Month: January 2021

What They’ve All Been Up To, Part V: They’ll Let Just Anyone In Here

I’ve managed to check up on most of the local citizenry, but a few are conspicuously missing. Where are Black Widow, Captain Marvel, Pepper Potts, and the other members of the X Chromosome League?

Ah. Found them. All I had to do was follow the giggling.

Apparently it’s Hair-do Club Day and I didn’t get the memo. The topic for this week’s meeting is The Long Bob and the Faces It Flatters. Darcy looks unsure about chopping off her long mane.

Wait—I was momentarily blinded by the glare from the screen.

“Thor, is that you?”

“Indeed, brother! These fair ladies have been offering most sage advice on how best to tame my flowing locks.”

‘Flowing locks’? Give me a break.”

“Hey, can anyone get in on this?”

Gunnehilde! I was NOT expecting to run into my bearded sister-in-law today, and especially not here! It would appear that the five-o-clock shadow spell I cast upon her on the first day of April going on seven years ago has lost none of its efficacy. Is she not a sight to behold?

Ehehehehehe! As I said, it suits her. Sometimes I do not know my own strength. Ehehehehehe! Ack! I forget sometimes she knows what to do with that sword! Time to make a strategic retreat.

Ah. Late winter sunshine and the narcissus are blooming.

And I found Groot! I think he likes the sunshine, too.

Now, where did Sigyn go?

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What They’ve All Been Up To, Part IV: Choose Your Enemies Wisely

No one has heard from Hawkeye (Clint Barton) is a while. If I know him, he’s probably off just practicing his archery. I hope he put some thought into his target and isn’t just shooting randomly.

Odin’s eyepatch! You’d better not be contemplating shooting my furry minion, birdbrain! I know your practice arrows are blunt, but they still sting. Norns’ nighties! People say *I’m* a villain!

Here’s everyone’s favorite green giant, the Hulk, to try to make nice with the other feline.

“Hulk hug!”

Uh, oh. That tail is a swishin’! Looks like Furry Minion #2 has had enough hugging!

Swat!

Not so much fun when you’re on the receiving end, huh, tough guy?”

Watching other people get into trouble gives me an appetite. I wonder if there’s anything good in the kitchen?

Looks like Marty the Mynah had the same idea. Bug-eyed birdie want a cracker?

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What They’ve All Been Up To, Part III: Of Suspicion, True Love, and Mortal Terror

Since we last saw her, Muffy has been spying on her beau, the Black Panther.

Apparently he’s been seen in the company of a certain lady Owl.

Muffy believes the two have been canoodling. (Her word, not mine!) She is quite irate, and only the fact that there has been no sighting of a pea-green boat or a Piggywig with a ring in the end of his nose has kept her from attacking her paramour and his feathered floozy on the spot. You may recall that Muffy runs The Sugar Dojo, a combination bakery and martial arts studio. If she wants to, she could probably give the King of Wakanda a run for his money…

“Muffy, my jewel, is is not what you believe!”

“Start explaining, Your Hairballness, and it had better be good!”

“You see, my love, Ms. Hedwig, here, is a dance instructor. I have been taking lessons so that I might not be an embarrassment to you when I take you out dancing on your birthday.”

“One, two, three. One, two, three. You see? Oh, Muffy, my love for you is stronger than vibranium.”

“I’m so sorry I jumped to conclusions. You’re off the hook… For now.”

Wow. Harsh.

Hmm. I wonder what Benno, that lily-livered clown has been doing with himself. I heard a rumor he was also taking lessons, trying to up his juggling game.

Too bad the sloth-faced balls are so scary…

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What They’ve All Been Up To, Part II: Some Work While Others Play

We can continue the update about what everyone has been doing by visiting the workshop of Iron Man (AKA Tony Stark, AKA rich snark-meister who flirts with Sigyn because he knows it pushes all my buttons.) What futuristic project is he working on now?

Ah. Not futuristic project, but restoration of an antique. Stark is fixing the Winter Soldier‘s Soviet-era-tech nightmare of a robotic arm.

“You should be good to go, now, Buck.”

“Thanks, Stark.”

“Let me know if it gives you any more trouble. Oh, and I gave you an upgrade. You now have a built-in remote. No more hunting in the couch cushions when you want to change the channel or turn off the stereo. It’s fully programmable. You can map different functions to different finger movements. I put in a few to get you started.”

“Like what? Stark, what did you do?

“Relax, Sputnik! Nothing much. Just, uh, maybe don’t snap your fingers unless you want to order a bunch of random crap from the Home Shopping Network…”

Uh, oh. I believe fisticuffs may be imminent. Moving on!

Here we are in the rec room. Looks like Cap has rounded up a few buddies to play a game of Animal Upon Animal/ Tier auf Tier.

It’s Peter Quill‘s turn, and I can tell you from experience that a) getting another kangaroo on there is going to be problematic and b) Rocket is probably cheating.

Of course, placing your pieces while dangling from the ceiling is hardly legit…

And they say I don’t play by the rules!

>|: [

What They’ve All Been Up To, Part I: Fisi, No!

Looking back over this journal, I realize that it has been quite some time since I have written about anyone other than the humans (ugh), the felines (furry minions), Sigyn, and myself. Nary a word about the other people beings in my circle of acquaintances. Blame that on 1) Social distancing, and 2) the fact that I don’t actually like any of them.

