After so long without any mischief directed specifically at the human female, I feel I should resume my campaign in earnest. Fortunately, I’ve arranged for her something which all mortals dread.
A Letter from The Government. (DUN dun dunnnnn!)
Oh, and it is not just any letter! Not “Please donate to this federal campaign to fight for this particular cause.” Not “Congratulations! You owe more taxes!” Not even “You’ve been subpoenaed to testify before a Joint Session of Congress.”
No. I’ve arranged something a little more terrifying.
Ehehehehehe! Human female, you should see the look on your face! Swallows will come to nest in that open mouth!
I know what you’re thinking: Maybe there are steps you can take to protect your identity? Surely there’s some help available! Surely there’s someone you can call…