Month: December 2019

A New Yule Tradition–Day Four: Gastronomic Goodies

One of the best parts of being away from home for Yule is the distinct lack of the human female’s cooking.  Not that she can’t come up with usually-edible victuals, but by the crumbs in Volstagg’ beard, that woman cannot cook without making a horrific mess!  She never finishes meal preparation without the kitchen looking like Ragnarok has occurred. Not that I feel any particular guilt about skiving off without helping with the washing up, but I am weary unto death of manufacturing excuses not to.  Even I can run out of lies on occasion.

So, happy me and joyful Sigyn, we are sampling the very best this town has to offer by way of comestibles.

This little piggy went to market. This little piggy stayed home.  This little piggy had roast beef…

3littlepiggies

And the other two piggies were similarly made out of marzipan and I nommed them while no one was looking.

By Odin’s monocular vision!  Come here, Sigyn and look at this mold for cooking eggs!

funny egg makers

How’d you like that staring at you of a morning?  The pup is cute, too, and you’d get to eat the bacon that didn’t end up in the ears.  The idea is very clever, but I wonder if the actual results would be as perfect?  Never mind, though.   With my magic, I can make your morning eggs into any shape you please.

Oooo!  I have discovered the hoard of a lifetime!

choccoins

These may be gold or they may be chocolate–either way, I win!

Look, Sigyn!  They made a drink just for me!

liquid rage

But I bet it’s false advertising.  I’ll wager my remaining uneaten chocolate gelt that it isn’t made with freshly-squeezed red pandas.

(later)

All of this wandering around and tasting and snacking on bits and pieces of things is making me cross and a little hangry for a real meal.

grumpychocolate

Yes, yes, Sigyn.  I see the chocolate “just for me.” Very funny.

Ah.  Sigyn has chosen where we shall have lunch today.

crepe hut

That looks like a splendid place to have lunch.  And it appears they have two free seats at the counter.  I could certainly wrap myself around a waffle or two, and a mug of hot cider would hit the spot perfectly.

And someone else will be doing the dishes.

>|: [

A New Yule Tradition–Day Three: In Which Sigyn Runs Into the Usual Trouble

I am SO glad we decided to go on vacation this year.  It is six kinds of restful, this being away from the humans and the felines!  We are enjoying our cozy camper (last night I magicked up a ball pit and Sigyn had the best time, swimming around and giggling.)

Still, it wouldn’t be Yule if my beloved didn’t get a dose of glass somewhere, so today we have arranged to tour a glass factory.  I’m not quite sure what sort of glass objects they make.  Sigyn is hoping it’s glass paperweights, since those are her favorites.  I just hope it is not something yawn-inducing, like peteri dishes or those razor-edged rectangles of death that come in dollar store picture frames.

Great Frigga’s corset!  This bodes ill.  This is a candleholder factory, and Sigyn has a bad, bad record with these…

Well, this is not too bad.

candleholder2

Ehehehe.  Peekaboo, indeed.  You cutie, you.

Uh, oh.  I knew it.

candleholder1

Sigyn, my love, come out of there!  I’m sure the nice factory workers would really rather you not put nose smudgies on their wares.

Even if it is a very cute nose.

Aaargh!  Right from one predicament to another.

candleholder3

I swear to Gungnir, I turn my back for one minute…

This hangy-dangle globe is going to take more than a little work to get you out of.  I’ve got to figure out what needs to happen first.  Does the globe lift off or twist?  Is there a way out of the bottom, or have we got to get you out of the top?  And how did you get in there in the first place?

Hang on, sweetie.  Loki’s coming.

>|: [

 

A New Yule Tradition–Day Two: To Market, To Market

We slept very well in our cozy little camper last night.  Of course, the fact that I conjured up a very soft and downy featherbed, a two-person bathtub, and a breakfast of crepes and fresh fruit just added to its charm.

So now we sally forth to see what delights this charming town has to offer.  It’s supposed to have a famous open-air market in the square, so that’s where we are headed first.

Sigyn is beside herself!  This farmer breeds an extraordinary sort of reindeer, one with a long and silky coat that he sells as fleeces or which his wife spins into yarn.

llama

They have brought one of the beasts with them and Sigyn is losing no time making friends.  I suspect we will be tarrying here for a while…

Look, Sigyn!  This next stall seems to carry a lot of merchandise that looks like your friend Muffy.

muffystuff1

Pick her out a nice souvenir and I will magically post it back to her. (I’m not trusting anything to Fed Up and Exhausted!)

Ehehehe!  I should have known!

snow globe

We may have been deprived of seeing glass in the museum, but if there are glass paperweights or snowglobes anywhere, you can be sure my beloved will find them!   That gingerbread fellow is almost as tall as you!

