The Best-laid Schemes o’Mice an’ Jotuns Gang Aft A-gley, Part I: The Passing of a Giant

You may (or may not–who knows how big your brain is? mine’s enormous) recall my mentioning the very large, very dead post oak tree in the the back yard.  The bare branches were ugly enough, but I have always adored the way it made the human female constantly afraid that the thing was going to topple some day and crush the house and all inhabitants.

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It was my *plan* to have it do exactly that!  At some unforeseen-by-the-humans point, the venerable arborescent behemoth (look at it!  it’s huuuuuge!) was supposed to just keel over and make a loaf of split-top bread out of the domicile.  Bonus points if I could get it to land on the female’s workdesk, which in a former life was the dining room table.  Extra-special bonus points if some of it damaged the house next door (which belongs to two Russian high-energy nuclear physicists) or the dividing fence—something that would get the human female sued, anyway.

Well, I dragged it out a little too long, fanning the flames of paranoia and whispering in the female’s ear about how Hurricane Season is less than a month away and did you hear we’re due for some very windy weather even before then?  I  must have pushed a mite too hard, because unbeknownst to me, the female rang up a tree removal service and they are here right this very minute, so farewell to a pet project.

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Sigh.  You and I could have been infamous, tree.  I’m sorry it’s come to chainsaws.

The human female has a very good view of the process right outside the window behind her “desk.”

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I wonder if the fellow with the rope and climbing spikes has noticed the droopy “bird silhouette” the human female put up earlier this year in an attempt to keep that demented mockingbird from hurling himself against the windows?

Yggdrasil’s taproot!  Gigantic branches are coming down!

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Can we have just one land on the human female?   Or her car?  Or maybe a limb through the window? Please?

At the very least, can we have some Loud and Alarming Noises as bits and pieces land upon the roof and scrape their way down the shingles?  Yes?

No?

Ah, well.  With every unexplained thump and scrape, the human female is twitching, so I have managed to salvage something from my original designs…

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