Month: October 2019

The Big Reveal

Ugh.  I hate this particular part of the All Hallows festivities in particular.  Every year, it’s the same thing.  “Let’s dress up!” Sigyn says.  “It’ll be fun!” Sigyn says.  And it’s always the same.  She looks amazing and adorable in whatever she picks—and I just end up in something dorky.

And it usually itches.

So why do I do it?  Simple.  I do it to make this precious flower happy:

sigynflower1

Sigyn originally thought she wanted to be a ballerina this year, so she made herself a yellow tutu.  But when she put it on, she looked so much like a flower that she decided that’s what she is.

See?  Helenium:

Image result for helenium

Sigyn:

sigynflower2

It’s uncanny.

“Loki!  Come out and show everyone your costume!”

wheres loki

No!  I’m not coming out.  I look stupid.  And itchy.”

“Don’t be silly!  You look great!

“I don’t want to.”

im not coming out

“When you told me you’d found me a wizard costume, I thought it would be something awe-inspiring and slightly terrifying, not something that looks like glorified pajamas.”

this is stupid

“Don’t be so grumpy, Loki!  I think you look magnificent.”

no you look great

The things I do for love.

ill go but i wont like it

“Where are you going, Sigyn?”

“I’m off to get something to collect our candy in.  We used a pillowcase last year, but this year I have a better idea.”

better than pillow case

“See?”

sigyn has a barrow

>|: [

: )

The Earbone’s Connected to the Snoutbone

Sigyn and I have tagged along on one of the humans’ market runs.  Sigyn has heard that there is one supremely spooky aisle there right now.  Muffy mentioned it, and Sigyn wants to go see if it’s a scary as it’s reported to be.  Never fear, my love!  I shall be beside you!

Oh, this isn’t too bad!  It’s just a little frog.   What do you think, Sigyn?  Does he need to follow us home?  Look at the price tag. It’s not even like he’s expensive!  We could buy him and put him somewhere for the human female to find.

Sigyn says there’s something “off” about him, though…  What do you mean?  I see a skull and leg bones and toe bones and ribs, and—-  Oh.

frog skeleton

I see what you mean.  There IS something creepy going on here.   Let’s not bring this critter home.

What about the pig?  He seems pretty tame, Sigyn.  But let’s see–how scientifically accurate is he?

pig skeleton

Good grief!  Ear bones and snout bones?  Clearly, someone slept through Biology class!

Oh, now they’re not even trying.

unicorn skeleton

A spider skeleton?!  Enough!  I can’t look!

spider skeleton

None of these are scary at all; they’re just pathetic!  No, Sigyn, not even if you pretend it’s trying to eat you.

scorpion skeleton

This is all so grossly inaccurate that I have trouble taking any of it seriously.

Nope, still not scary.  Yes, it has big teeth, but it also has ears, so it’s just ridiculous.

wolf skeleton

Besides, I can hear you giggling.

No.  Not a bit of this display is frightening.  The fact that somewhere, there are sad individuals sitting in factories making these abominations, now THAT is scary.  And that people are spending good money on them—that is going to keep me up at night.  I plan to take over this realm, and it terrifies me to think that so many of my subjects are so stupid!  I can see that I will have some serious culling to do once I ascend the throne.

Oh, this all gets me so riled up!  Come on, Sigyn, let’s go over one aisle and soothe ourselves by reminding ourselves about the true meaning of this upcoming holiday.

sigyn candyloki candy

>|: [

Strange Fruit

We had a nice cold front come through last night, so now it really does feel like fall.  All commercial over-hype aside, I will admit to being a *little* ready for All Hallows.  It’s always fun to see if the human female is going to dress up and try to be uglier than she already is.  I mean, there’s only so much makeup can do!  And if she chooses a costume that hides her physiognomy, so much the better.

Yes, I feel I can welcome the festivities with equanimity.  See, it’s another pumpkin and I don’t even feel stabby, and–

wool-pumpkin1

Sleipnir’s Fetlocks!  What in all the Nine Realms is that!?

wool-pumpikin2

It’s too small to be the human female trying on her costume!  But did you ever see such an unlovely face?!

Don’t worry Sigyn–I’m ready and the instant it does more than stare, I will blast it into pie filling!

wool-pumpkin3

Faugh!  Foul Fiend of the Field.   Begone!  Return to your accursed pumpkin patch or I will carve you an even uglier face!

wool-pumpkin4

Um.  Or I guess you and Sigyn could make friends.

wool-pumpkin5

That…  That works too.

I end up with more weird acquaintances this way…

>|: [

Odin’s Eyepatch! Is It That Time Again Already?!

Time flies when you’re making mischief and causing havoc.  It seems as if it were only yesterday that Sigyn and I were dressing up and shaking down the local populace for confectionery in a socially accepted manner.

There’s a tremendous amount of build-up to this Midgardian holiday.  Each year, the decorations seem to pop up earlier and earlier, like creepy, black and orange toadstools after a rain. Case in point:  Sigyn and I are at the local Red Bullseye Market today and All Hallows seems to have vomited all over the place.  Just look at all of this pseudo-spooky tat!

Some of the offerings are simply autumnal.  Behold this smug vulpine smirk!

Target-fox

How can you tell it’s a fall decoration?  Easy.  His bow tie is gold.  If it were pink, it would be Valentine’s Day, and if it were Yule, it would be red and green.

I don’t trust him.

Sigyn has found a whole sackful of cucurbitaceous erasers.  What are you going to do with them all, my love?

Target-bag-o-pumpkins

I don’t suppose I could convince you to make a most rubbery pumpkin tart for the human female…?

Truly, the seasonal gourdage is getting out of hand.  Of the ones displayed, only the butternut squash Sigyn’s standing next to looks even remotely real.