Be that as it may, I suppose it might be mildly amusing to fill you in on what they have all been doing. Let’s start here.

This is the beautiful wedding quilt the human female’s mother made about twenty-seven years ago. It has been treasured and well-loved, but it is now showing some wear and some popped seams.

Great Frigga’s hairpins! It’s as I suspected, that thrice-damned hyena has been contributing to the decay by using it as a chew toy. I thought I smelled a whiff of Hyaenidae.

Fisi! Bad hyena! Spit that out RIGHT NOW!

Unfortunately, this is not the only area of damage. Luckily, my beloved is quite handy with a needle and thread.

A few darns in a few holes, some tiny whipstitches to re-close the open seams, and everything will be snuggly cuddles once again.

Every job needs a Snoopervisor.

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Malus Sanguineus

The human female has a new apple! This one is called Lucy Rose.

That’s not a very descriptive name, is it? Of course, considering that the yuckiest apple ever spawned is called Red Delicious I suppose I shouldn’t rely on names to mean much.

Hmm. Medium sized. Yellow heavily striped with red. Let’s see what it looks like inside. I’ve heard rumors. I want to see if they were correct.

Great Frigga’s Corset!

This was billed as a red-fleshed apple! I think they exaggerated. Truly, it merely looks as if it is hemorrhaging.

(crunch, crunch). It’s juicy enough, and has a pleasant flavor, but for my money (ha! I never spend a dime on groceries in this house!), Pink Pearl is a better apple.

Recipe: Pink Pearl Apple Carpaccio |

The coloring inside tends to be better-dispersed and, since it’s more pink than red, it doesn’t look so much like it needs immediate transport to the Emergency Room.

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Minimum Effort, Maximum Annoyance

Signing up to work with the Purveyor of Tiny Shinies to fabricate a website and manufacture hundreds of misleading photos just to make the human female unhappy with an online purchase was a LOT of work. Sometimes a big prank is worth it, in terms of effort, but sometimes I just want something quick and easy, you know?

Let’s see…. Today I think will be…

Annoying Toilet Tissue Day.

It’s wound loosely on the spool, and the two plies aren’t actually “quilted” together.

I also rolled it so that the perforations on the two plies don’t align. Every time she tries to tear it, she’ll get several inches of single ply, a few inches of two ply, and a double shreddy mess as the two plies tear off at different points.

I know, I know. It’s a small thing, as mischief goes, but with minimal effort, considering the human male bought a multipack, I will be annoying her several times per day for a week at least.

It’s all about the payoff.

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Oh, The Holly Bears a Berry… (Nearly Wordless Wednesday)

My beloved had so much fun dangling in the snowy holly last week that she wanted to do it some more. Sadly, the snow is all gone, but the bright berries remain, so please enjoy Sigyn in her natural habitat!

>|: [ & : )

It’s All About the Tiny Shinies, Part II: Not as Advertised

You see, what the human female does not know is that I have been working with the Purveyor of Tiny Shinies to create their online catalog. At my suggestion, the beads have been photographed under high light and with some back-lighting. Ostensibly, this is to highlight the various features of the beads—the different lusters, coatings, linings, and layers of glass—but in reality… Well, let’s just watch her meet her new beads.

Take these, for instance.

They look like this online:

In real life, they’re just…almost black.

What looked like this online, a nice mixture of purple and bronzy orange

Looks like this out of the package:

And even the ones that were supposed to be very dark, with hints of purple and maroon:

…manage to disappoint in person.

The rosy pink ones?

I believe the word for this is “Meh.”

Of her order, there are nine things she wants to send back. She is now wearing what I have come to call her “Mopey Puppy Face.”

Is Your Dog Lethargic? | Lethargic Dog Causes, Symptoms, and Treatment

It’s not one I like to look at, but I do love to give it to her!

Ehehehe! Now she’s got to write to the POTS and ask for a refund or something, all without sounding like a whiny entitled female whose name starts with “K.” We’ll see what the POTS says.

Meanwhile, I’ll be busy with POTS working on the images for their newest shipment of pressed glass flower beads from the Czech Republic. I bet I can entice her into ordering at least one strand…

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It’s All About the Tiny Shinies, Part I: Discoveries

I’ve noted here before, multiple times, that the human female has an unnatural fondness for beads, the tinier and shinier, the better. Recently, she divested herself of some of her Yule gift money by purchasing some more beads online. (I did a few magical tweaks to her order before it went in, of course.) Today, a crinkly sort of package has arrived. Sigyn, let us go see if the beads are here.

It’s the right size for beads. I shall open it and deprive her of the pleasure.

Can you see anything?

“Yes, wonderful things!”

It’s quite the haul!

And apparently this Purveyor of Tiny Shinies (POTS) likes to include a little candy treat as well. I shall just… sequester that before the human female can spot it.

Oh, wait. Don’t eat that, Sigyn! I’ve had that candy before. Tastes like… red plastic. Let the human female have it.

I approve of these green beads.

Sigyn is intrigued by this blue spirally thing.

No, my love, I don’t think the POTS is including true fossils in with bead orders. What gives it away? I would say the neatly drilled holes—and the fact that the packing slip says, “laser-etched ammonite focal, included as a free gift.”

Sorry. I know you’re disappointed. But not half as disappointed as the human female’s going to be when she examines the rest of the order…

(to be continued…)

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