Month: September 2019

A Different Sort of Weapon for My Arsenal

Do you remember all the fun I had with the human female and her Prep Staff and the pesky respirometers that arrived broken and that wouldn’t work?  Well, the semester has rolled around to that lab again, and I decided I wasn’t done making lives miserable and bringing shame upon Lower Division Biology.  (When things don’t work, complaints find their way up to the highest levels of admin and the repercussions flow downhill to the human female and her crew.)

Since the last time these apparatuses were used, the Prep Staff has been hard at work trying to find a replacement for the glass bean tubes that break and the rubber stoppers that won’t stay in.  They’ve settled on poking a hole in a screw-top centrifuge tube and using that.  The hole has to be sealed up, though, or the thing won’t work.  Today they’re working on that problem  And since I hear that the solution involves a “gun,” I demand to be involved!

This is the gun.

hotgluegun

I’m not so sure how great a weapon this is.  It appears to run on electricity and requires to be plugged in, which would severely limit its usefulness in battle.  What sort of projectiles does it fire?

Sleipnir’s snot-balls!  It doesn’t actually fire anything!  Instead, it produces a stream of molten goo which is very, very sticky.  It dries and cools to something rigid, though.

(poke, poke, poke) Perhaps one is meant to adhere one’s enemies to one spot–and then dispatch them by some other means.

hotgluegun2

I must say I’m not impressed, and as a Frost Giant, I view anything that works with heat with more than bit of trepidation.

And then there’s the little matter of the stretchy, clingy, stringy THINGIES it leaves everywhere…

hotgluegunstrings

Nope.  Not impressed at all.  Although I think I could probably have fun decorating the human female’s work space with this stuff.  She’s certainly making enough of it, putting huge dollops of the goopy stuff on the inside and outside of the respirometer lids.

Ewww!  Ouch!  I think I’ve discovered what this weapon is good for.

hotglueblister1

And there’s a second nice blister on her other forefinger.

I take it back.  I LOVE this thing!

>|: [

 

I Do Love a Good Mystery Box

Mysterious parcels are the norm around here.  I mean, even when the human female orders something, there’s always the suspense of When is it going to come?  Will it be in one piece when it gets here?  What sort of bizarre packing materials are going to be included?  Will anything be…leaking?

Sometimes, it’s not anything the human female ordered. She got an email the other day, from someone in the Pathobiology Department, saying that she had a box of prepared microscope slides that belonged to the human female’s Intro Bio program.  No idea why they ended up outside the department.  The sender described some of the labels on the box, and they sounded like Bio slides, all right, so the human female said, “Sure–bring them on over.”

And here is the box:

mystery slides

It’s a whole big carton!  With multiple big slide boxes inside. The human female was thinking it was just one of the little boxes that hold about 30 slides.  The box says “Biology”, and the paper label does too.  Curiouser and curiouser.

Let’s look inside.

mystery slides2

Those topics sure look like one of the Intro to Microscopy labs.  Students look at some microbes and some different colored, criss-crossed silk threads (to practice depth of field), along with a letter “E” to see that things are upside down in the eyepiece.

But hold on!  By Idunn’s Little Apples!  The slides themselves do not correspond at all to the label inside the cover!

mysteryslides 3

Schistosoma…  Schistosoma…  Isn’t that a particularly nasty sort of blood fluke?  Certainly not anything from an Intro Bio microscope lesson!

The rest of the boxes in the carton have Bio markings too, but ALL the boxes are full of nasty parasites!  Tapeworms feature prominently.

Whose are they?  Where did they come from?  Why are they in Intro Bio boxes?  I may know, but I’m not telling!

But now the human female has more creepy slides than she ever, ever wanted, and definitely enough to ruin any lunch Sigyn was thinking of having.

>|: [

Ehehehe! A Valuable New Ally in the War Against the Human Female

Last month, when the human female’s department finally coughed up some funds, she ordered a large, bench-top centrifuge to replace one that was first used to spin samples from creeping things back in the Ordovician.  The new one will be very nice.  It’ll take 24 samples and fling them about at an astonishing 4,000 rpm.  (Needless to say, at that speed, I will NOT be using it as my own personal theme-park ride.  That kind of rotation will do a number even on MY godly tummy.)

Yes, by my pointy helmet, it will be a fine bit of apparatus— if it ever comes. It didn’t come and it didn’t come.  The human female looked on the order acknowledgment, where it said, “Contact customer support for tracking info.”  So she did.  She was told that the freighting was being handled by some shipping company whose name means “Folks Who Make Things Happen Faster and More Smoothly.” (New friends of mine.)

Now she has plugged the tracking number into the website for FWMTHF&MS, she got this:

centrifuge

Norns’ nighties!  Did you ever see such a strange timeline?  It departed before the estimated time of departure!  Unfortunately for the human female, however, the fool thing is stuck in the Big City to the South.  So she’s calling  FWMTHF&MS to see what the hold up is.

Ehehehe!  FWMTHF&MS  is telling her that they have handed off delivery of her goods to another carrier, YRC.   And no, they don’t have a tracking number for that.