Target-ceramic-pumpkins

The blue woolly ones look as if they’ve been sitting on the porch since last All Hallows.

This one is hollow and large enough that Sigyn can play, “Peter, Peter” with it.

Target-pumpkin-nom

Very well, my love, if you are picking out a little hidey-hole, I will do so also!

Target-witch-nom

It’s largely green, a color of which I approve, but it’s too determinedly cheerful to really suit me.  I’m also sure that if I stayed in here I’d have a nightmare that this grinning harridan would close her mouth and swallow.  No thank you!

Ah.  Here’s a little cabana Sigyn and I could share.  Sigyn says the inscription is meant to encourage small tots who traipse about suggesting that a handout of sweets will save the populace from mayhem.

Target-another-pumpkin-nom

Lest the message up there be misinterpreted, I’m keeping a sharp lookout, just in case any passing storks start getting ideas about potential progeny… I would not make a good parental figure.

These, now!  These would look right at home in the yard.  The human female has one just like this, only it’s forty feet tall and looms over the dining room.

Target-tree

The price is most reasonable.  Let us purchase a few, my dearest, and distribute them around the inside of the house, so that there is a harmonious continuity between inside and out and the human female feels bad-botanist’s remorse every time her eyes fall upon one!  Now that would be an enjoyable way to spend the holiday!

>|: [

Oh, No! I Didn’t Study For This Test!

One of the classes is studying vision and the way various vision defects are inherited.  They’ve left a book of color-blindness test plates on the lab desk.  Sigyn, let’s have a look.  I can already tell you that I have superior, godly vision.  Don’t feel bad if I get a better score than you.

What do you see in this one?

colorblind1

People with normal vision will see a seven.  People with defective vision may see a four.  I can see both.  What does that mean?

Ooh. This one is a little harder…  Sigyn isn’t quite sure what the pattern is, but I can see a square-ish green figure eight. 

colorblind2

Sigyn, do you really not see it?  Yes, that’s right.  On the right hand side there.  It’s got square corners, but it’s still an eight.  (She can see it; she just thinks round eights are prettier.)

Let’s let the human female try this one.  I can see it clearly, and so can Sigyn.  Hint–it’s a blue and purple thing.

colorblind3

It’s right there, mortal!  They’ve hidden your IQ in the dots!

How well would you do?

>|: [

Goofing Up The Goop

A am bored.  I think I shall look around and see what mischief I can get up to in the human female’s workplace.  I wonder what is going on in the prep rooms?

Oho!  It looks as if the Prep Staff is going to be pouring little plates of agar and punching holes in them for the students to use for practicing their pipetting skills, in preparation for learning how to load and run a gel. The dishes are here, waiting to be poured, and the agar is simmering on the hotplate.

practice plates 2

I’m in luck!  Some have already been poured but not yet punched.  Here, let me help with that!

Punch!  Punch!  Punch!  Punch!  Ehehehehehe!

practice plates 3

There!  All punched!  And no, my glorious boots aren’t sterile, either, so there!

practice plates 4

One down, seven hundred and ninety-nine to go!

>|: [

 

Nuptial Frivolities

The human male’s coworker and his sweetheart are being married today.  Sigyn, you remember them.  He is the one who makes that delicious dish with the shellfish, and she is the one who has paid tribute to my signature look with her hairstyle.

For reasons passing my understanding, I have not been invited to the church for the actual wedding. Sigyn has, though. The human female said that the bride and groom are worried that my glorious presence would upstage their ceremony, but she was making That Face when she said it, the one that means she might be serious or she might be having a snark at my expense.  (Laugh all you want mortal.  I know where you sleep.)

(later)

I was not disinvited from the reception, so here I am, ready for a good meal and a slice of the traditional cake.  (Apparently they have decided that I cannot sully cake.)

The hall, Sigyn insists, has been decorated very prettily, but I have no eye for flowers or ribbons or other such folderols.  No, my attention has been caught by the photography booth in the corner.  Some of the props with which attendees may pose are more than a little disturbing.

I have no fond memories of my various encounters with the bearer of this disk…

shield-prop

Captain Spanglepants may occasionally assist me in keeping Sigyn safe, but he is overly friendly with Sigyn and his priggishness is bound to ruin my appetite and sour the champagne.  This reminds me… I never did finish working through my to-do list

Thor’s Bitty Ballpeen!  Don’t tell me my brother is going to show up too!

vikinghelmet

That’s all I need.  I had better hurry back to Sigyn to make sure none of the Avengers are pestering her with either attentions or boastful war stories.

Behold:  Is not my beloved beautiful by candlelight?

sigyn-tealight

Let us sit here together, my petal, and pretend that all of the celebration is just for us.

standinaheart

The master of ceremonies is announcing dinner.  No one has to call me twice.   Sigyn is starting with the salad.

salad

I, however, have moved ahead to the roast beast and delicious fowl portion of the repast.  If I am to rule this realm, I shall need all my strength.

dinner

What would a feast be without music and dancing and laughter and the shrill pipings of younglings as they run about among the tables?  Quieter, I assure you!  But perhaps less festive.  I believe it must be the same in all the realms, for truly, I remember Volstagg’s brood yelling and darting about under the feet of the servers at many a feast back on Asgard.  (I myself, as a young prince, was never allowed to run about, shrieking, at feasts, though I wish I had a gold piece for every time I slid under the table to play with the knives or read my spell books.  Thus, I have no prizes for deportment, either.)

And now, while all the revelers cluster about the happy couple to wish them well, I can get on with the serious business of sampling the cake.

caaaake

Mmmm. Almond.  And jam.  And buttercream.  Sigyn approves, and so do I!   Would that some of the humans’ friends might wed every week, that we might feast in this manner always!

>|: 9