Day: September 29, 2020

I’m Sure This is a Metaphor, Part II: Holding It All Together

The human female is elbow-deep in this junk drawer now, and it has become apparent that the humans have a fixation with fastening things to other things. Probably a sublimated desire to keep their lives from falling apart. (I’m sure I don’t help with that. Ehehehehehe!)

The first thing that is obvious is that, Sleipnir’s fetlocks!–they have never thrown a twist-tie away in all their lives.

Look at this! Unclench, woman! Some of this has got to go. Yes, I know that they won’t recycle, unless you’re willing to sit and strip the paper off the wire of each one of these. You’re not? Hypocrite.

Sweet toothy Fafnir! It’s not just twist-ties. Behold the proliferation of paperclips!

This polychromic assortment is but a tiny sample, culled from the generous handful that are scattered throughout. Most of the others are the standard silver sort in a variety of sizes. I am keeping this waspy-looking stripey one and I will probably abscond with the airplane-shaped one as well.

From paperclips to binder clips. (clip!) I swear (clip!) these things are (clip!) BREEDING in here. Nothing for it (clip!) but to fashion (clip!) some sort of centipedal vertebral model (clip!) so that they all stay together.

Is it art? Or it house cleaning? You decide!

The humans appear to have considered all their options for hanging things.

This is not counting the half pound of blue-tak the female had holding up all the colorful cards on her office wall.

And it’s not just hanging. We are prepared for any sort of gluing emergency that may arise.

Any sort of gluing emergency.

Instructions for a glue so noxious the human female won’t use it in the house. The fumes cause dain bramage or something.

And now we come to the tape.

Blue painter’s tape, masking tape, and package sealing tape (which we could actually us more of. I’ll have to make sure it is omitted from the shopping list until after it becomes critical at Yuletide.)

The humans are well-provided for when it comes to the other sort of tape:

Not one, not two, but THREE rolls! Plus some sort of gimmicky little dispenser thing. This sort of accumulation is what can happen when “someone” tells both humans separately that tape is needed for giftwrapping. I think I shall suggest that the human female store some of this away with the wrapping paper, gift bags, and tissue paper. I shall then suggest to the male that since there is only one roll in the drawer, more is needed come December. And because a three-pack is more economical…

Humans are so gullible. “We need tape.” “This paperclip might come in handy.” “Cleaning out this drawer will bring me closer to perfection.” Dream on, mortal. Dream on.

>|: [