This just keeps getting better!  And now she’s calling YRC.  These fine folks disavow all knowledge of the shipment.   No, so sorry, no shipment for the University since blah, blah, blah.  Apparently YRC is short for, “Yeah, right. Ciao.”

Human female, if your face changes color any more, you will need to re-do your wardrobe.

So now she’s on the phone the account representative with the original vendor.  Let’s call them Usually More Reliable Than the Vendor Who’s Responsible.  The poor fellow!  He has to deal with screwy shipping AND the human female.   He says he will get to the bottom of this and call her back.  Likely, he is handing in his resignation and taking steps to emigrate…

(Later)  No news.

(Later)  More no news.  It’s a new week now!

(Later again.) The account representative has talked to FWMTHF&MS–which I suspect is going to be shortened even further to F-TH&S.  According to F-TH&S, the centrifuge, which has now enjoyed a whole week in the Big City to the South, weighs too much for them, and it has been deemed “out of network” for them.  They say they are going to have to subcontract the delivery out to someone else.  Now, to be fair, it does weigh 174 lbs, plus packaging, but the account rep says that F-TH&S routinely ships large items like big ultra-cold freezers up here all the time.

So what’s the hold-up?

What Who do you think?  Eheheheheh…  Stay tuned.

>|: [

 

 

Predictable…

No visit to the Big City to the South would be complete without a visit to the Large Market.  I don’t really expect to find anything new or exciting, but Sigyn likes to talk to the fruit and flowers and sing little songs to the lobsters in the tank, both of which I find completely adorable, so it makes my day.

Sigyn says the label means these fruits speak French.

MDCentralmarket1

“Bonjour Monsieur Banane! Vous avez l’air très ensoleillé aujourd’hui. C’est un jaune très flatteur.”

“Don’t worry, apples.”

MDCentralmarket2

“The new crop will be coming in soon, but I’m sure someone will buy you before then.”

The store is decorated with semi-locally grown flowers today.

MDCentralmarket3

Sigyn wants a boost so she can reach up and make the snapdragons actually snap.

They’re really pushing this sausage.    I wonder how hot it is?

MDCentralmarket4

And if the humans would notice if I slipped it into their recipes?

Sigyn thinks this wine’s  goat label is cute.

MDCentralmarket5

Nice horns, I must admit.

More goaty stuff:

MDCentralmarket6

Fig and black pepper goat cheese?  That sounds just like the frou-frou sort of thing the humans would eat.  I bet they actually buy some.

MDCentralmarket7

“Miss Peony, you’re sure looking cute!

“Your ruffly dress is a beaut!

“I certainly think

It’s a nice shade of pink!

And real comfy to sit in, to boot!”

My sweetie the poetess, ladies and gentlemen.
>|:  [

A Sigyn In Her Natural Habitat (Sigyn Speaks)

Loki is still pouting in the car, muttering about being dragged away from his tabletop battle, and the humans are nosing about in the fountain pen store, so I’m taking this opportunity to go have a good rummage in the bead store that’s in the next block.

This place is a regular treasure trove!  I never know what I’m going to find.  Last time I was here, I swam around in their loose bead bins.   Today, I think I’ll look at some of their mineral specimens.

Ooh!  Fossils!  They’ve got a trilobitey thing, which is pretty neat, but I bet the human female would like this leaf even better.

beadshop-3

Oh, my stars!  Pyrite geodes!  They’re sooo sparkly!  Loki would love one of these.

beadshop-2

Almost room enough to curl up and take a nap in.  Now why does that sound so familiar?

Over here they have some big quartz crystals.

beadshop-1

Hee hee hee!  How funny! Three Sigyns!  And all of them are hungry.  I should go find the others and see if it’s time for lunch!

: )

This is More Like It! Sort Of.

Great Frigga’s corset, that was close!  If we had stayed in that religious articles shop any longer, I might have had to start smiting things–or people.  It is a great relief that we are gone now and headed off on other errands.

Uh, oh.  The human female has squealingly spotted something and the human male has turned the car around.  If he’s willing to do that in traffic, it must be something good!

Really?  That’s really what this place is called?

asgardgames-sign

This has definite potential!  I wonder if I will get a mention, or if it will be all, “Odin, this” and “Thor, that.” I could definitely do without that.

What the….?

asgardgames-anubis

Or, you know, since Midgard is a silly place and this part of it in particular, I guess it’s going to be, “Anubis, that other thing over there.”

Sigyn, get out of his fist, my love.  You don’t know where those paws have been.

I wonder if the inside is as polytheistic as the outside?

Bleargh.  So far, disappointing.

asgardgames-odin

Isn’t there a Loki-themed game here somewhere?  Or is it all going to be Odin or that puppy-headed fellow?

Sigyn has found a quiet little shrine that—-

asgardgames-cthullhu

Uh…Dearest?  Don’t be alarmed and don’t turn around.  Just walk away from the temple slowly.   Slowly…   Come over here by me.  There’s a good girl.