Oh, now isn’t that cute?

cat mug

Sigyn says this mug reminds her of the Terror Twins back home.  She wants to know if I miss them.  Sweetie, last night’s dinner was the first I’ve had without cat hair in months.  No, I don’t miss them.  But I do wonder if Taffy is still sleeping on the human female’s head, the way I’ve been teaching her?  (I don’t have to actually be present to annoy the human female!)

>|: [

A New Yule Tradition–Day One: A Place To Lay Our Heads

Longtime readers will recall that, in lieu of exchanging gifts, Sigyn and I often do something particularly fun for Yule. Typically, we sneak into one of the museums on campus and look at all the lovely glass. 

This year, we found the museum minus any exhibits–I think they must be changing things around.  Sigyn was crestfallen for a moment, until I suggested something completely different.  A Yule/New Year vacation!

So we have left the humans and the Terror Twins behind, and we have struck out on our own.  I have transported us to a lovely little village where we will sleep in and eat fun things and look at pretty scenery and not be bothered with the mortals at all.

chocolate vacation

Sigyn is very excited.  She can’t decide what she wants to do first–take a cruise on the canal, go for a bike ride, or poke about in shops.

First, though, we should secure lodgings.  I didn’t wish to book online, as I wanted to have a look first.  My love, let us take a stroll and see what our options are.

Sigyn thinks this rustic little cabin is “quaint.”

wmhouse1

Dearest, I think we can do better than “quaint.”  Besides, those windows look a bit charred.  I suspect the snow is hiding some recent fire damage…

This place looks to be in better repair.  See?  That red-suited fellow is washing the windows and repointing the brickwork.

wmhouse3

But it’s tiny, and who knows what else need fixing in there?

Oh, this looks like a well-kept establishment!

wmhouses4

Smart paintwork and nice decorations, if a trifle overdone.  Looks like it’s composed of several adjoining town homes, like the hotel we stayed at in London.  Do you want to book a room now, my petal, or keep looking?

Sigyn wishes to keep looking.  She says she’ll know it when she sees it.  She wants something “cozy and unusual and festive.”  Very well, my love, onward!

(later)

She’s found it!

wmhouse2

It’s perfect, dearest!  I shall magic up our luggage forthwith!

>|: [

Now This is More Like It

I threw that horrific tofudibeest roast thingy in the human female’s shopping cart, knowing that she probably wouldn’t serve it for the Yule feast, but relishing the thrill of danger because there was always the chance that she’d call my bluff and serve up that abomination.

Fortunately, Sigyn and I may have been spared such a fate, for behold!  A Mysterious Package has arrived!

nueskes1

“Perishable” on a box at the human female’s work usually means oozy, woozy microbes, but on a house package, it often means EDIBLES.  And if I remember correctly, the humans received a box from this vendor last year, and it had the most amazing ham in it–so this is very promising!

Insulated foam container.  Lots of green air pillows.

nueskes2

Very, very promising!

Oh, Sigyn, look!  It’s a carnivore’s treasure trove!

nueskes3

Is there ham?  Is there ham?

No?

nueskes4

Well, pork chops and BACON are just as good!

nueskes5

Mmmm. Canadian bacon, smoked beef, weiners, and summer sausage.

Farewell, tofurky!  New plan:  We warm this all up, have ourselves a proper gorge, and curl up in a carnivorous stupor.

This is shaping up into a very fine Yule indeed!

>|: 9

Last Minute Preparations

The humans have left a lot of things rather too late this year.  The human female is just now doing the baking.  The kitchen is all asmear with shortening and egg and sugar. There is flour everywhere, and it smells of lemon and almonds.

If it was ginger and cinnamon, that would mean she is baking gingerbread.  If there were cranberries and smishsmashios, it would mean shortbread. But almond and lemon?  That can only mean one thing.

She has Spritzed out a veritable forest of trees!

cookietrees

The blasted woman always rearranges them in neat columns of a dozen, so she can keep track of how many she makes.  Makes it harder for me to snitch one, dammit.  Just for that, mortal, you are going to be finding green sugar everywhere for weeks.

(a bit later)  The human female and male are now shopping for a few last minute items.  She likes plants so much I think one of these needs to go in the cart for the Yule feast.

tofurkey

Mmmm. Processed wheat gluten, soybeans, and mycoproteins…

Sigyn and I, of course, shall be dining elsewhere.  (Far, far, away from anything that looks like that!)

>|: [

 

Another Party, More Food, Additional Enticing Table Decorations

Hugninn and Muninn’s downy pinfeathers!  Just how many Yule parties are the humans going to attend?!  Will this eating season never end?

Apparently not, for here the humans sit, once more among people they know and people they don’t. These festivities, however, are not a potluck and are being hosted at an actual restaurant.  The possibility, therefore, of green bean casserole is quite remote, and I would be surprised indeed if there were sugar cookies.

