Day: September 13, 2019

Ehehehe! A Valuable New Ally in the War Against the Human Female

Last month, when the human female’s department finally coughed up some funds, she ordered a large, bench-top centrifuge to replace one that was first used to spin samples from creeping things back in the Ordovician.  The new one will be very nice.  It’ll take 24 samples and fling them about at an astonishing 4,000 rpm.  (Needless to say, at that speed, I will NOT be using it as my own personal theme-park ride.  That kind of rotation will do a number even on MY godly tummy.)

Yes, by my pointy helmet, it will be a fine bit of apparatus— if it ever comes. It didn’t come and it didn’t come.  The human female looked on the order acknowledgment, where it said, “Contact customer support for tracking info.”  So she did.  She was told that the freighting was being handled by some shipping company whose name means “Folks Who Make Things Happen Faster and More Smoothly.” (New friends of mine.)

Now she has plugged the tracking number into the website for FWMTHF&MS, she got this:


Norns’ nighties!  Did you ever see such a strange timeline?  It departed before the estimated time of departure!  Unfortunately for the human female, however, the fool thing is stuck in the Big City to the South.  So she’s calling  FWMTHF&MS to see what the hold up is.

Ehehehe!  FWMTHF&MS  is telling her that they have handed off delivery of her goods to another carrier, YRC.   And no, they don’t have a tracking number for that.

This just keeps getting better!  And now she’s calling YRC.  These fine folks disavow all knowledge of the shipment.   No, so sorry, no shipment for the University since blah, blah, blah.  Apparently YRC is short for, “Yeah, right. Ciao.”

Human female, if your face changes color any more, you will need to re-do your wardrobe.

So now she’s on the phone the account representative with the original vendor.  Let’s call them Usually More Reliable Than the Vendor Who’s Responsible.  The poor fellow!  He has to deal with screwy shipping AND the human female.   He says he will get to the bottom of this and call her back.  Likely, he is handing in his resignation and taking steps to emigrate…

(Later)  No news.

(Later)  More no news.  It’s a new week now!

(Later again.) The account representative has talked to FWMTHF&MS–which I suspect is going to be shortened even further to F-TH&S.  According to F-TH&S, the centrifuge, which has now enjoyed a whole week in the Big City to the South, weighs too much for them, and it has been deemed “out of network” for them.  They say they are going to have to subcontract the delivery out to someone else.  Now, to be fair, it does weigh 174 lbs, plus packaging, but the account rep says that F-TH&S routinely ships large items like big ultra-cold freezers up here all the time.

So what’s the hold-up?

What Who do you think?  Eheheheheh…  Stay tuned.

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