Whew!  Another close one!  Let’s bide here a bit.  This corner of the shop seems safer.  Nothing here but foldy paper cranes.

asgardgames-origami

But kitty-cat folding paper?  Poke, poke, poke.  I don’t trust it.

Oh, now this is interesting. There are several large tables with different “terrain” so that people can  play war games with miniature figures.

asgardgames-playing field

Ehehehehehe!  Look, Sigyn!  It is I, Loki!  Lord of Jotunheim, ruler of a kingdom of ice and snow!  And you, my sunny beloved, are queen of the greensward.  Can I tempt you to cross the line and join me in making some snow angels?

Here is a table being used for a game.  These pillars make good vantage points from which to direct strategy.

asgardgames-directing battle

Bring up the war engines! Circle the cross-bowmen around to the right!  Protect the left flank!  Onward, dogs of war! Let no man turn from glory!  Let—

What’s that?  We’re going to the pen shop now?  How on earth is that more important–or more fun!—than wiping out a whole battalion of marauders?

Pah.  You mortals are so boring.  My rule over you dullards can’t come a moment too soon.

>|: [

Oh, If Only I *Could* Get Away

Sigyn and I are having a little getaway in the Big City to the South.  Unfortunately, this is not going to be anything like a vacation, mini or otherwise, because the humans are with us–and two of their friends as well.  Look, people, you are what I want to get away FROM. But still, the human male is driving, which means I don’t have to worry about Big City traffic, which is fine by me.

Wait!  Stop!  I cry foul!  No one told me that one of our stops was going to be a religious articles store.  Sweet glittering bifrost!  By the looks of this place, a Norse Deity is not going to be very welcome AT ALL.

Sigyn wants to look around, though, and I can deny her nothing.  Poke about all you want, sweetie.  I’ll just be over here, not touching anything.

Oh, it looks like she’s found a book just her size.

saccos-prayer book

Augh!  I can’t look!  No!  Please!  Buy it if you must, but don’t read it aloud–I beg you!

If I put my fingers in my ears close my eyes and say my own prayer, maybe it will be all right.

Heilla Loki! Blóðkonur Óðins. Sonur Farbauti og Laufey. Faðir Fenriswolf, og Jormungand. Félagi og borðfélagi Óðins og Æsis. Þjófur Brisingamen og epli Idunnar. Ættingi Sleipnis. Eiginmaður Sigyns. Óvinur guða. Hárið á Sif. Framleiðandi ógæfu. Fávíslegur guð. Ákærandi og tíkari guðanna. Stuðningsmaður dauða Balder! Hrósaðu réttmætum konungi í Ásgarði og höfðingja Midgarðs! Megi hjálmur þinn alltaf glitra og hornin þín eru áberandi.

Is she done yet?

>|: [

Your Bad News Is My Belly-laugh

Good news!:  The custodial crew is deep cleaning all the floors so they’ll be beautiful and sparkling.  They’re stripping them down to bare tile and everything.  They’re even using the new, super-strength stripper I provided.

Bad news! (Well, bad for the human female):  The new, super-strength stripper I provided doesn’t stop at dissolving all the old, yellow, grungy wax.  No, it continues to power through and dissolves the adhesive sticking down the floor tile as well!

Now, as the human female and her staff are walking through the rooms, they can hear the distinctive ~crackle!~ of loose tiles underfoot.

Ehehehe!  Will you look at that!  Mop-water has gotten in under the tiles and is squeezing back up whenever someone puts weight in the affected spots!

floortile vs water1

Did I know my little prank would turn out so well?  No–but color me tickled!  Dirty, mop-water-brown and tickled!

Oh, dear.   Looks like it’s time to file a work order with Slow, Silent, and Costly.  I’d frown in consternation and disapproval, but the corners of my mouth keep twitching up…

>|: [

Sigh. Let’s Give This Another Try.

Sigyn has managed to find some of her very favorite, red and yellow Rainy Cherries.  She wants to have another cherry-pull.

19-rainier1

I’m torn. I truly am.  Usually she wins.  I don’t know how, but she does.  Oh, one time we tied, and one time she let me win, but usually she ends up with the bigger piece of stem.  So I don’t know why I bother, except it makes her so happy.

And I can refuse my dearest nothing.  Very well, Sigyn.

1…

2…

3…

PULL!

19-rainier2

Great Frigga’s corset!

Mutter, mutter, mutter…

19-ranier3

Mutter, mutter, mutter…

Best two out of three?

two cherry pairs

>|: [

Not As Advertised.

The human male came home the other day with a pair of kitchen shears.  Now, if it were up to me, I’d just use a dagger, because there’s nothing I can’t do with a knife.  But he wanted them for cutting up poultry or opening stubborn boxes.  The human female allowed as how they’d be useful for snipping herbs or sticky dry fruit into itty bitty pieces.

They looked sturdy enough, all heavy blades and business-like black handles.  Even had grippery teeth between the handles for wrenching open bottles and jars and suchlike.  Grrr!   Fierce!

Silly humans.

Nothing.  I repeat, NOTHING

brokenscissors

…is Loki-proof.

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