With the humans? Not so much. And remember: Magic-user here. Sigyn and I can go wherever we want, whenever it’s convenient. And since temperatures are flirting with 90° F, that may be sooner rather than later. I think I hear the icy fjords calling.

Well, there you have it.  Several weeks’ worth of finely-crafted mischief. I really do think this merits an 11!

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