It’s very near Yule, and yuletide secrets abound! What is everyone buying for me? What did the human male buy for the human female this year? What did the human female get the human male?
Whatever it is…it seems to have gone astray.
Ehehehe! She ordered four things. Three of them were sent to a pickup hub rather than the house and arrived just fine last week. The fourth, not so much. Between the Large River in South America and Unrepentant Package Squashers, that thing is well and truly lost. The online tracking is still showing the above. The latest email the human female has received says, effectively, “Well, this is a tad embarrassing. We’ll see if we can’t hunt down the package that traveled hundreds of miles and made it all the way to your home city and was out on the truck for delivery—and then vanished.”
She tried calling the Large River, and they said, “Sorry. Our system shows it could still arrive. If it hasn’t shown up by the 18th, then we’ll talk.” How long do you think I can string this out? New Years?
Another mystery: Why didn’t they send all four items in one box on the same day instead of two boxes one day apart? The better to serve you!
That’s not the only parcel that was wandering around out there with the human female’s name on it. Behold the masterpiece that was the tracking for the gift ordered for the human male’s mother:
When Fex-Ex hands off to Usually Smashes Parcels Significantly, the results are delicious.
I updated that before it finally did show up:
Three words for you, mortals: Bricks and mortar.
Will anything arrive in time? I’m not telling!