It will come as no surprise to long-time readers that I loathe, despise, detest, and abominate crowds of Yule shoppers. I don’t like humans as a rule, and I like them even less when they’re pushy, cranky, tired, grabby, and not wearing masks properly. Don’t get me wrong: I don’t care about catching a disease–I’m immune and Sigyn is under magical protection—but I really like the local ordinances that mandate that the mortals have half their miserable faces covered up so I don’t have to look at them.
Hence, I am all for shopping online, and I especially like it when the human male and female do it. True, it means I have to see them when they’re decked out in their Comfy Pants and barely groomed, but it means they don’t take Sigyn with them and I don’t have to leave the house to protect her and and rub shoulders with Midgardians, either.
Auugh! By Jormundandr’s pointy baby teeth! Now not even shopping at home is safe! Just look at YoungHuevos‘s special Intel processor offer!
Does everything have to be Avengers’ themed? And if so, does Thor’s stupid face have to be right on the front of the box?
I can’t be the only person sick of seeing his bulbous biceps and lightning-wrapped instrument of bludgeoning.
Ugh, humans, can’t we go look at a different website? Something nice and lovely and cheerful and tasteful, like, oh, I don’t know—hernia trusses or colorfully mutant My Little Pony plushies?
(Seriously, is no one concerned about this terrible case of equine brachycephaly?!)
Ugh. I have lost the little faith I had in humanity. I am, as they say, out of here. If anyone wants me, I will be napping off a shopper’s migraine.