Day: September 7, 2020

(Mal)Adjusting, Part I: New Card, Same Old Visage

The human female is slowly adjusting to life as a washed-up retired person. She says it feels like a “stay-cation” (stoopid Midgardian word) or like a succession of Saturdays.

She had the Bio department HR person submit the application for her retiree ID card the other day. Then she submitted a very spur-of-the-moment and VERY unflattering photo and sat back and waited. Today, she is going up on campus to pick up the coveted card.

I must say I adore the ID card office. The clerks all sit high on a raised portion of the floor, so anyone seeking a card has to look up at them in humble supplication. “Please, sir, may I have a card?” Will they grant your request… or not? It always feels as if “not” might be a possibility. (And then when the cards come, the photos are always vile, even if one is not as abjectly unphotogenic as the human female.)

Norns’ nighties! This doesn’t look good. The human female handed them her old staff ID (which I hid for four days and she thought she’d lost, until she found it where she had already looked) and her driver’s license. The clerk has compared the two to the new ID card and is making a frowny face. Eehehehe! Looks like “notIS a possibility!

The human female thought I was done using the Biology Department to make her life more interesting. What she doesn’t know is that I saw to it that the information that the departmental HR person submitted had the human female as retiring from the Law School! As if! No way is she smart enough to be a lawyer!

The human female has stepped aside and is having to wait for a new card to be made. They should make her wear a “I am a problem customer” sign around her neck while she waits.

And here is the new card!

You can thank me–under that blackout bar and the mustache, she’s got a sort of manic look in her eye and those i-had-braces-for-three-years-and-they’re-still-crooked teeth are on full display. You wouldn’t exactly turn to stone, seeing her face, but it’d be a close call…

It’s awful, but it’ll do. So now she can check out books at the library, and get the parking pass that will let her park free in certain spots, along with other perks and provisos.

Until I hide it.

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