Sigyn is in high spirits tonight.  She’s playing pirate, sailing her dread black ship upon the treacherous Table Sea!

Stmarys-dinner1

Come down, my love.  Antipasti has been sighted.

Stmarys-dinner2

Mmm.  Cheese.  Olives. Various porcine meaty things.  And what is the other green thing?

Stmarys-dinner3

Ah. Grilled zucchini.  I might be persuaded to try it, since it’s green.

Sigyn is interested in the olive.  I’m considering this fat-laden, yet undoubtedly delicious, piebald slice.

Stmarys-dinner4

Mmmm.  Piggy and salty….

There is a choice of meals tonight.  Sigyn and I are poised to enjoy this luscious plate of chicken piccata.

Stmarys-dinner6

Sigyn is a bit dubious about the green things…  My love, the human female says that they are capers.  “Capers” sounds like “mischief,” so I think I will probably like them.

The table decorations are glass enclosures full of colorful baubles.  Sigyn really wants to get inside and is looking for the latch…

Stmarys-dinner5

No, Sweetie!  STOP!

It’s simple physics, my love.  If you open that door, all the baubles will tumble out, flatten you, roll everywhere, and probably smash.  Please!  Please don’t!

I have to watch her every minute!

>|: [

 

More Eating!

As if there hasn’t been enough munching around here, the human female is about to create yet more food, in order to take it to yet another holiday gathering.

holiday lunch1

By the ingredients, I surmise that she is making a batch of her rice pilaf, which I will admit is rather good, and which she doesn’t know how to make for less than an army.

holiday lunch2

Hmm. Looks like she has an unopened jar of the chicken bouillon.

holiday lunch3

Which is why it’s so funny I convinced her she didn’t.  She had the human male pick up a jar.  Now she has enough to make pilaf for TWO armies.

(later)

Here’s a sampling of the goodies at the Departmental holiday lunch.

holiday lunch4

The ubiquitous turkey, gravy, mashed potatoes, and green beans.  Macaroni and cheese.  A pea salad (?!), some green salad, and some cranberry sauce.  And do I recognize the pilaf there in the middle.  Indeed I do.

And this is Sigyn’s favorite part of the meal.  There were soooo many desserts to choose from!  She does love her sugar.

holiday lunch5

A cinnamon cake with pecans, a teeeeeeny wedge of lemon tart, a wafer cookie with some sort of strawberry whippy stuff, one of Dr. W’s cutout Yule cookies (without which it isn’t Christmas), and a wrapped sweet which looks as if it might be marzipan, but which, upon inspection, is composed entirely of crushed peanuts and sugar.  (Not that Sigyn is complaining!)  I am going back to see if the brownies are still there.

Sigyn has an additional holiday Tradition of climbing the table decorations.

holiday lunch6

And, as we all know, Tradition must be obeyed.

>|: [

 

How to Properly Return a Parcel

It’s all about the packages and parcels this week.  It’s always gratifying when the things one has ordered arrive whole and sound in the post, and maddening when they arrive in less than mint condition—and even more infuriating when they don’t arrive at all. But what about things which arrive in good condition but which aren’t what was ordered?  Returns, ugh!

Some merchants helpfully provide return instructions.

returna cat1

Hmm.  Is there anything in the house that needs to be sent off somewhere?  Maybe something that knocks over houseplants, tries to sneak into the garage, runs races through the house at 3:00 a.m., crinkles any and all paper, licks empty yogurt cartons, and sheds on everything?

I hired the Terror Twins on as minions, but lately they’ve been less about following my orders and more about general mayhem

I have an idea

returna cat2

There!  That ought to do it!

returna cat3

>|: [

I Sense A Theme Here

Earlier this week, I spoke of Yule parcels which met with misadventure en route and did not arrive.  However, one package, sent by the human female’s up-north Auntie, has managed to arrive.  Come, my love, let us examine this parcel!

brokenbox1

This Auntie often sends baked goods.  Mmmm…  The human female says we may open it and see if anything needs refrigeration.

brokenbox2

What do you think, Sigyn?  Fudge?  Fruitcake?  Maple syrup or candy???  The best time is the minute before you actually look, because then it could be anything.

brokenbox3

I see glass!    But what is that shifting, tinkling sound?

brokenbox4

Sleipnir’s fetlocks!  This does not bode well at all.

brokenbox5

Norns’ nighties!  Was Thor here doing Mjolnir practice?  Or was the horrible Hulk on the premises?  I have seldom seen anything so comprehensively smashed!  I asked Usually Smashes Parcels Significantly to bang up the box a bit, just to frighten the mortals, but they can’t even do wrong right and have delivered a pristine box with a catastrophe inside.

brokenbox6

Mortal, be sure to remember to write a thank-you note for this thoughtful gift.  Here, I will dictate:

“Dear Auntie,

“Thank you for the amusing jigsaw puzzle.”

>|: [