It’s Almost Over, But There’s Still Time for More Mischief

The human female and her band of Do-gooders are winding up their Yule gift drive. The gifts are mostly here, they’ve been sorted, and each family’s presents have been bundled into a big black bag.

Larger families or those with bigger gifts might get two bags!

As you might imagine, with over 200 families and over 1,000 gifts, there is ample opportunity to cause a little mayhem.

Take, for example, the Plague Lady. She called the team to tell them that she’d bought most of the gifts she’d signed up to purchase, but that she’d been exposed to The Virus and didn’t want to hold on to the goods any longer than it would take to drop them off for wrapping. Fair enough. When she arrived, the human female put on some latex gloves, had the Plague Lady lower her shopping bag into one of the big black bags, and bade her a speedy goodbye. Then she slapped a big “Covid Donor! Do Not Open For At Least 72 Hours!” label on the bag and stuck it in an out-of-the-way corner.

When she opened the Plague Bag after the allotted time had passed, she found that not only had the ladies size 16/18 pants and shirt not been bought, the rest of the contents were all mischified as well. There were supposed to be “baby girl shoes, size 8.” There’s just one problem with that—baby shoes don’t come in size 8. Confused, the donor had bought baby shoes and little girl shoes size 8. The Do-gooders looked up the actual age of the child and figured out that the larger shoes were right. So now there were extra baby shoes.

There were supposed to be shoes for two older girls size 1 and size 7, but they weren’t in the bag. There was, however, one pair of girls size 3. ???? As luck would have it, there was a pair of size 1 in the “extra gifts” area, so they were swapped for the size 1’s, but someone had to go out and buy the size 7’s.

Someone also had to go and buy the Minecraft game a little boy wanted. The Plague Bag contained only a tiny box of Minecraft-themed Legos. Legos! Pffft! What a lame gift. I have never understood the fascination with those knobby bits of plastic.

Most of those gifts were for Family 134. You may wonder what I have against Family 134. I have nothing against Family 134. I picked that number at random, and I’m not done with them quite yet.

You see, two of the teenage boys in that family wanted wireless bluetooth speakers for making a phone into something called a “boom box.” Those were gifts 65 and 67. 67 had showed up but 65 did not. One of the Do-gooders had ordered it, but it hadn’t come, then another showed up, so the person who ordered it was going to return it when it came in. The human female wrapped both of them and put them in the bag. Or she thinks she remembers she did. When the bags were checked, though, 65 was still missing. Obviously the human female Pulled a Stupid and put one of the speakers someplace else. Maybe Family 65…? In any case, someone has had to go out and buy yet another one to make the bag come out right.

And then there were the families whose gifts were ready that no one could reach by phone or text or email…

And the lost person the human female had to give directions to for twenty minutes before they could find the pickup spot…

It will be a true Yule miracle if all of these bags get where they’re going before 2021 rolls in.

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